He continued, “The second we have the stone, you’ll have to use it. You can’t hesitate. And, I know you saw my price. I know that you saw what it did to me and your price will be so much worse. It will be the third time the stone has been used.” His amber eyes slid over my face, fixating on my lips. When he realized he wasn’t blinking, he turned his face away, breathing deeply.
My mind fog started to clear. The lust induced haze that rendered me silent faded. All I could manage to say was, “Eric, I have to use it. There’s no other way, is there?”
He shook his head somberly, serious for once. When his gaze lifted, I felt like I was staring into his soul. I could see and feel everything. Sensations choked me in a cloud of emotion. Eric stood in front of me, casually leaning back and literally bared his soul. I gasped, but he took my hand, explaining, “You can see me, because you touched my soul once before—when it wasn’t in my body. Healing me at the Pool allows you to see things others don’t.” His lips parted as if he was going to say something, but he stopped.
I felt confused. Afraid. There was an otherworldliness that felt wrong. Like I shouldn’t be able to see what I was seeing. That Eric couldn’t be so… My mind had difficulty wrapping around the idea. It was like his body was a shell, containing something far more vast and powerful than I could comprehend. I averted my gaze, looking away. Swallowing hard, I asked, “That’s what I see now? That’s what I feel now?” It was strange. I could sense him in a way that didn’t make sense. It was like I could feel him thinking. My consciousness was aware of the feelings that went into his thoughts, pulling on memories that made him what he was—the tormented fallen angel sitting in front of me.
He nodded, tilting my face up to meet his gaze, “The blood, plus the way you touched my soul—it makes it hard to hide anything from you. Add that to the power I stole from you, and it makes it worse. It takes so much effort to keep you from seeing me for what I am. What I was … ”
“Then why?” I asked, shivering at his touch. Eric’s hand dropped from my chin. I wanted to understand why he felt the need to hide things. If he trusted me, why bother?
He smiled answering softly, “Are you serious?” He ran his fingers through his hair and looked at me with a surprised expression on his face. “Would you allow me full access to everything you were, and everything you are, and all you want to be? Do you really want me to see every shattered hope? And feel every bit of pain? How could you even ask me that? You, out of all people, should understand.” He was quiet for a minute, blinking, looking past me instead of at me. When Eric’s gaze refocused on my face, he added, “Self-preservation. Same as you. It’s the same reason you shut people out, and push them away.” Eric watched me as I spoke, taking in my reaction. And he was right. I understood what he meant. But I also knew there was more. More he wouldn’t say. More he couldn’t say.
After a moment of silence, he asked, “You know how this ends, don’t you?” I glanced up into his face. Eric looked down at me, with an expression I couldn’t identify. Eric continued, cutting off my thoughts, “There is no other possibility. My curse is on a collision course with you. When you use the stone, if not sooner, my curse will destroy you. I can’t stop it. I’ve tried, but it’s too late. Ivy, my curse will intertwine with yours, and however this ends, it won’t be good. Adding Collin into things, and his blood—you need to understand—you’ll just suck him down too.” He paused and I felt his blood take control of me again. My stray thoughts stopped, as Eric made me listen to him. “Ivy, Collin can’t come with us. His blood will weaken you. If the pain price of using the stone is too great, you’ll feel it even more with him standing there. It’ll destroy him. And you.”
Eric released me. I sucked in air, once again feeling like the cage was too small. It was as if someone was pumping the air out. The cold night suddenly felt hot. I couldn’t breathe. I heard what Eric said, but my gut reaction said he was wrong. I searched my mind, looking for the exact reason, “He has to. Al said I needed both of you.”
Eric nodded, “Yeah, Al said that was part of the prophecy. But there’s one other prophecy that no one’s ever seen. The last one. Ivy, no one knows how this’ll end, but I’m telling you sincerely, warning you—do not take him with us. If you love him, keep him safe. Make him stay here until it’s over.” He took my hand and placed it on his chest. A swell of emotion flooded me. Pleading, Eric said, “I risked too much already, showing you this. But I had to say something … ”
I nodded. I knew he wasn’t lying. I could feel it—hell, I could see it. There was no motive behind his words other than compassion. And, there was nothing like seeing a soul without anything to hide it. The thought made my stomach clench. Eric was right. I did understand why he hid it from me. From everyone. I would do the same thing.
My gaze flicked up to his face. “Fear feeds your affliction, doesn’t it? It makes it harder for you to control yourself.” His gaze slid over my face, locking on my eyes. My stomach dropped. I couldn’t comprehend the horror of what he lived through. Or what was to come. But his curse seemed to feed off of it, never giving him a moment of peace.
“You have no idea,” was all he said.
I stared at him, openly studying his face, his eyes. The curse that the stone cast upon him twisted his life. It made him angry, and bitter. It twisted who he was, making him into the sadistic bastard he was now. Half the time I hated him. The other half, I was confused. His actions didn’t always line up with evil Eric. He was more than that. Eric was beyond good or evil. I could see it. I didn’t know what that meant. But I did know how it affected me. Pressing my lips together, I glanced at him, “Does it help? Does it ease at all—in those moments? When you’re hurting someone?” It was a question that I didn’t want to ask. I already knew the answer. I could see it in his eyes when he hurt me.
