I swallow hard as I feel the pressure of making a decision. “What if I said no? Would you be upset?”
He sits down on the bed, tugging me down with him. “I’ll only answer that if you tell me the truth about how you’d feel if I said no. The door swings both ways,” he says and a lump forms in my throat as I nod. Now he’s the one swallowing hard. “The truth is… yeah, I would be upset. Even though you’re a pain in the ass, I like spending time with you and I want to keep doing it.”
“You’re kind of a pain in the ass, too.” I nudge him with my shoulder, the smashing weight on my chest easing up. “But I like that you’ve been around for the last few weeks.”
He lets out a laugh and then shakes his head. “Wow, that was f**king hard.”
I laugh, too, and it’s the strangest, most unfamiliar sound. He joins in and we just laugh for a moment. And it’s strange and weird and… well normal.
Then we fall down on the bed, lying side by side, our clasped hands squished between our bodies.
“So what do people generally do when they go out on dates?” I ask as he traces circles on my wrist with his fingers.
His brow arches as his fingers stop moving. “You’ve never been on one?”
I shake my head, pivoting on my hip to face him. “Nope. Never. I already told you I’ve never really had anyone in my life and going on dates would be letting people in.”
His mouth turns upward into a pleased smile that looks strange on his face, yet stunning. “That’s good to know. It means your expectations will be lower.”
I roll my eyes and playfully pinch his arm. “Hardy, har, har, you’re freaking—”
The brush of his lips silences me, my skin flooding with warmth the longer we remain together. He doesn’t try to shove his tongue down my throat, he just lays there, fully content in the simplicity of the moment and I shut my eyes, falling into an easy peace.
Finally, he pulls away. “See simple isn’t so bad, right?” he says, caressing my cheekbone with his finger.
I nod, agreeing, because at the moment, it’s not about the adrenaline. Or how dangerous I thought Luke was or still think he may be. It’s not about how intense he is. Or the escape he gives me. I’m with him because I want to be. I want to be here. And I promise to hold on to that thought all night.
Luke
I’m not even sure why I said it. I don’t date, yet at the same time I don’t keep chasing down the same girl, banging on doors because I think she’s f**king some other dude. Violet’s different. I’m different with her. And either I can keep feeling like I’m losing control or I can try to get back my structure and do things the normal, simple way by getting drunk, screwing, and bailing.
We make plans to go out and then I take shower, change into a clean shirt and jeans and clip on my leather band with “redemption” written on it. Then I spend the rest of the day cleaning the house, while she stays in the room, organizing her stuff. I try to keep it light on the drinks for three reasons: (1) I have to be sober enough to drive; (2) I want to be aware of everything that happens, feel it, live it, because if I’m going to do this, be with her, I’m going to make it worth it; and (3) I don’t want to have to make her check my insulin and help me with pills because I can’t go without my Jack Daniel’s for the night.
Although, I’m not going to just quit cold turkey. I stick to beers, and am only on my second one when Seth comes out around three or four o’clock, looking hungover, but at the same time amused.
“Have fun last night?” he asks with speculation in his voice as he gets a jug of orange juice out of the fridge.
“As much as I ever do,” I say, moving a box of books no one’s bothered to unpack from the floor to the coffee table.
“Yeah, but usually you go after girls who are easy.” He twists the cap off the orange juice. “You were going after the vixen last night.”
I tear the tape off the top of the box. “I really wish you’d stop calling her that.”
He takes a gulp and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “And you’re defending her.” He puts the lid back on and opens the fridge door. “If I didn’t know better, I’d guess you have feelings for the vixen.”
“Her name is Violet,” I say defensively as I open the box. “I don’t know exactly how I feel about Violet yet, but it’s enough that I don’t want you to call her that.”
That stuns him, his jaw dropping. “Jesus, you’re being serious.”
I fidget under his judging gaze as I remove a stack of books from a moving box. “Can we just drop it? I’m already confused enough and the last thing I want to do is talk about it.”
He puts the orange juice back in the fridge and shuts the door. “So what are you going to do about it?”
I drop a stack of books onto the table. “About what?”
“About your feelings for her.”
I shake my head, wishing he’d drop it. “I’m taking her on a date.”
I hear him chuckle under his breath. “Well, that’s normal of you.”
“Yeah, I thought I’d give it a try. See if I like it.”
“I’m sure you will,” he teases. He walks into the living room, raking his fingers through his hair. “Okay, so since I know for a fact that you’re an idiot when it comes to relationships and dating, I’m going to give you some advice. Take her somewhere nice and don’t try to f**k her in your truck.”
“I’m not a complete moron,” I say. “I get that.”
He leans against the entertainment center with his arms folded. “I know you’re not a moron, but I’ve witnessed over the last year how much you like to just screw any girl that walks and how most of them are very willing to give you exactly what you want. And normally, in a normal datelike situation, that’s not how things work. You have to put effort into it.”
I scratch the back of my neck. “How much effort?”
He hitches his thumb toward the bedroom door. “With her, probably a lot.”
“I thought you were so sure she was a slut,” I remind him.
“Well, I might have been a little overdramatic. And Greyson told me last night to lay off her because he thinks she’s vulnerable.” He raises his hands as he backs away. “I don’t get why and he wouldn’t tell me, but as a good boyfriend, I’m going to oblige.” He pauses at the doorway. “You should make a note of that.”