When the boys came home from school on their holidays, it would be like old times.
We would ride the plantations together, and play games in the drawing room and on the lawns of Brianag. It was on one of their visits home that I fell in love with Robbie.
I still remembered the moment clearly. I was thirteen. It was a warm day in April. He and Cathy had come galloping up to the porch of Gillean as they had countless times before, and I had run out of the house to greet them. He had swept me up in his arms for a hug as he always did, his green eyes snapping with fun; but on that day an unfamiliar feeling had swept me, leaving me speechless, and too weak to stand. Fortunately Kevin and Sean had been there, hugging Cathy, and I was able to sink into a chair without anyone noticing my discomfiture.
Before that day I had never given any thought to my future, but had gone innocently and blissfully through my days, avoiding my mother when I could, riding the plantation with Sean and Kevin and Robbie, romping in the barns and fields, or giggling with Cathy and August as we lay in bed together. At last, wakeful in my bed a few nights later, wideeyed and heated, I realized that I was changing into a woman, and that I was in love with Robbie. Even then, with my undeveloped body and mind, I had wanted him so ardently that I wept into my pillow, turning from side to side in my bed, wishing that I could run to him and tell him of my passion.
I began to put more effort into my education. I became quite accomplished on the pianoforte. I began to enjoy singing for the entertainment of guests. I practiced calligraphy and embroidery. I disciplined myself to work hard to become a young lady that Robbie would love, would want to marry.
Then, two years ago, John Belden had entered our lives. Sometimes, when my heart was about to break with missing Robbie, though I knew my dear friend Cathy loved him and was a happy wife now, I hated John and wished him dead. Now that Cathy was married and living at Grant's Hill, there was less reason for me to visit Brianag. During the first year of her marriage she had visited often, and our times together changed little; the boys were finished with school and were always in the neighborhood. Though they often disappeared for days at a time, with Cathy and August I was content until they returned. But now that she was expecting the child, she could not travel to Brianag, a half day's journey from Grant's Hill.