Eric’s gaze didn’t leave my face, “You know it does. I know that’s why you were allowing it...” he sucked in a breath and looked away. His jaw stiffened, as he worked the muscle. “Listen, Ivy. We don’t have time for this. I had...”
The blood lust wore thin. It was nearly gone, subdued by Eric and all but gone. He was in full control. But as I watched his lips, and he spoke, my mind drifted back to the Underworld where his words were wild and damning. Evil Eric thrusting me into a rock and saying things that made my blood run cold. The anger, the fury in his eyes when he first found me after I turned him Valefar. The emotions I felt at that moment, pressed through the memory and into the present. Terror raced through my veins. Terror that would feed Eric’s affliction and calm it for a moment. I wanted to give it to him—one last second of solace before we faced the Demon King.
I did it on purpose, allowing him to take what he needed from me. And before I could blink, he could feel it. The veil that hid his soul slammed back down, shutting me out as his instincts warred within him. He was a good man being forced to do bad things. The only way for him to have a moments peace was when he was inflicting pain.
“What are you doing?” concern was in his voice. His brow wrinkled as he turned away from me, trying to fight his natural instincts. But he couldn’t. His control on the bloodlust slipped. It slammed back into me full force. Eric tried to choke it back, but my heart was racing so hard. My body was tense. Ready to run, but trapped—which made it worse. I didn’t try to calm myself down. I allowed my fear to feed him, but he fought it. Eric rejected the terror coursing through me, as if it was causing him pain.
I answered, “You know what I’m doing.” My voice shook as I watched the muscles in Eric’s arms coil tighter. I was drawing out the dark part of him, and he tried to resist. But that wasn’t what I wanted. It wasn’t what he needed. “Stop fighting it, Eric. Be what you are. Take what you need.” Amber eyes flew open as I spoke, wide and wild. He looked crazed, fighting the instincts that were trying to overtake him. My heart raced faster and I found my voice again. “Take some of my power. Take what you need. Do it.” My body tensed as he moved closer, like a wild animal ready to tear me apart. My heart pounded against my ribs like it was ready to explode.
“Ivy...” he breathed unable to say more.
Eric reached me, twisting me in his arms, and pinning me to the cage door. He moved me fast, and my head slammed into the metal mesh with a soft thud. The wind blew at my back, making me shiver against the chilled steel. Eric pressed his hands to the door on either side of my head, locking me in place. I’d seen him in here so many times, and never thought things would be like this. I remembered him kindly smiling at me after my lessons with Al. The boy pinning me to the door was the version constantly fighting for control. The one that went denied and underfed. It made Eric weaker than he was, denying himself like that. And he was right. We couldn’t steal back the dagger and kill Kreturus weak.
My throat tightened as he leaned closer to me. I could feel the heat of his breath slide across my skin. This version of Eric scared the hell out of me. He was still fighting, trying to withhold the bloodlust, attempting to restrain himself. His gaze narrowed as he watched me try to respond. My mouth was dry. Every muscle in my body was flexed, stretching, leaning away from him and pressing my body harder into the metal mesh door at my back.
I whispered, “It’s necessary. Do it.” As his face loomed closer, I turned away. My breath caught in my throat as my pulse pounded, deafening all other sounds. The winter wind howling at my back no longer chilled me. I didn’t even hear it as Eric leaned his warm body onto mine.
His face was so close. His lips were barely brushing against my skin as he spoke. Eric lifted his hand, and traced a vein in my neck, slowly feeling it pulsate under his finger. The thumping of my heart pounded harder. In a heavy breath, he asked, “And Smith?”
I didn’t expect him to ask. I didn’t think he would care. Eric seemed to take what he wanted and not make apologies for it. It was as if he were an animal and didn’t know better. But this—this version of him frightened me the most. It was as if he knew what I was, and he twisted it, using it to mold me into what he wanted—what he needed. The bloodlust coursed through me. I inhaled softly, not wanting him to notice, but knowing he would. The heavy scent filled my head.
I pressed my eyes closed and answered him, “He knows.” It pained me to say it, which made Eric smile wider. Collin knew I’d do this. He knew it was something I needed, that Eric required of me. It was unexplainable, but in the moments I saw Eric’s soul—I knew. We were connected. Our fates were tied together. It was a tangled destiny that allowed him no freedom. No reprieve from me. It left him in a constant state of pain and longing. Loneliness and devastation followed him, weighing heavily on his heart—crushing it to bits. But this. This removed that burden. It freed him, making him into something else. A being I didn’t understand. A being I feared. My voice shook as I added, “Collin’s probably watching. I told him that you would. That you had to.” Despite the cold, sweat rolled down my spine. Eric noticed the shiver. My hands clawed at the locked door behind me as Eric’s finger remained on my throat, moving in a slow gentle movement down my neck.