She crushed her body to his, and he held her so tightly it nearly knocked the breath out of her. Her heart was pounding, and suddenly something in her crashed down, something she hadn’t seen coming, something for once that wasn’t comparable to anything she’d read in a book or dreamed or fantasized about.
He moved toward her achingly slowly, and she stretched up to him with longing, prolonging the delicious second before she could feel him, taste him once more, and he smiled at her, knowing exactly what she was feeling and exactly what it meant.
Then all of a sudden he jerked back, and she heard it, too: tire tracks on the farm road. She smiled ruefully, assuming it was a feed supplier or the vet, but he shook his head; he obviously recognized the sound of the car. He stepped back, his face distraught.
“Oh, Nina, I’m sorry,” he said, although she didn’t realize what he meant right away. “I’m so sorry.”
And into the courtyard, scattering chickens as it went, came a white Range Rover Evoque, skidding to an ungainly stop.
Chapter Thirty-five
Nina watched from the shadows of the barn as the woman emerged.
She was, amazingly, pretty much exactly how Nina had thought she would be: blond, with curly hair, slightly boho in style. Gorgeous, in fact. She didn’t look like she fit with Lennox at all, although when they were standing together, Nina could suddenly see it, his height and his lean, broad-shouldered physique showing off Kate’s sleek curves very well. They made an attractive contrast.
Nina stiffened as Kate kissed him on both cheeks. She didn’t know what to do. Hiding seemed ridiculous. Should she march out and demand to be introduced as Lennox’s girlfriend? That was even worse; it wasn’t at all what she was, and it felt like the most ridiculous word to describe what they were going through, a silly, childish term that came nowhere near describing what she felt when he was near her: like sunshine and a storm all at once, tearing through her. She swallowed, feeling her heart race.
Then Kate was marching toward her, smiling, showing very nice teeth. Nina felt incredibly awkward. In another life, in another world, she liked this woman, although she was nothing like her. Now all she could see was what she lacked next to her; not just the carefully mismatched style, or the barely there makeup, which even Nina knew took every bit as much effort as the more obvious look. No, it was the sense of shared history: Kate and Lennox striding the streets of Edinburgh together, arm in arm, building a world together, loving each other enough to get married. The idea of Lennox standing up in front of a crowd of people and saying “I do” made her feel very strange, and deeply jealous and wrong-footed.
“Hi,” said Kate, disarmingly warm, but with calculation behind the greeting. Nina felt sized up, from the provenance of her shoes to her slightly bitten nails, a habit honed over hours of holding a book in one hand. “Can I come in?”
She tried to remember that this woman was coming to take away what she had undeniably come to think of as her home, the only place she wanted to be, the only job she wanted to do, the only man she had ever wanted right down to the very bones of her soul.
Kate looked around dismissively at the piles of books Nina had managed to accumulate in the immaculate bookshelves; at the scatter cushions she’d bought for the minimalist sofa.
“Like what you’ve done with it,” she said, in a tone that seemed to indicate a joke but obviously meant anything but.
“Um . . . I know . . . I mean, I know I’m not on a long lease or anything,” said Nina, wondering why she was kowtowing to this person even as she had the power to ruin her.
Kate waved her hand. “Oh yes. He never could drive a hard bargain, my husband. Amazed the bloody farm’s still standing.”
She looked Nina up and down, and Nina flushed, wondering if she knew. And why did she still call him “my husband”?
“How are you finding Kirrinfief?”
“Um . . . it’s been interesting,” said Nina, not quite able to find the words to talk about how much everything had changed for her in the short time she’d been there.
“It’s a hole, isn’t it?” said Kate. “I couldn’t believe it. I’ve never been happier than when I got out. I hear you’re off, too?”
“Um, did you?”
Kate frowned. “Lesley in the village mentioned you were thinking about the Orkneys. Christ, it sounds even worse than here.”
“Where do you live?” said Nina.
“Oh, I’m . . .” She didn’t finish. “Let’s just say I have plans,” she said finally. “Now let me see what that bloody Lennox is up to.”
She turned back to the door of the barn, pausing only to give a critical look at a tatty but adorable rug that Nina had picked up at one of the trunk sales she’d worked at.
“Lennox! When the hell are you going to call off your attack dog?”
Lennox was still standing in the farmyard, looking awkward.
“Parsley?”
Kate snorted. “Not fucking Parsley. That dog would gum a burglar to death. I mean Ranald.”
“He’s just doing his job,” said Lennox.
“By starving me to death,” said Kate.
Lennox closed his eyes briefly. “Can we discuss this inside?”
Nina took the van down to Pattersmith and gloomily sold not many books. Her mood was obviously showing on her face, and she couldn’t concentrate on anything; could barely raise a smile for the children. She wished she’d kidnapped Parsley; at least she’d have someone around her in a good mood.
Her imagination ran riot. What were they hammering out? Was Lennox going to give everything up? Maybe he would; maybe he thought that might be easier. Or right. She couldn’t see Kate running a farm somehow. Or maybe . . . A darker thought intruded into Nina’s mind. After all, Kate was so gorgeous. And Lennox, too. And maybe . . . There must have been an attraction there once.
She sighed, and absentmindedly let a brand-new best-selling hardback go for the price of a paperback. Innes the fish man tried to hide his beam of joy and scurried off at full speed.
She had an early supper at the pub with Edwin and Hugh, who were always pleased to see her, but who happened to mention that they’d seen Mrs. Lennox, and had she been up to the farm? Such a lovely lady, so pretty, and Nina couldn’t really bear that for much longer, so with a heavy heart, she headed home, bumping the van up the lane.