I twisted my lips. “No. I haven’t.”
“Really?” he drawled, arching an eyebrow. “You stared at the wall for over an hour earlier.”
“I’m not a movie person,” I defended.
“Yeah, but you didn’t stare at me like you usually do when you get bored.”
I attempted humor. “Jesus, Porter. I’m not that creepy.”
“You are that creepy. And I fucking love it. But, tonight, you were off in your own little world.” He pecked me on the lips and smiled. “And you didn’t even invite me to come with you.”
Unable to reply around the lump in my throat, I inched into his space until he rolled to his back and tucked me into his side so my head was resting on his chest.
My breathing shuddered as I fought to keep my emotions beneath the surface.
“Jesus, Charlotte,” he whispered, but he didn’t push to make me explain.
His fingers played in my hair as mine gripped his arm impossibly tight while I forced myself to stay in that moment with him and not disappear into the past.
His mouth came to the top of my hair, where he kissed me. “Was tonight too much for you? Like, with the kids?”
I tilted my head back to see him, a pang of guilt hitting my stomach when I saw the worry carved in his face. “No. The kids were great. I love seeing him happy. And Hannah’s a doll.”
He blew out a relieved breath. “Good. Okay. So, was Brady a dick when you picked up Travis?”
I cut my gaze to the corner. “He started to be, but then I realized he’s just sad. Travis isn’t really giving him much of a chance.”
“Yeah. He’s not Brady’s biggest fan. Apparently, Brady’s been talking shit about you to his wife.”
I scoffed. “Well, that’s nothing new.”
His jaw became hard. “Maybe not, but it’s a problem when my son overhears it. He’s got to cut that shit out if he wants any hope of a relationship with Travis. You’re his mother. And, if he was any kind of man, he’d respect that and try to reinforce that bond, not tear it down.”
My mouth was so fast that my mind didn’t have the chance to filter my rough tone before I’d released the words into the wild. “Is that what you’re planning to do for Hannah?”
His chin snapped to the side. “What?”
I clamped my mouth shut and rolled away.
“Charlotte, what the hell?” he questioned as I started yanking my clothes up off the floor.
I gave him my back so he couldn’t read the lie on my face. “Travis and I need to get home.”
“It’s one in the morning, and you told him you were spending the night.”
When I heard the mattress creak, I hurried to get my shirt over my head before he could stop me.
“Yeah, but I just remembered—”
The room plunged into darkness, which sent a tsunami of panic crashing down over me. I didn’t want Catherine in the darkness. That was mine and she couldn’t have it.
“No. Turn them back on! Turn them back on! Turn them back on!”
Blessed light flooded the room, and my whole body trembled with relief.
“What the hell is going on?” he rumbled.
“I have to go home,” I choked out, rushing to my shoes and slipping them on.
I hadn’t made it more than two steps when he suddenly wrapped me up in a hug.
“You have to talk to me.”
“Porter, stop,” I cried.
He let me go, but then he stepped in front of me, blocking my path to the door. “Let me in, Charlotte.”
“I need to leave.”
He shook his head and planted his hands on his hips. “Whatever the fuck that has been poisoning your head all night, you gotta give it to me, sweetheart. I can’t fix it if I don’t know what it is.”
My eyes welled with tears. He was right. She was poisoning me. She’d already ruined my life. And, now, she was about to ruin my relationship with Porter too.
“I have to…get away from her,” I admitted.
“Who?” he breathed, taking a step toward me, his hands going to my hips and pulling me close.
“Catherine,” I croaked.
His hands spasmed, but his face softened. “Baby, she’s not here.”
“She raised my child in this house, Porter. I can’t do this. I didn’t think about it before I agreed to come here. But it’s all I’ve been able to think about.”
He blew out a loud and long exhale. “Come with me, Charlotte.”
I shook my head, but when he took my hand and intertwined our fingers, I had no choice but to follow him.
Shirtless and in only a pair of pajama pants, he led me through the house and out the front door.
“Porter, the kids. We can’t leave.”
“We’re not going anywhere,” he said. After guiding me to the curb, he stepped behind me and then pointed to a cute one-story brick house at the end of the cul-de-sac. “That was the house Catherine and I bought together.”
“What?” I breathed.
He shifted my back closer to his front and rested his chin on the top of my head. “Remember the day at Tanner’s pond when I tried to pick a fight with the water? Well, that was the day the kids and I moved out. I didn’t have this one yet, but I refused to stay in that house anymore. Her deceit was suffocating me, no matter how hard I tried to move on. I’d been doing my best to keep the kids’ lives stable after losing her, but I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing her holding him underwater. We moved into my parents’ house while I debated on what to do. I wanted to keep Travis in the same school district, and back then, he had a few friends in the neighborhood. The minute this house came on the market, I bought it sight unseen.”
He turned me in his arms and dropped his forehead to mine. “Outside of a few things in the kids’ bedrooms, there’s nothing in my house of Catherine’s. For the last three years, I kept a picture on my dresser of her holding Travis as a baby.” He paused before correcting himself. “The real Travis, not your Lucas. I left it there so the kids wouldn’t have to feel like they had to erase her from their lives too. But, last week, when I got home from the police station, I shattered it against the wall.”
My breathing shuddered, and I looped my arms around his neck. “I hate her so much for what she did. She ruined my life, Porter. She took the only thing I would have died to keep.”
“And I will never fault you for that. I hate her too. But there’s still a small part of me that feels guilty for not recognizing that she had some serious psychological problems. Christ, Charlotte. I would have saved us all a lot of heartache if—”
I slapped a hand over his mouth. “Don’t do that. That’s the what-if vortex that will swallow you whole if you let it. Don’t go there, Porter. Stay with me.”
He swayed into me as his eyes turned to glass.
I held his stare until he nodded.
Removing my hand from his mouth, I confessed, “I felt like I was slipping into her life tonight.”
“Jesus, Charlotte. That’s some heavy shit. Why didn’t you say anything?”
I shrugged. “Because it wouldn’t have been your fault. I don’t know. I was blamed for a lot of years for something I couldn’t change. I guess I didn’t want to do that to you.”
He hugged me tighter. “I never would have asked you to come over here tonight if there was even a tinge of her anywhere in my house. Hannah is all there is left of Catherine in my life and she’s the only part of that woman I will ever expect you to accept.”
“It’s not Hannah’s fault. She is an innocent little girl, Porter.”
“I’m really fucking glad you feel that way. Because every time she got near you tonight, I worried that she was overwhelming you. I love you, Charlotte. But that’s my daughter.”
“Porter. Hannah doesn’t bother me at all. And if she did…I would have left. I would never put you in a situation where you had to choose. It’s why, back when I was struggling with the fact that you had children, I was trying so hard to figure out a way to be okay with it. I know you love your kids.” I pressed a slow and reverent kiss to his lips. “And, if you want the truth, it might be the biggest reason why I love you. In a world where people told me to move on and let go, with you, I didn’t have to feel guilty for still loving my son as much as I did because, if you were in my shoes, you would have been just as devastated.”