“Yes and I didn’t believe him. I thought it was all about him since he was the dominant.” Her eyes grew quizzical. “It’s true, though, isn’t it? Even though you’re the submissive, he’s always thinking about you and what you need.”
“Right, but conversely, he’s my focus when I’m wearing his collar. I’m always thinking about him.”
She thought about that for a few seconds. “Interesting. Like you balance each other out.”
“Something like that, but honestly, when I’m wearing his collar, I’m not thinking about how balanced and equal we are. I’m thinking only about him and what he’s saying.”
“Which is why I’d make a horrible submissive.”
I shrugged, she was probably right. “It’s not for everyone and that’s okay. Obviously what you and Jackson have works for the two of you.”
She gave a hearty smile at the mention of her husband. “I’ll say.”
“Speaking of Jackson,” I started and then stopped, unsure I really wanted to know the answer to my question.
“Yes?”
Oh well, I decided, might as well know once and for all. “Does he know about our lifestyle?”
She laughed. “I wondered how long it would take you to ask.”
“And?”
“Yes, he knows. We were watching TV one night and they did a story on the increased public interest in BDSM. He looked over at me, I looked at him, and I finally said, ‘Yes, I know about them.’”
That Jackson knew really didn’t surprise me, I’d always assumed Nathaniel’s cousin knew. Honestly, he had spent enough time at the house. Nathaniel kept the playroom locked, but it was possible Jackson had been over a time or two when it wasn’t. Especially during the time he stayed over following my breakup with Nathaniel.
“And he knew you meant us?” I asked Felicia.
“Neither one of us came out and said it for a while. I guess for me it was that long talk you gave me on confidentiality. I didn’t want to be the one who told Jackson his cousin was kinky.”
Before I’d gone to see Nathaniel the first time, when I was talking with Felicia about what I was going to do, I’d pounded into her head how important confidentiality was. “Thank you for that, I really appreciate it.”
“You’re my dearest friend, I’d never betray your trust. I finally told Jackson I was your safety call. He nodded and said he figured I knew about Nathaniel since you and I were best friends.”
“How long has Jackson known?”
“He said he had a suspicion for a long time, but it wasn’t until after you guys broke up and got back together that he knew for sure. We really didn’t talk much about it after that.” She looked around the still empty church. “If you’re finished looking over this place, I think we should leave. All this kink talk in church has me afraid lightning’s going to strike me dead.”
***
It was amazing how quickly time passed. Of course it didn’t help that we were planning a wedding in less than three months. There were many times I wondered what we had been thinking when we selected our wedding date. How did we think it would be possible to set everything up so quickly?
I’ll admit, once in a while, we let the stress get between us. There was so much to do, to set up, to schedule, and there never seemed to be enough time. We had started spending weekends at Nathaniel’s penthouse in the city, just to be closer to everything and everyone we needed to meet with.
It wasn’t until the third weekend in the city that I realized how much I’d come to count on escaping the hurried pace of Manhattan for the tranquility of our country estate in the Hamptons. Granted, the penthouse was spacious enough, but you only had to look outside to see reality. As someone who had spent years living in the city, it surprised me how much I needed to step away from it on a regular basis.
“Next weekend, we’re staying home,” I said the third Sunday night in the penthouse.
Nathaniel looked up from his e-reader. “Can we do that? There’s nothing here we need to be doing?”
“I don’t care, I need some space, and room to think and breathe, and I want to walk outside and not bump into half the population of the United States.”
He’d let me do the majority of the planning. I appreciated the thought behind him doing so, but at times it grew overwhelming. I probably should have hired a planner, but I’d had the crazy idea I could handle it myself.
“Abby?” he asked, his forehead wrinkling.