He seemed to be unusually good-natured and gracious, saying that
no doubt I was quite right in sending the plans to Berlin. He
spoke of Enver Bey cordially, and said he hoped to be reconciled
to him and his friends very soon. When Abdul Hamid becomes
reconciled to anybody who disagrees with him, the latter is
always dead.
He asked me where I was going. I told him about the plans I was
preparing for the Trebizond district. He offered me an escort of
Kurdish cavalry, saying that he had been told the district was not
very safe. I thanked him and declined his escort of assassins.
I saw it all very plainly. Like a pirate captain, Abdul orders his
crew to dig a secret hole for his treasure, and when the hole is
dug and the treasure hidden, he murders the men who hid it for
him, so that they shall never betray its location. I am one of
those men. That is what he means for me, who have given him his
Gallipoli plans. No wonder that in England they call him Abdul the
Damned!
May 3. In the Bazaar at Tchardak yesterday two men tried to stab
me. I got their daggers, but they escaped in the confusion. Murad
called to express horror and regret. Yes; regret that I had not
been murdered.
May 5. I have written to my Government that my usefulness here
seems to be ended; that my life is in hourly danger; that I desire
to be more thoroughly informed concerning the relations between
Berlin and the Yildiz Palace.
May 6. I am in disgrace. My Government is furious because my
correspondence with Enver Bey has been stolen. The Porte has
complained about me to Berlin; Berlin disowns me, disclaims all
knowledge of my political activities outside of my engineering
work.
This is what failure to carry out secret instructions invariably
brings--desertion by the Government from which such instructions
are received. In diplomacy, failure is a crime never forgiven.
Abandoned by my Government I am now little better than an outlaw
here. Two courses remain open to me--to go back in disgrace and
live obscurely for the remainder of my life, or to risk my life by
hanging on desperately here with an almost hopeless possibility
before me of accomplishing something to serve my Government and
rehabilitate myself.
The matter of the stolen plans is being taken up by our Ambassador
at the Sublime Porte. The British Embassy is suspected. What
folly! I possess a third set of plans. Our Embassy ought to send
to Trebizond for them. I don't know what to do.
May 12. A letter I wrote May 10 to the German Embassy has been
stolen. I am now greatly worried about the third set of plans. It
seems safest to include the box containing them among the baggage
of the American missionary, the Reverend Wilbour Carew; and, too,
for me to seek shelter with him.