He laughed into my cheek and left the bed to throw on nothing but his jeans. God that didn't help much either, they rode low on his hips accentuating his muscled V and that ridiculous Anchorman quote. I took a mental picture of him and knew I would never forget Chase as he looked right now. A few minutes later, Chase walked in and I caught a whiff of bacon causing my stomach to grumble some more.
“You might want to answer that when he calls again.” He dropped my phone next to me and with a sad smile walked back out the door.
I looked down to my phone and saw the twelve missed calls from this morning alone, six from last night and eighteen texts from Brandon and Bree. After reading through them and listening to the voicemails, I took a deep breath and collapsed into the pillows. I hadn't told Brandon I wasn't going to LA, and after Bree dramatized my being sick and alone, and not answering the phone all night or morning, they had really started to freak out. I sent the same text to both of them letting them know I was fine, I'd fallen asleep early last night and left my phone in the other room. I loved them and would talk to them later after a shower and another nap. I know I was being a coward, but I didn't know what I would say to Brandon yet. My stomach fell when I got a response.
Brandon - 'You scared me Harper, Bree thought something bad had happened. I caught an earlier flight, I just boarded. I love you so much, I'll be back to take care of you soon.'
I wasn't ready for my time with Chase to be over and I had no idea what I was going to do about the two men that had my heart. Pulling the covers over my head, I resisted the urge to cry. There was no right way to go about this, and no matter what I did, I would hurt someone and lose a part of myself. Chase didn't say anything for a while after he came back with an omelet and bacon, we just sat there eating. Well, he ate. I'd had the same piece of bacon in my hand since he got back in bed.
“Baby, please say something.” He pleaded as he rubbed soothing circles into my back.
“Brandon will be back in a couple hours.” I finally spoke.
He hissed a curse through his teeth and sagged into the headboard with a thud. “I thought he wouldn't be back ‘til tomorrow night.”
“He got scared when I didn't answer the phone. Bree told him I was sick and alone, and since no one could get a hold of me…”
“Bree called me a few times, begging me to come check on you. Looks like they're all heading home today too.”
“Chase, what should I do?” I began to search his face for answers, but he looked so pained I had to stare at my hands instead.
“I can't answer that for you Princess. No one can.” After a few minutes of intense silence he continued hesitantly, “Who do you want?”
“I don't know!” I blurted out quickly, “I want you Chase, but I can't hurt him. I won’t hurt him anymore than I have. I love him too much.”
He flinched away like I'd slapped him.
“No matter who I choose, people will get hurt. And then what happens if I leave him? He lives in your house Chase. He'll have to see us together, it will kill him, I can't do that to him! He loves me, he hopped the first flight he could because he was scared for me and wants to come back to take care of me. How am I supposed to tell him I'm in love with someone else after that?” I took three deep breaths in and out in an attempt to calm my shaking, “If I left him for you, it would be bad for us. He'd come after you, the guys in the house would take sides. We would be miserable. My body craves you Chase, but I feel like I'm being torn in two. I just – I need a few weeks to think about this. Can you please give me that?”
His jaw was clenched so tightly I thought it might break, “Are you going to ask him to give you time too?”
“No, I can't.”
Chase's eyes turned to ice and his mouth popped open, “So you're just going to go back to him? Pretend like last night never happened? You're so worried about hurting everyone else, do you even realize you'll be hurting me?” He shot up off the bed and started pacing back and forth, “Damn it Harper, don't you see that? I'm the one that will have to watch you with your boyfriend while waiting for you to figure out what you want!”
I flinched when the bedroom door slammed shut behind him. He was right, and I didn't want to hurt him either, but I didn't know what else to do at the moment. I was more in love with Chase than I'd realized, but I couldn't live without Brandon. If I thought I'd hated myself for kissing Chase, I now felt like I was dying thinking about how I'd just betrayed the man I love more than my own life. Even if I thought it was too soon, I'd overheard him talking to his mom telling her he thought I was “the one”, and I couldn't help but smile at thoughts of our future together. I briefly considered a future with Chase, it didn't go far. There's no way Chase felt the same way I did for him. I'm not saying he doesn't love me, but it can't mean the same as it does for me. If I were to choose him, would he go back to being hot and cold once I did, and would he want to be with me for any length of time? As much as I wanted to believe everything he said to me last night, deep down I was terrified he'd up and leave me like he has every other girl. Brandon wouldn't do that, and he's never once treated me badly. His nearly shaved head, chiseled face and tall beefy body may make him appear dangerous, but that boy adored me and would do anything for me. My mind was made up, Brandon is who I would choose when this day ended, in my heart I knew he was who I couldn't live without. But after what happened last night, I'm afraid I'll never be able to give him my entire heart like he deserves.