Ava looked down at our joined hands before tracing the line of words tattooed on my arm.
“Find what you love and let it kill you.” Her fingers were cool against my skin. “Who said that?”
“Charles Bukowski.” I looked at my arm. “I was young and thought it made sense, given what I do.”
“But not anymore?” Her bright eyes met mine.
“The meaning changed as I grew older.” I shrugged, unsure I could explain how I felt.
“What does it mean to you now?”
“Not what I thought it did yesterday.”
MAVIS WAS TAPPING her spoon on the table and I was debating if I was fast enough to snatch it out of her hand. I had a feeling I wasn’t and that she’d end up killing me with it instead. My head was throbbing and the bag of ice I was holding to my cheek didn’t seem to be helping at all. As the adrenaline left my system, I realized I hurt pretty much everywhere.
“Can you please stop?” I looked pointedly at the spoon.
“Sorry.” Mavis sat the spoon down and returned her gaze to the clock above the kitchen sink. Within seconds her foot took up the same rhythm against the table leg.
“Ava, did you use my phone?” Owen walked into the kitchen, his expression blank.
Busted.
“Um, yeah. I sent an email the other day.”
“No, no. Say it like you aren’t guilty.” Mavis perked up. “Make him feel bad for asking. You’ve got to mean it. ‘Of course I sent an email. Did you expect me to sit around and do nothing while evil henchmen stalked me?’”
“Um.” I looked back at Owen who was staring at me. His blank expression was slipping into one of frustration. “Did she respond?”
“No.” His voice was calm.
“Oooh. He’s mad.” Mavis sat back in her chair and crossed her arms.
“Would you stop it?” I glared at her.
“Yes, just like that, but to him.” She jerked her chin in Owen’s direction.
“I’m serious. You’re making this worse.” I chewed on my bottom lip. I felt like I’d betrayed him. And he found out just after his brother had tried to kill him.
“Oh, good.” Mavis smiled and I pictured punching her face. Maybe I’d get in one good hit before she reacted. Her smile wilted and she rolled her eyes. “Okay. Fine. I’ll go. But I’m going to listen from the other room.”
She took her time extracting herself from the table and walked slowly across the linoleum. She had taken her tall shoes off and she seemed even smaller next to Owen. Her hand darted out and she rubbed his good arm. He leaned down and listened to something she said. Jealousy bubbled up my throat and I squashed it. He wasn’t mine. I had no real claim to him, just a fictional story to hide behind in public.
When she walked off he sat down in her chair and watched me.
“I emailed Tessa. I used our old email addresses. She probably hasn’t even gotten it.” I lowered my voice, certain that Mavis would follow through with her threat to listen from the other room.
“I thought you agreed to not contact her.” He sat his phone down on the table.
“I figured that no one would look for email addresses we used years ago, but if Tessa thinks I’m in trouble she will go through everything.”
He sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “I’m trying.”
“Trying to what?” I cringed a little.
“To not lose my temper. Mavis reminded me that you aren’t like us. You don’t know how to handle this.” He lifted his good shoulder. “You’re normal.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Thank you for that glowing compliment.”
“I just meant you were bound to do something like this.”
“Like what?” I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms. “Like worrying about a dear friend and trying to warn her that she was in trouble?”
“Exactly.” He leaned forward. “These people are the real thing. If your parents kept journals, they will find them. An active email account you don’t use anymore? That’s just a few minutes of work. If she responds, they will know exactly where she’s staying.”
“So I was just supposed to sit back and let her blunder into this mess? She’s family. She’s all I’ve got left and I’m going to try to keep her safe.” I stood up. “I might be normal, but I’m not stupid. I knew if I asked you again, I would get the same answer. So I took an opportunity when I saw it.”
“That’s not—”
“No, it’s okay. Go yuk it up with Mavis. I don’t know how to hogtie a three hundred pound man. I can’t speak Mandarin or German. I don’t know how to disassemble and reassemble an assault rifle in twenty seconds. I’m just a boring old normal person, scared out of my mind and trying to keep my only friend and myself alive.” I wasn’t making sense but I didn’t care. I thought I’d been pretty calm considering everything that I’d gone through. Apparently the word normal was my secret trigger.
For the first time since I’d met him, Owen looked frightened. I checked over my shoulder to see if someone was standing behind me, but there was no one there. Go figure. The man could kill people with a punch but my meltdown scared him.
Turning on my heel I stomped out of the kitchen. Mavis was sitting in an old wingback chair next to the stairs. She gave me a thumbs-up and I growled at her. She was not nearly as funny as she thought. There wasn’t much upstairs, but I couldn’t go back downstairs. What was the point of storming away if I just went right back?