I recalled the words I’d typed this afternoon in reply to the question the blog reader sent. In this position I will find my soul satisfied. My body slipped deeper into my headspace.
“I wasn’t expecting either the note or to find you waiting like this,” he said.
“To be honest, when you told me I couldn’t wear your collar, I wasn’t planning to either.”
He sighed deeply and walked farther inside the room. “I may as well have stayed at home today. I was completely worthless.”
“I’m sorry, Sir. I didn’t mean to make your day more difficult.”
“You didn’t make it difficult. I thought about a lot of things.” When he spoke again, I heard the smile in his voice. “And had you been there, I wouldn’t have done a lot of thinking.”
“I agree,” I said and I’m sure my smile matched his. “I did a lot of thinking as well.”
“I had a chance to read your blog before I left to come home.”
Earlier in the day, I’d posted the questions I’d answered. Meagan had called shortly after to say the office was getting flooded with questions for me and I would have my pick of what I decided to answer on the show. We had a meeting scheduled for early next week to go over the finer details.
“I hope you enjoyed my posting, Sir.”
“I did.” He chuckled and the sound made me smile. “I especially enjoyed how you turned down the gentleman who came on to you.”
I laughed. “I will never stop being surprised at how people act, Sir.”
“I agree. Humans are entertaining.”
Silence followed his statement and the brief frivolity that had been present left the room. The bed rustled as he stood.
“In Delaware, when it hit me that for even the tiniest of seconds, you thought I might cheat on you, it shook me like I haven’t been shaken in years. That you would think me capable of that.”
“I’m sorry.” His words felt like a punch to my gut.
“I shouldn’t have come into the room that night. I should have never taken you when I was so angry, but I had to prove to myself you were still mine.” He framed my face with his hands and pressed his forehead to mine. His breath was warm against my skin. “It made me feel like an ass and part of me didn’t want to tell you that because I know you and I know hearing me say it will hurt you. And it pains me when you hurt.”
“I’m glad you told me, though.” But he was right: hearing how my words and actions negatively affected him wasn’t easy, but he was right to tell me. I needed to know, just as I had to tell him when he hurt me.
“Your feelings are never wrong. You are entitled to them and I would never tell you otherwise. But you need to know how I feel, too, and when you say and do things that make it sound like you don’t trust me? That hurts me, too.”
“I trust you with Charlene,” I said. “I know you would never do anything to hurt our marriage or compromise your integrity.”
“It’s good to hear you say that, because she accepted the position when I met with her after work.”
I had expected as much, so hearing him say it didn’t surprise me. What surprised me was how it didn’t affect me the way I thought it would. Realizing that my struggle with my submissive nature was normal, and something other submissives experienced too, had helped me realize that just because I felt jealous didn’t mean I didn’t trust Nathaniel. That woman’s question had helped me remember it’s only human to experience contradictory emotions. But I had always trusted Nathaniel and that was the most important thing. Whether Charlene could be trusted or not was another story, but I realized too that it didn’t matter because I could trust him to handle her.
“I know you made the right decision. You’ve run the business for a long time and you’ve been overseeing the nonprofit for just as long. If you didn’t know what you were doing, neither one would be as well-off as they are today.”
“Thank you for saying that, but I do on occasion make a mistake. I’m confident, however, that hiring Charlene isn’t one of them.”
“I no longer doubt it, Sir.”
“Thank you.”
He moved and stood behind me. His fingertips brushed the nape of my neck and I shivered at his touch.
“Another thing.” His fingers tangled in my hair. “I have a question for you, my lovely. Are we going to do this your way, or my way?”
My heart thumped in my throat and my need for him and what he was doing grew. I barely managed to get out, “Your way, Sir.”