“Hey, Tick!” Emma exclaimed, climbing up into one of the chairs.
He bent down and bopped her on the nose. “Hey, Tock. Hot cocoa?”
“With extra marshmallows!” she yelled.
“With extra marshmallows!” he echoed, turning away. His happy demeanor was a bit off-putting. I wasn’t sure what it meant, or how to take it. We hadn’t spoken in days, yet he was acting as if everything was perfect. “Elizabeth, can I get you something?”
He’d called me Elizabeth, not Lizzie.
“Just water,” I said, sitting beside Emma. “Is everything okay?” I asked him as he poured me a glass of water and handed Emma her ‘semi-hot’ cocoa, which he always added a few ice cubes to. She hopped out of her chair and hurried over to find Zeus.
“Everything’s fine. Everything’s good.”
I raised an eyebrow. “We should talk. I know you’re probably upset because I’ve been avoiding you…”
“Have you?” He smirked. “I hadn’t noticed.”
“Yeah, it’s just—”
He started wiping off the counter. “That your husband killed my family? Yeah, no, that’s cool.”
“What?” My throat tightened and my ears rang as I replayed the words that had just left his mouth. “How did you…?”
“Your best friend Tanner stopped in for a bit yesterday. He wanted to, you know, try to talk Mr. Henson into closing his shop. So then he and I had a talk. He thought it was sweet how I was able to look past the fact that, you know, your husband killed my family.”
“Tristan.”
He placed the rag down on the counter, stood across from me, and leaned in. “How long have you known?”
“I—I wanted to tell you.”
“How long?”
“Tris…I didn’t know…”
“Dammit, Elizabeth!” he shouted, slamming his fist down. Emma and Mr. Henson turned toward us with looks of curious concern. He was quick to usher Emma into the back room. “How long? Did you know when you told me you loved me?”
I stayed quiet.
“Did you know at the wedding?”
My voice shook. “I thought…I thought I would lose you. I wasn’t sure how to tell you.”
He smiled a tight grin and nodded. “Awesome. That will be two dollars and twenty cents for the hot cocoa.”
“Let me explain.”
“Two-twenty, Elizabeth.”
His stormy eyes were cold once again. There was a coldness I hadn’t seen in his stare since the first day I’d met him. I reached into my pocket, pulled out some change, and placed it in front of me. Tristan picked up the money and tossed it into the cash register.
“We’ll talk later this week,” I said, my voice shaky. “If you let me, I’ll explain everything the best I can.”
His back was to me, and he gripped the countertop by the coffee machines. His head lowered, and I could see how red his hands were turning from his tight hold. “You need anything else?” he asked.
“No.”
“Then by all means, stay the fuck out of my life.” Tristan dropped his hold on the counter, called for Zeus, who came running out toward him, and then the two of them left the store, the overhead bell sounding their exit. Mr. Henson and Emma came out from the back room.
“What happened?” Mr. Henson asked, walking over to me. He placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, but it didn’t stop my shaking body.
“I think I just lost him.”
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Tristan
April 7th, 2014
Goodbye
I stood on the hilltop in the far back of the cemetery with Zeus by my side. Everyone else stood around the side-by-side caskets, all dressed in black, with tears in their eyes. Mom’s body shook in Dad’s hold. All of Jamie’s and my friends stood by, brokenhearted.
Charlie’s teacher showed up and cried the whole time.
She was probably thinking that it was so unfair. It was so unfair that Charlie would never have the chance to learn how to handle fractions or what algebra was. That he would never learn to drive stick. That he would never have to apply to college or fall in and out of love. That he would never slow dance with his mother at his wedding. That he would never get to introduce me to his first born. That he would never get the chance to say goodbye…
I wiped my eyes and sniffled as Zeus moved closer to me and laid his head on my shoe.
Dammit, I couldn’t breathe.
They lowered Jamie into the ground first and my legs wobbled.
“Don’t go…” I whispered.
They lowered Charlie next.
“No…” I begged.
My legs collapsed. I fell to the ground and my hands covered my mouth as Zeus comforted me, licking my tears away, trying to make me believe that it was okay, that I was okay, that everything would somehow, someway, turn out okay.
But I didn’t believe him.
I should’ve walked down and stood by my parents, but I didn’t. I should’ve told both Jamie and Charlie I loved them both so fucking much, but my voice went mute.
I stood and turned away, Zeus’s leash wrapped tightly in my grip.
I turned away from Jamie.
I walked away from my son.
And I learned how much it hurt to finally have to say goodbye.
“So you’re running,” Mr. Henson said to me a week later as I parked in front of his store to say our final goodbye.