Forever. The word echoes through my head and I swear to God it’s like he’s whispering it to me.
“Wow, you really were somewhere else, weren’t you?” Evan’s voice crashes through my thoughts. He scoots back from the chair and carries his bowl over to the sink.
“Sorry,” I apologize and pick up my mostly full bowl, dropping it in the sink. As little as I’ve eaten over the last few days, my stomach still feels nauseous.
“Did you even eat anything?” He leans down, examining my eyes. “Are you sick? You look sick.”
“I think it’s just nerves.” I yawn, stretching my arms above my head.
“Maybe you should get some sleep?”
“Nah, I couldn’t even if I tried… my mind is too wired.”
“About the battle?”
I shake my head. “Honestly, that’s the last thing on my mind.” I lean back against the counter, staring at the floor. “Do you ever wonder… nah, never mind.” I wave myself off and start to head for the doorway, figuring I can at least try to sleep.
Evan scoots to the side, blocking my path. “Finish what you were going to say.”
I shake my head. “It wasn’t important.”
He scans my expression with a perplexed look on his face. “No, I think it is… I’m picking up a vibe.”
“A vibe?”
“You’d be surprised how many things I can do.”
I scratch at my neck. “Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you’d done things differently?”
He rests back against the counter, gripping onto the edge. “Like made different decisions?”
I mull over the best way to describe it. “No… like if different decisions had been made for you.”
Now I’ve really confused him. “I don’t get what you’re saying. You make your own decisions.”
“Not always,” I say. “Sometimes there are circumstances… people who interfere… and your life kind of ends up out of your hands.”
“Is that what happened with you?”
“You’ve never been told my back story?”
He shrugs. “Vaguely. I mean, I know you had the Star in you and then you and Alex saved the world from his crazy father.”
“There was a lot more to it than that,” I utter quietly. “There were a lot of years of suffering… years we can’t get back.”
He motions his hand forward. “But you can move on. Make the ones ahead of you count.”
“But what if you try…” I huff a frustrated breath. “What if I try so damn hard, to live a normal life, but, no matter what I do, things always fall apart? Because everything seems connected. Sure we got rid of the Star, but in doing so we let Helena know about our souls. So there’s another problem. In the midst of that, we freed a bunch of Faeries, so there’s another one. Then there’s the fact that, because of the Star, Alex made a bargain with Draven. Because Helena possessed me, after she found out about my soul, Nicholas ended up trapped in the City of Crystal. My father’s stuck in his own mind because Stephan wanted the Star’s power. Laylen was turned into a vampire for the same reason.” I take a deep breath, sucking air in through my starved lungs. “Everything seems to be connected to that damn Star. It’s like a set of freaking dominoes. Knock one down and slowly they all tumble—things fall apart… and what if…” The next part is hard to say. “What if they continue to fall? Forever.”
He’s quiet for an eternity, biting his lip. I wonder if all my twisted thoughts and yammering have scared him off. Then, he walks over to the doorway, sticking his head out and angling his neck back, peering up at the stairs.
I walk up behind him. “What are you doing?”
He looks satisfied as he turns back to me, placing his fingers to his lips. “There might be something you can do,” he says in a hushed voice as he treads back over to the table. He takes a seat and I join him. “But it doesn’t come without a price.”
I scoot the chair in and lean closer. “Everything comes with a price, but it’s worth it sometimes. Trust me, I know.”
A loud noise comes from upstairs and he jumps to his feet, shaking his head. “Is there somewhere we can talk… somewhere private… I’m not supposed to be telling you this.”
I don’t point out that he hasn’t really told me anything. I get to my feet and take him outside, walking back to the garage and noting how silent the neighborhood is; aching with loneliness. I flip on the light and then shut the door behind us. Then, we take a seat on a couple of old patio chairs that are shoved away in the back in front of my old car.
“Good enough?” I ask, scooting the chair closer to him.
He bites his lip again, jiggling his knee nervously. “Who knows?” He lets out a deep breath and then crosses his arms over his chest. “I have to ask you a question first, and then I’ll decide if I’m going to spill my secrets.” He pauses. “Do you really believe that there is a way to stop all of this, put everything back—the Fey, the Lost Souls? Do you think you can find a way to save Alex from Draven, and make the world a peaceful place, or whatever the hell you want to call it?”
I shift uncomfortably in my chair. “I’d love to say, yes, but after what I told you in the kitchen, I think you already know my answer.”
He shakes his head at me. “But I need to hear you say it. And really mean it, if you do.”
“Why?”