Colvin looked at her in confusion. “Yes. Through the Medium, that can happen. That is what I wanted to show you in my tome. The reference to it. Lia, what is wrong? You look ill.”
“Nothing,” she lied, staring at the ground. The truth stung her as if she grasped for a rose stem without realizing there would be so many thorns.
“I thought you would be…we thought you would be pleased. If you were Family, you could study at an Abbey. You could finally become a learner.” His voice was concerned. “I thought that is what you wanted.” He stood in front of her, perplexed by her reaction apparently. “You were not expecting this.”
Lia shook her head, unable to meet his eyes, unable to free herself from a rising surge of humiliation. Tears betrayed her again, and she squeezed the trunk so hard her fingers ached. She could not stop the tears and turned her face away.
“Do you…do you understand what I am offering you?” he mumbled and she could hear the anger starting to surge in his voice. “Lia? Were you expecting something else from me? You thought I was going to…to what? Tell me what you are thinking!”
She bit her lip, too ashamed to say the words. She gazed up at him, her eyes blurred with tears and saw the wild look of distress in his face. He was confused, angry, concerned.
He stared at her, his hands slowly clenching. “This is not what you were thinking I would offer. You thought…I wanted to marry you?”
He said it, confirming her worst fears and plunging her into darkness. He said it out loud. There was no going back. There was no way to pretend their conversation had not happened. No way to disguise how she felt about him.
“Is that what you thought, Lia?” he asked in a flat voice.
She looked at him desperately, begging him to leave with her mind.
“Is it?” he said fiercely, his eyes blazing.
Weakly, she nodded. It was the only admission she could make, for not even her tongue would obey her. She had desperately wanted to believe it. Marciana’s words haunted her: we are slow to believe that which if believed would hurt our feelings.
It unleashed a new kind of storm. As thunder boomed over Muirwood, Colvin stood back from her, his eyes blazing with shock and anger. A sharp wind whistled through the grove as he stared at her, understanding for the first time. “I cannot believe this. What do you think would happen if I were to pledge myself to a wretched? I am from a noble Family. My mother was from a noble Family. I have a duty, a sworn duty, an obligation and covenant that has lasted for hundreds of years that binds my family to the Medium forever. I have a duty to marry someone of the noble blood. I know you are strong in the Medium, Lia, but I cannot give you that. I could never give you that.” He shook his head, as if someone had slapped him. “I am the Earl of Forshee. Do you have any idea what would happen if I were to choose someone of your station to be my wife? Forgetting my duty, forgetting the oaths my forbearers have sworn and that I swore myself. Do you have any idea the mockery, the ridicule, the contempt that would bring to me and to my Family?” His face showed outrage, his lips quivering as he spoke.
Lia could hardly breathe. Each word, each glimpse at his eyes was a dagger thrust in her heart. “I am sorry, Colvin. I am sorry I…I just thought…I hoped…”
“I would lose my earldoms,” he went on. “I would lose all my lands save perhaps a small cottage or freehold. Is that what you want? A marriage must be a marriage of equals, Lia. You are my superior with the Medium. I know that and accept it. But you are not my equal in rank. You are a wretched – someone who does not know her ancestors. You grasp at something you just cannot have!”
Lia choked on her tears. “You think that of me?” she said, blinded by her shame as well as the tears and unprepared for the hot surge of anger that followed. “That I was trying to snare you? To snare you?”
Colvin’s face twisted with anger. “I have never tried to pretend anything with you.”
“Nor have I!”
“Then how could you think that I would ever marry you? You know me, Lia! You know me more fully than anyone else. It is my duty to protect Demont’s niece, it is not what I desire to do. It is my duty to carry on my family name honorably. Duty is greater than a wish. It is the motive that compels me. That goads me.” His voice fell, but his face showed all the fiery emotion still raging inside of him, a look of pure contempt and loathing. “I must go. We cannot be seen like this.”
“Please!” Lia said, grasping his arm, but he shook her grip off. “Please, Colvin. I am sorry. I misunderstood.”