He went out, and on his way to the mill stood still, and wished for a

moment that he had responded yet more kindly, and kissed her once at

least. Thus they lived through this despairing day or two; in the same

house, truly; but more widely apart than before they were lovers. It

was evident to her that he was, as he had said, living with paralyzed

activities in his endeavour to think of a plan of procedure. She

was awe-stricken to discover such determination under such apparent

flexibility. His consistency was, indeed, too cruel. She no longer

expected forgiveness now. More than once she thought of going away

from him during his absence at the mill; but she feared that this,

Advertisement..

instead of benefiting him, might be the means of hampering and

humiliating him yet more if it should become known.

Meanwhile Clare was meditating, verily. His thought had been

unsuspended; he was becoming ill with thinking; eaten out with

thinking, withered by thinking; scourged out of all his former

pulsating, flexuous domesticity. He walked about saying to himself,

"What's to be done--what's to be done?" and by chance she overheard

him. It caused her to break the reserve about their future which had

hitherto prevailed. "I suppose--you are not going to live with me--long, are you, Angel?"

she asked, the sunk corners of her mouth betraying how purely

mechanical were the means by which she retained that expression of

chastened calm upon her face. "I cannot" he said, "without despising myself, and what is worse,

perhaps, despising you. I mean, of course, cannot live with you

in the ordinary sense. At present, whatever I feel, I do not

despise you. And, let me speak plainly, or you may not see all my

difficulties. How can we live together while that man lives?--he

being your husband in nature, and not I. If he were dead it might

be different... Besides, that's not all the difficulty; it lies in

another consideration--one bearing upon the future of other people

than ourselves. Think of years to come, and children being born to

us, and this past matter getting known--for it must get known. There

is not an uttermost part of the earth but somebody comes from it or

goes to it from elsewhere. Well, think of wretches of our flesh and

blood growing up under a taunt which they will gradually get to feel

the full force of with their expanding years. What an awakening

for them! What a prospect! Can you honestly say 'Remain' after

contemplating this contingency? Don't you think we had better

endure the ills we have than fly to others?"




Most Popular