"I am not a bairn any longer! I am a woman, and you know that I am! Can you deny that you desire me? Would you desire a bairn thus?"
He stared at me so hard, I thought he would strike me back, and I braced myself for the blow. But he took a step backward, and lowered his eyes. My handprint appeared on his cheek, vivid against his skin. Remorse swept me and I reached out my hand to him.
"Robbie, please do not spurn me. I am yours! I can never belong to anyone else! You must take me! You must love me!"
He said in a low voice, "I do not deny that I desired you just now. I am but a man. No man could resist you."
"You could love me, could you not, Robbie? Could you? Tell me what I might do to make it so!"
He turned away. "Do not speak anymore," he said. "Compose yourself, or your family will know that something is amiss. You would not want that, would you?"
I stood breathless with rage and fear. I knew that he was right. My mother watched me so closely; she was ever suspicious of my behavior. Robbie knew this well. I was furious that he would use this against me; but as I struggled to gain composure, I knew that I would not give up, that I could fight too, I had my own weapon. Today I had only begun to use it.
We rode home to Gillean together, and when we arrived, appeared to be conversing together as we would on any other day. I went up to my room to lie down and begin my scheme anew.
______________________________
My mother was planning a visit to Charles Town the first week of May, and after that August and I would go to Grant's Hill for a visit with Cathy. I knew that I must have another opportunity to be alone with Robbie very soon.
My chance arrived the last night in April, after my parents and I had retired to bed.
Lying awake as I had been doing every night, I heard horses coming up the drive; leaping from my bed, I flew to the window and saw two people arriving at the house; Kevin andyes, it was Robbie! I heard them laughing together as they dismounted, and heard them enter the house quietly.
I left the window and went to my door, then onto the landing, my feet bare, wearing only my nightdress. I could hear their voices coming from the drawing room; Kevin was pouring whisky. I sat down against the wall between my bedroom door and the banisters, waiting.