“No it hasn't!”
“I can't trust you Chase. Especially after this.”
“Harper. We. Are not. Breaking up.” He gripped my hands in his, his whole body shaking. “I was going to propose to you after graduation tomorrow!”
I recoiled at the thought of him asking me to marry him while he'd been cheating on me. “We need to.” I continued, “You obviously still want to live your old life, and I need to not have to worry about what you're doing when I'm not with you.”
“I don't want my old life! I don't want anything without you! You are my everything Harper. You and our baby are my everything.” His head fell into my lap while his body was overtaken by sobs.
I sat there silently and ran my fingers through his shaggy blond hair until he calmed down and looked back up into my face, “Maybe sometime later, after you've had a chance to think about what you really want, we can give us a shot again.”
“Princess please, please don't do this. I can't lose you.”
“You don't have to,” I whispered, “we can remain friends, you can be at all the appointments and I will continue to live here if that's what you want. But Chase, you have just shattered my heart, over what will probably only be one night with Trish. Because of that, I can't be yours right now. I can't be the naïve girlfriend at home with a baby, while you're off with other women.”
“I won't be, I only want you.”
I sat there a moment, concentrating on deep breaths in and out, “It's going to take a lot for me to believe you again Chase, but I'm willing to give you the opportunity to earn my trust again. We're going to have to start over as friends though.”
“I don't want to be your friend Harper!”
“It's that or nothing Chase.” I tried to keep my tone composed for the both of us.
“Baby I'm so sorry. I promise I wouldn't have done that to you, I don't remember anything from last night.”
“I told you, I'll give you a chance if you want it. But I need a few days before we can try to be friends. I really – I'm hurting Chase, I feel like you just confirmed every fear I've ever had of being in a relationship with you. And I'm still not sure how to begin to deal with this.”
He kissed me firmly, and cupped my face, “I will get to the bottom of whatever happened. I love you Harper, more than you could ever imagine.” He brought his mouth to mine again, and I let our lips move against each other for a few moments. I couldn’t help it, I didn’t know if or when we would have this again.
Chase's phone rang, snapping us out of the moment. He started to press ignore, but did a double take and answered, “WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME?! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!” He stormed off into the kitchen, face bright red from anger, “No! You just ruined my life, do you understand that?! Don't f**king apologize to me! Harper is the only person you should be apologizing to, but understand that if you ever contact her, or me for that matter, again, I will make the rest of your life a living hell!” He ended the call and threw his iPhone against the wall, shattering the case and sending pieces towards me. “Oh God, Harper. I'm sorry!”
I shrunk into the chair when he came near me, he still looked like he was about to kill someone. When he saw my movements, his face fell, his anger quickly fading.
“I have to go, before I mess this up more.” He brushed his knuckles along my jaw, “I'm sorry for everything. I can't say that enough Harper, I'm so, so sorry. Please don't end us though, I will earn your trust again somehow, just don't do this.”
“Don't make this harder for either of us, you know how I feel. Let's give it a few days, and we'll see if we can start again as friends. No matter what happens to us Chase, I want you in his life.”
“I love you Princess.” With tears falling freely from his eyes, he kissed me quickly and walked out the door.
13
I didn't realize it was over and people were gathered around us until Bree pulled me up so I was now standing. We looked at each other, not knowing what to say, not knowing what to do. Mom was gripping both of our hands like a lifeline while Dad was standing behind her, holding her upper arms tight enough to support her. Some of their extended family came up and we all broke apart to accept hugs from them. I didn't know who most of them were, though they all knew me. There wasn't a dry eye in the church anyway, but when they looked down, or placed a hand on my stomach, new rounds of hysterics would burst out of them. It seemed too much to bear to everyone that I was holding the only piece left of him in this world. Chase.
It had been four days since the accident.
Four days since he told me he loved me, and I didn't say it back.
Four days since he died.
~~~
Twenty minutes after Chase left, Mom, Dad, Bree and I were sitting around the kitchen table talking through everything that had happened that day. Everyone was more shocked than I had been, but then again, they hadn't been there for every maddening moment of our relationship throughout this last school year. Bree's phone rang, and I knew it was Konrad by the way she answered it. I glanced at the clock, he should be back with my car soon from dropping Brandon off at Chase's house.
“No,” she whispered, face drained of color, eyes wide, “no you're lying. That's not funny babe.”
I tilted my head towards the phone and almost jumped out of my chair when she screamed bloody murder.