"Another thing. You went away without saying you forgive me for
the wicked duplicity I practised upon you. It was very wrong, I
suppose, and yet for my life I cannot get up any real contrition
on the subject. There's always some duplicity in a woman. It is
the badge of every daughter of Eve, and it must come out
somewhere. In my case it came out in loving you to all the lengths
and ends of love, and drawing you on to loving me. I ought to be
ashamed, but I'm not--I'm glad.
"I did love first, and, of course, I knew you from the
beginning, and when you wrote about being in love with some one
else, I knew quite well you meant me. But it was so delicious to
pretend not to know, to come near and then to sheer off again, to
touch and then to fly, to tempt you and then to run away, until a
strong tide rushed at me and overwhelmed me, and I was swooning in
your arms at last.
"Dearest, don't think I made light of the obstacles you urged
against our union. I knew all the time that the risks of marriage
were serious, though perhaps I am not in a position even yet to
realise how serious they may be. Only I knew also that the dangers
were greater still if we kept apart, and that gave me courage to
be bold and to defy conventions.
"Which brings me to my last point, and please prepare to be
serious, and bend your brow to that terrible furrow which comes
when you are fearfully in earnest. What you said of your enemies
being merciless, and perhaps watching me and putting pressure upon
me to injure you, is only too imminent a danger. The truth is that
I have all along known more than I had courage to tell, but I was
hoping you would understand, and now I tremble to think how I have
suffered myself to be silent.
"The Minghelli matter is an alarming affair, for I have reason to
believe that the man has lit on the name you bore in England, and
that when he returns to Rome he will try to fix it upon you by
means of me. This is fearful to contemplate, and my heart quakes
to think of it. But happily there is a way to checkmate such a
devilish design, and it is within your own power to save me from
life-long remorse.
"I don't think the laws of any civilized country compel a man's
wife to compromise him, and thinking of this gives me courage to
be unmaidenly and say: Don't let it be long, dearest! I could die
to bring it to pass in a moment. With all my great, great
happiness, I shall have the heartache until it is done, and only
when it is over shall I begin to live.