What would he say? What would I?
I did not return to Gillean before the ball, but traveled with August and her family to Brianag the day before Midsummer. The drive was very pleasant, with the breeze stirring the leaves on the trees and swishing through the fields. Brianag was only a short distance from Shannon's Loch; as we drew nearer, I began to feel as though a horde of frenzied butterflies was fluttering in my breast.
We were greeted by Mr. and Mrs. Randall; Robbie was not there, and of course Cathy would not attend the ball this year. Her absence struck me painfully as we went into the house.
"The young ladies shall stay in Cathy's room, of course; she has written me with instructions!" said Mrs. Randall. "How she longs to be here!"
"Oh, how we wish it also!" I cried. "It shall not be the same without her, indeed."
"Next year, all will be the same again," said Mrs. Randall. Her voice shook slightly; I realized that in my own distress I had not considered how she must be affected by Cathy's absence.
"Of course it shall," said Mrs. O'Reilly. "And think! There will be the bairn!"
"Yes; how I long to see it and Cathy here!" Mrs. Randall answered.
There were numerous guests at the house who had come early for the ball the following day; supper was served in the drawing room. August and I played cards together afterwards; Robbie did not come. We went to bed late and had breakfast in our room; we strolled about Brianag until dinner time, and afterward we went upstairs to rest. We took off our gowns and sat in our shifts; I stared out the window, and realized I was listening for Robbie. My heart was still fluttering; I had not eaten at dinner for feeling so anxious.
Finally it was time to dress; my new gown was of blue silk the color of phlox, with white laces and silver embroidery on the stomacher. Lily combed my hair up and pinned it with ribbons; as I stared at my reflection I could only see my eyes, huge and dark in my pale face.
"Jessie, you look beautiful!" said August. "A beautiful lady."
She herself was lovely in a wine-colored gown. "So are you," I answered.
We came down the stairs arm-in-arm.
I heard Robbie's voice as we came down; he was in the hall with his aunt and uncle, greeting guests. I reminded myself to breathe, thankful for August's steadying hand. I went into the drawing room where the musicians were already playing softly, and wandered to the window alone, to give my heart time to slow.