I stretched under the covers, still sore and achy from the activities of the last few days. He’d been so demanding lately. It really wasn’t like him. I could still see him though, the essence of who he was and how he felt for me, even when he was being unmovable in his dominance.
But maybe it was like him. Maybe that was where his request to play more frequently had come from. I knew he wanted ideas by the time we left so I needed to get busy.
But I knew I couldn’t start coming up with ideas until I first came to terms with how I felt about it. While it was true I loved his dominant nature, how often did I want to submit to it?
I wasn’t sure.
And how often was more often? We’d always agreed that a twenty-four/seven relationship wasn’t for us. But if he wanted to extend our monthly time, was that where it was headed?
Tired of thinking about it, I pushed the blankets to the side and got out of bed. Maybe a hot shower would help ease my mind as well as my body.
But there was a note waiting for me in the bathroom.
Abigail,
You looked so peaceful sleeping, I didn’t want to wake you up. I’ll be in meetings most of the day today, so you’ll be on your own until I get back to the room around six.
I want you to spend some time thinking about what we talked about yesterday. Write in your journal what you’re thinking. Jot down your ideas. We can discuss them later.
You can order room service for lunch or go out. If you go out on your own, text me to let me know where you’re going and when you get back. You’re falling behind on your workouts, so you need to fit one in before I get back this evening.
Nathaniel
I sighed and decided I’d start on my journal and thoughts after the shower.
Hours later, I had half a dozen notebook pages filled but no clear answer. I simply didn’t know how I felt. Part of me was turned on by the thought of extending my collared time, but another part of me thought maybe what we did was enough. What would be the point in doing more? How would we fit it in with all our other responsibilities?
Because it was what Nathaniel wanted.
But that alone wasn’t enough to justify a fundamental change in our marriage. It had to happen because we both wanted it. And would I have ever brought up playing more often if he hadn’t?
My head spun while I thought over the different scenarios and outcomes until I finally slammed the notebook shut and slapped my pen on top of it.
“Enough!” I said to nobody. “You’ve spent enough time on this for one morning. Let it rest.”
Determined to have a peaceful lunch not thinking about how and why and if we should modify our relationship, I slipped on the outfit Nathaniel had laid out for me for the day and decided to eat lunch outside somewhere. I picked up my phone to text him, but didn’t. I’d send him a text when I made it to where I was going. I slipped the phone into my pocket, picked up the paperback I had been reading, and headed to the elevators.
It was eerily quiet. Apparently, everyone had meetings or somewhere to be. It almost felt as if I was the only person in the hotel. I saw no housekeeping carts, no conference attendees, no hotel employees. I stopped in front of the elevators, almost expecting Nathaniel to grab me for another scene like the one we’d had days earlier. But I told myself that was silly. He didn’t even know I’d left the room; there was no way he’d have planned a scene with that much uncertainty in it.
With fresh resolve, I held my head up and stepped into the waiting elevator. For the next hour or so, I was going to be Abby West. Maybe I’d go shopping or see if there was a park nearby. I briefly thought about calling Julie, but it was a weekday and she’d be working.
I almost missed it as I stepped out of the elevator and rounded the bar on my way to the exit. But it was a sound I normally heard when our family was outside playing, or Elizabeth had done something silly, or Henry giggled at Apollo’s tail. Or any of the tiny little things in a day that could make a man laugh. In fact, the last time I heard it was the day he told me I had no idea what he was planning to do to me the next day.
I hesitated only a minute before turning around and walking back to the bar. I stood as hidden as possible and craned my head to look around the cutout woodwork that marked the outline of the bar.
Sitting on a stool, looking carefree and happy and altogether so free it hit me in the pit of my stomach, was Nathaniel. And on the stool beside him was Charlene, looking as smug as the cat who’d just feasted on the world’s largest canary.
I wanted to turn and walk away, but my feet wouldn’t move. Charlene leaned close to Nathaniel and said something I couldn’t hear. She didn’t touch him, but to be honest, she didn’t have to. Her body language alone was enough to convey every thought she had. And Nathaniel appeared to welcome it.