"I'm not bargaining away my soul or anyone else's," were my first words when I followed Ian and the demon outside of the subterranean garage. Maybe if Balchezek thought I was uncompromising on this point, he wouldn't press me for conditions that, in my desperation, I might take him up on.
The demon snorted. "Good, because I don't want yours, and-newsflash-you don't have authority over anyone else's, Miss Overthinks Her Importance."
I was beyond relieved to hear that, but I pretended to bristle at the insult. Ian laughed. "She does at times, doesn't she?"
"Before we go further, why would you want to help vampires over your own kind?" I might be desperate, but I wasn't about to ignore the most logical question.
"Because I hate my job," Balchezek said promptly.
My brows rose. "You consider damning souls a job?"
"What would you call something you have to do in order to fit in, where you're bitched at whenever you underperform, yet you're never, ever appreciated for when you do it right?" Another snort. "I guess marriage also qualifies, but for me, it's contracting souls."
Was it possible that all demons weren't evil incarnate? That one could feel remorse over what he'd done? "So you don't like having to condemn people?"
He looked at me like I was crazy. "Some meat monkey comes crying to me about, oh, I need this or that, give it to me and you can have whatever you want. So I give it, then he bitches about the terms after the bill's come due, and I'm the one who's supposed to feel bad?"
All right, looked like I was wrong about him feeling remorse! "Yeah, because you're taking advantage of people when they're at their lowest," I pointed out. "It's not fair."
He rolled his eyes. "It's not like I was consulted when the downstairs went to war against the upstairs. I'm just supposed to do what I'm told, all day, every day, for the rest of eternity whether I like it or not. And if I don't do it, then I get thrown into the lake of fire. Don't talk to me about fair."
"So what do you want in return for helping us?" I asked, giving Balchezek a calculated once-over. "You're offering us information to help beat this demon, and you just proved that it's not out of a sense of repentance."
Balchezek smiled. "Not at all. I want a place in your world. If I try to abscond on my own, the higher-ups will come after me, and I'd rather die than get caught cowering among humans. But if I'm under a vampire's protection, I become more trouble than I'm worth. It's like I said, most demons don't want to poke the fang beehive if they can avoid it."
"You want me to take you in as a member of my line?" I couldn't quite keep the appalled sound out of my voice.
"You take in ghosts," he said, spitting out the word like it was foul. "Yet a demon isn't good enough for you? Besides, I don't want protection from your line. You're so priggish, you'd make me crazy. But you," a nod at Ian, "are more my style."
Ian inclined his head in acknowledgment of their similarities. "You're set in your decision? Because while I don't require morals from members of my line, I do expect loyalty. How can I be sure you won't change your mind later?"
"Know that movie where the underappreciated cubicle workers flip out, beat their copy machine to smithereens, and then rob their own company?" He flashed his teeth in something too feral to be considered a smile. "Consider that demon in your friend my copy machine, and my robbery is spilling secrets of my race to tell you how to save him, and your other friends, without killing them."
Ian stretched out his hand, which the demon grasped without hesitation. "Fulfill your promise, and you are welcome in my line with my full protection."
Balchezek shook his hand. "Great. That's part one of my terms."
Why wasn't I shocked that the demon had more conditions? "What's part two?"
He let go of Ian's hand and smiled at me. "Life's not worth living without a few basic comforts, eh? I want money. An obscene amount of money, to be specific."
I didn't have tons in the bank, but Bones had built up a fortune over his centuries of bounty hunting and investments guided by a vampire who caught glimpses of the future.
"Fine. When this is over, I'll be sure you get a check that'll make me vomit when I write it, how's that?"
Balchezek coughed. "I'll need a little down payment on that promise." And then he nodded at my hand.
I glanced down at the red diamond ring Bones had given me the day he asked me to marry him. Its sentimental value to me was priceless. Because of the rareness of red diamonds and its five-carat size, its market value was also through the roof.
I twisted it off and handed it over without needing a moment to think. I'd rather have Bones alive than a rock that would break my heart with memories if he were dead. "Fine. When you've helped us boot that bitch out of everyone without killing them, you'll give that back in exchange for your obscene check. Agreed?"
The creature who had bound countless others to supernatural deals stuffed the ring in his pocket and smiled. "Consider it done."
I smiled back, making sure to show my fangs in warning. "I'll hold you to that."
Two vampires and a demon, allied together. It was a Christmas miracle alright, but of the macabre kind. Still, I'd take my miracles however I could get them.