She dithers, twisting the end of her ponytail around her finger. “Okay, I’ll take the pink one with the torn ear.”
The guy behind the counter scratches his neck. “Are you being serious?”
Her face is stoic. “Absolutely. I never kid about teddy bears.”
Seth and I laugh at her and the guy pierces us with a look, before he marches over to the wall and grabs a metal pole. Pointing it up to the tent ceiling, he unhooks the bear Callie selected. Then he takes it off the end and tosses it on the counter before he stomps away, muttering, “I need a fucking smoke break.”
Callie picks up the bear, which is half the size of her, and assesses it with distaste. “I still don’t think I should bring it back to the dorm.” She glances up at me. “Maybe you should take it with you. You did win it.”
I shake my head. “There is no way I’m going to drag a giant, deformed, pink bear across campus and take it to my room.”
“Okay, maybe we could give it to a little kid,” she suggests, flicking her fingers at the bear’s nose and making a face. “They’d probably love to have it.”
We peer around at the crowd and then Callie giggles as she stares at a booth that is set up with display cases that hold sunglasses. “Or we could dress it up and put a Wanted: In need of a home sign in its hand and leave it somewhere for someone to pick up.”
I poke my finger at the teddy bears eye and it falls out. “I actually like that idea and the sunglasses can hide the fact that it just lost an eye.”
“Oh, can we buy it a tiara?” Seth asks, glancing around excitedly. “Please let me put one on its head. It can cover up its missing ear.”
“Okay, you go get a tiara and I’ll go get it some sunglasses.” She lugs the bear up in her arms as Seth takes off toward a red and white tent that’s set up at the end.
I fidget with the bear’s good ear as Callie pushes her way through the crowd, practically using the bear as a shield. “It’s a sad looking thing, isn’t it?”
She stops at the sunglass booth and drops the bear to the ground. “I like it. I just don’t think my roommate would like it.” She cocks her head at the bear. “When I was younger, I would have kept it in a heartbeat. In fact, I had a whole collection of them.”
I arch an eyebrow at her. “You collected broken, smelly carnival bears?”
She laughs and I love that it was me that made her do it this time, not Seth. “No, but I had a collection of broken stuffed animals. Like a cat with no whiskers and a puppy with no nose.”
“What did you do?” I joke. “Torture them and tug off their limbs?”
She places her palms on the table that holds a display case full of glasses. “No, I just never wanted to throw them away. Even if they were broken, I still loved them.” She peers down into the case, completely oblivious to how much her words mean to me.
Slowly, I place my hand on the table and inch it toward hers, finally covering it with mine. Her chest rises and falls as she pretends that nothing’s going on and I trace my finger along the folds of her hand, my eyelids starting to shut.
“Which ones were you looking at?” An older woman with beads on her wrists and a long flowing skirt waltzes up to us.
I jerk my hand away and let it fall to my side as I lean over Callie’s shoulder to look through the glass. “Which ones were you thinking?”
She slants her head to the side and her hair touches my cheek. “How about the sparkly blue pair that are shaped like stars.”
“Sounds good to me.” I barely pay attention to what she’s saying, because I’m smelling her hair like a fucking weirdo.
What the hell is wrong with me? Strange feelings clench at my chest, ones I was taught to shut off. It’s literally hurting me, like a knife to the chest, and all I want to do is fucking leave and go turn it off the only way I know how.
***
“Are we already moving on from the Wicked Witch of the West?” Luke asks as I circle around the ticket booth, searching the grass for the glasses Callie accidentally dropped somewhere.
“We?” I stand up straight. “I didn’t realize it was something we were doing together and I’m not trying to do anything with Callie. We’re just friends.”
He flicks the button on his lighter with his thumb, ignoring my comment. “You know, if you want, I can get her in a situation with you where you’ll have your chance to do whatever you want with her.”
“You know I just broke up with Daisy, right?”
He rolls his eyes. “And you seem so sad about it.”
I find the glasses near the trashcan and pick them up, plucking off the grass stuck in the cracks of the frames. “I’m not sure I want to do anything with Callie.”
He pulls his unlit cigarette out of his mouth and stares at it. “I can’t remember where I left my pack.” He pats his pockets and then turns in a circle, looking at the ground.
Luke has this thing with losing stuff, especially his cigarettes. Nicotine is his sedative and without it, he flips out. “Where the fuck did I…” he trails off walking backwards toward a bench and sighs as he scoops up the pack. He tucks it into his pocket and shuts his eyes, like he thought he just lost an arm. “We could do a challenge.”
I open and close the ends on the glasses. “We haven’t done that since sophomore year.”