“Are you…” I trailed off. There was no point finishing the question. She wasn’t okay in any fashion.
I knew that feeling too.
“Lucas,” she whispered on a jagged breath, her hand coming up to cover her mouth as though she were trying to catch the word before it had fully escaped.
I glanced to where the woman and her child had disappeared into the crowd and asked, “Do you know that little boy?”
It took her several seconds to reply. “No. I don’t,” she whispered like it was a pained confession.
And then I lost her all over again.
As if someone had snapped their fingers to break her trance, she suddenly pushed out of my arms. “I’m good.”
I frowned when the shake of her hands said otherwise. “Listen—”
“Really. I’m fine.” Tilting her head back, she met my gaze and it was one of the most incredible things I’d ever witnessed. And not in a good way.
A wall came down, dividing her from me—and the rest of the world. Her eyes grew distant, and while her shoulders fell only a fraction of an inch, that slight change was enough to transform her from the beautiful woman with the secret smile to a shattered woman barely able to stand.
It was familiar.
Too familiar.
“I have to go,” she whispered.
“Don’t.” I reached out for her, my pulse quickening.
She dodged my touch. “Can you…uh…do me a favor and tell Rita that I got called up to the hospital?”
“Stay and help me cook. I’ll drive you there after we finish,” I bargained, worry thick in my voice. She didn’t need to be driving anywhere. Not like that.
She shook her head and started away, my anxiety growing with her every step.
“Wait,” I called. But what the hell else was I going to say?
Maybe I had it all wrong.
Maybe we didn’t share a mutual pain.
Maybe I was doing what I did best and allowing my worst-case-scenario mind to run the show.
Or maybe I had it exactly right and was allowing her to slip through my fingers when she needed someone the most.
“Shit,” I mumbled as she jogged away, not even leaving so much as her name behind.
“Sorry I’m late,” Tanner said, ducking under the rope.
A combination of shock and relief washed over me. “What are you doing here?”
He chuckled and lifted the lid on the grill, shaking his head as his gaze drifted down to my cardboard box. “Jesus. I was just fucking with you about not coming. I didn’t seriously think you’d start cooking.”
I wanted to be pissed that my brother was such a jackass, but my mind was still with the despondent woman I’d let escape.
Suddenly, Rita’s voice joined the conversation. “Hey. How’d it go?”
I swallowed hard and tried to get my head back in the game. I was there for Travis. I couldn’t afford to forget that.
“Well, I almost lit the place on fire.” I hooked my thumb over my shoulder at Tanner. “But we should be good now.”
“No. I meant with Charlotte.”
I blinked, her words slowly filtering through me—before crushing me to the ground. “Charlotte?” I asked, because there was no way I’d heard her correctly.
Her eyes gentled, and her lips thinned. “She told you no, didn’t she?”
No fucking way.
I closed my eyes and dropped my chin to my chest. “Please, God, tell me that wasn’t Dr. Mills?”
“Shit,” she mumbled. “I sent her over so you could talk to her. I figured you already had when I saw her take off.”
“No,” I laughed without humor. “I didn’t know who she was!”
Reading my emotions, Tanner moved in beside me. “Well, send her back over. I’d love to meet her.”
“She left. She had to go to the hospital,” I announced, planting one hand on my hip and raking the other through my hair.
Son of a bitch!
How could I have let this happen?
“Porter, honey,” Rita soothed. “If it’s any consolation, she was never going to agree to see your boy.”
After sinking down onto the cooler, I dropped my elbows to my knees. “You don’t know that. I could have persuaded her.”
“We’ll figure it out,” Tanner said confidently, patting me on the thigh. “Whatever you need, I’ll make it happen.”
So maybe my brother wasn’t a total jackass, but his promise didn’t exactly fill me with hope, either.
“I’m really sorry,” Rita said. “It’s just Charlotte. She’s…”
Broken.
Ruined.
Shattered.
Just. Fucking. Like. Me.
But my son needed her.
Visions of Travis sitting on the side of the tub, drenched in sweat, heaving for a single breath, assaulted me. He’d been released from the hospital after one night this time.
But what about the next time?
And the next?
What about the one fucking time he didn’t come home?
Panic blasted through me.
Okay. I could figure this out. What choice did I have?
“What hospital?” I asked, pushing to my feet.
“Uh…” Rita drawled, her wide eyes flashing between me and my brother. “I’m not sure I can divulge that information.”
I took a step toward her, Tanner on my heels. “I’m not going to cause her any trouble. But, to be honest, she didn’t look good when she rushed out of here. Something spooked her. Some kid named Lucas.”
Rita gasped, and her face drained of color.
Her reaction fueled my fire.
“I just want to make sure she got to the hospital safely.” And then do whatever the fuck I had to do to get my son into her office first thing on Monday morning. “I’ll take her lunch.”
Tanner took the cue and headed to his station, placing two fresh burgers on the grill.
Folding my hands in prayer, I lifted them to Rita. “Please.”
Her face grew soft. “It’s not going to work.”
“Maybe not. But, worst case, she gets something to eat and I get a door shut in my face. Let me try. That’s all I’m asking.”
Consideration danced through her features for a second longer. “Oh, all right. Emory…and medium rare, extra mustard and pickles.”
Hope exploded within me as I swung my head to my brother, a victorious grin pulling at both of our mouths.
“Five minutes to plate!” he called out.
Yeah, okay. He wasn’t an asshole at all.
* * *
“Sayonara!” Heather called out as a nurse’s assistant wheeled Mr. Clark to the elevator. A round of laughter sounded behind her.
“Keep it professional,” I scolded under my breath as I continued to read through the on-call’s notes from the night before.
He knew me well and had left a novel’s worth of information to explain his every decision with my patient. Which honestly could have been summed up with: I followed your orders from the night before. Whatever. I liked the extra information. I stared at the words on the page, reading them and then rereading them, unable to focus.
That guy from the fling was hijacking my thoughts.
A chill traveled down my spine. “Hi,” he’d said.
One word. One syllable. Two letters.
In my thirty-three years of life, I’d probably heard that word a million times.
But not like that. Never like that. It had echoed in my head as I’d driven to the hospital.
It was stupid. He was stupid. I was stupid for reading into it. So what—a guy was awkwardly flirting with me? It happened.
But this guy…
Yes. I’d bolted like the emotionally unstable crazy woman I so obviously was. That was nothing new. But, for reasons I’d never be able to explain, he had come with me.
At least, in my memories.
I closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath.
His crooked grin.
His blue eyes, which had bored so deeply into me that I’d momentarily gotten lost.
His ridiculous jokes.
The smiles I couldn’t contain.
His messy hair and his chiseled jaw.
His large hand on my hip.