“Yes,” I said, sitting down beside him. “But there’s one thing I have to know before we start.”
It was a question that had danced through my mind at odd times throughout the last week. One that on the surface didn’t seem important, but as the week went on, it bothered me more and more.
“What would that be?” he asked.
“Why the sudden change?” I asked. “I mean, I don’t ask to be difficult or anything. I’m just wanting to understand why the increased need for dominance now?”
“I’ll let you follow my thinking,” he said. “When was it you first noticed a change in my behavior or saw an increase in my demands?”
Good question. When had it been? I thought back. “It was right before I was offered the position at WNN.” I squinted, trying to nail it down. “Matter of fact, the big change came after I accepted. And picked up when I became successful.” It wasn’t until my post became so popular, following that dreadful night at the BDSM club, that he suggested we play for a week. Were the two linked?
“Right,” he said. “What does that tell you?”
“That you became more demanding after I became successful? On the surface it makes you sound like an ass, but I know that wasn’t your intent.”
“I thank you for being truthful,” he said with a smile. “That tells me you’re serious about this and gave it a lot of thought. If you didn’t say it made me sound like an ass, I’d be worried.”
“But since you didn’t do it because you’re an ass, you must have had another reason.”
“I did. Can you remember how you felt those first few weeks after the job offer when you weren’t wearing my collar? How you functioned and your mental well-being?”
I remembered precisely how I felt. “I was frazzled and stressed and didn’t function well at all.”
“Right,” he said with what looked like a half smile. “And when you wore my collar?”
I saw his thinking almost immediately. “With the exception of the issues I had with Charlene, I felt peaceful and at ease and everything felt more manageable.”
“There you go.”
I looked at him in shock. “You became more demanding because I took a job?”
“In part. As you became more successful and your responsibilities increased, your need to be dominated increased.”
I’d have to think about that a little. “Because I’m a submissive?”“It’s the way you’re made. You need the dominance, especially in the bedroom. Your increase in position in the professional world only made that need grow.”
“Which is why you pushed me so hard while we were in Delaware.”
“Yes, you needed your limits tested. Pushed.”
I tucked my legs underneath me and curled up on the couch. “That’s quite a statement. I’ll have to think about it a bit more.”
“Of course,” he said. “You should always look into what I think and form your own opinions.”
Silence followed for a few seconds. Whether or not I believed his assessment of my need for dominance, I still wanted to discuss my journal.
“I jotted down my thoughts on how to increase our playtime.”
“Is that something you still want to pursue? Even before you make up your mind on my beliefs about your need for dominance?”
I picked up my journal and opened it to the spot I’d been working on. “Yes, I still want to increase our time. I’d decided I wanted it before you gave me your reasons. Nothing you said changed my mind.”
“You make me proud, Abby.”
Hearing those words, the despair over the angst of the last few weeks began to ease. We weren’t back to where we were, but perhaps we were on our way to a better place.
“Thank you,” I said.
“Come here.” He pulled me close and draped his arm around my shoulder. “Tell me what you have in mind.”
“I still don’t want to wear your collar twenty-four/seven.”
“Agreed.”
“But I would like to go back to wearing it every weekend. It’ll be somewhat of a challenge with the kids, but we can work it out.”
“I’m not opposed to that, but we’ll have to do something about Henry and Elizabeth. I don’t want you to call me ‘Master’ where they can hear.”
“I agree. I thought about that a lot. We need to manage their sleeping time more carefully. We can get a baby monitor for our room, and then lock the door. If they wake up, we’ll hear them and can stop our play so we can go to them if need be.”