“See you soon.” I tucked Em into my side and held her tightly all the way down the stairs.
“How was it?” I asked.
“Brutal, like I expected,” she admitted. “But good too. Cathartic, I think. I thought it would hurt to talk about it, and it did, but it also felt like I was taking some of the power away from him by telling someone what he was really like.”
I swallowed hard and squeezed her arm in support as she blew her nose again. I was right about it being hard to hear. Em was dealing a lot better than I was. We walked outside, and I automatically scanned the road for a taxi. There was no way I was letting her get on a bus like this. When Em elbowed me, I realized I didn’t need to bother. Across the road from us, Liam and Kieran leaned against Liam’s truck chatting. We hurried across the road to meet them.
“What are you doing here?” Em asked, throwing herself in Kieran’s arms, then Liam’s for a hug. I knew exactly why they were here. Giving Kieran a fist bump and back slap, I spoke quietly to him while Em spoke to Liam.
“Thanks, Kier.”
“No problem, Con. There’s no way we were letting you make your own way home after this. I’m on strict instructions to update Danny once we get you home as well. So how’s she doing?”
“You know how she is. On the outside, she’s amazing but sleep tonight’s gonna be fucking brutal.”
“Anything we can do?” he asked.
“I wish there was, but I’ve got no fucking clue what I’m doing. I guess I’ve just gotta be here for her while she processes everything.”
“No man. I meant is there anything I can do for you? You need to go a few rounds in the morning, let off some steam?”
“I could use a hug,” I told him straight-faced. Anyone else and they’d have told to fuck off, and even though I really was taking the piss, Kier hugged me.
* * *
Listening to my girl sobbing in her sleep in the dead of night, was fucking heartbreaking. Last week I came home to find her crying over a chick flick about some guy who couldn’t find a way to tell his girl that he loved her until he’d nearly lost her. I didn’t get it. If you love someone, you don’t sit there fucking moaning about it. You get your arse up and make her see you’re the only man for her. Or kidnap her until she sees sense. If you don’t love something enough to fight for it, you don’t really love it at all. Still Em had cried like it was the end of the world. A big hug, cup of tea, and a bar of chocolate, and she was all good. But this was not good. It was so fucking far from good I didn’t know where to begin.
“No, no, no,” she moaned quietly into her pillow. Her body was curled up in the fetal position in the middle of the bed, her frowning face tortured in sleep.
“Mum, help me!” she cried into the dark. Lying on my back, my arms out at my sides, I tried to let her cries pass over me, not through me. My fists were clenched so tight I thought the knuckles would burst through the skin any minute. I hoped for it. The pain would give me something else to focus on.
“Mum, please help me, please, please.” That was it. I seriously couldn’t take this anymore. I tried to wake her up when she first had them but she’d start hyperventilating and it took me ages to calm her down. Her therapist told us that as long as the dreams weren’t chronic or violent, I should let her sleep. That is was her brain’s way of working though shit. Until recently, she hadn’t had one since we first met. It was like Frank got locked up, and bam, no more dreams. Some days now, she’d wake up and not remember she’d been dreaming. I learned not to bring it up after she’d kissed me good morning once and I’d asked how she slept after her nightmare. The look of pure joy drained out of her and what was left was fear.
Now with the training, I wasn’t there when she woke. So I went back to the notes. Every morning, whether she’d been dreaming or not, I’d leave a note for her. I would always be the dragon she woke up to whether in person or on paper. I’d even leave a doodle on some of them to make her smile, and I can’t draw for shit. Love makes us do stupid things.
“Please, Frank. Don’t do this.” To my shame, I sat up and ran my fingers through my hair, and with one last, painful look at Em I walked to the bathroom, shut the door, and sank to the floor, resting my head in my hands. Banging my head against the door, I crossed my hands over my knees, and I looked up at the water-stained ceiling. How do you fight an enemy you can’t see? Frank’s arse was in jail, and even if I could beat the ever-loving shit out of him, it wouldn’t help Em.
A soft groan sounded from behind the door, and a new wave of shame washed over me. I wanted to hurt someone, but there was no one to hurt. No one that would make me feel any better anyway. I wanted to rage at someone, but there was nothing I could shout that could take back what was done. In the end I realized that there was only one way left to fight. And that was by my girl’s side.
Growing a pair of balls, I dragged my sorry arse off the floor and back to bed. Wrapping my arms around her, I pulled her into my side. She burrowed in subconsciously, looking for my body heat. For more than a year, she’d been my sunshine in a dark place. Now it was my turn to be hers. So when I left for training the next morning, I made sure she knew I was still with her. Even with my scrawl, it was still pretty legible with no lines through it or spelling mistakes, which was a big fucking achievement for me. In fact, I was pretty pleased until I decided to doodle a teddy bear on the front, which ended up looking more like a Chucky doll. Still, I’d bet she’d keep it with all the others.
Hey Sunshine,
I hope you slept well. By the time you read this, I’ll probably be running. But I just wanted to let you know I’m with you at school or court. I’m with you. Always. One lifetime will never be enough, baby.
I love you,
OC xxx
PS. Sleeping in sexy red panties is banned for the foreseeable fucking future. I can’t go running with a hard-on anymore. It’s getting embarrassing!”
* * *
“What the fuck?” I said as Kieran, Tommy, and I walked in through the door of our flat to the sight of Nikki holding a giant purple dildo.
“Hey guys” she greeted us with a smile. “How’s the training going?” The three of us stood there with our mouths open like goldfish. All of us were distracted by the hypnotic, therapeutic buzz of the dildo as it vibrated in her hands.