“Throughout that whole horrendous time he was the first person I cried in front of, the only person I cried in front of.”
Aiden’s eyes narrowed on me, his gaze became sharper, more questioning. “I didn’t know you had cried.”
“He never came back after that night. At first I kept going to the garden, hoping that he would return, but he never did. I was hurt in the beginning, wounded by his rejection but time, and the struggle that our lives became, eased it. And eventually I forgot about that night, eventually I moved on. Eventually I even started dating Bret, but you know how much I resisted that, how fairly platonic our relationship truly was. At first I didn’t understand why it was like that, why I was like that. Every girl in school thought I was crazy for not agreeing to go out with Bret right away, and then for being so distant with him once I did agree.”
“Bethany…”
“And then Cade touched me Aiden.” I couldn’t stop now, once I had opened the bottle on the emotions I had been suppressing, I couldn’t stop them from pouring out of me. I seized hold of his hand, desperate for him to understand, desperate for him to see why I was so broken. And maybe, just maybe, he could even forgive me for being so lost. I wanted him to know that I had not abandoned him, or Abby, that I did not want to die but that I simply couldn’t breathe, or even be anymore because part of me was lost forever. A part of me had been killed with Cade.
“Then Cade pulled me into that antique store, and held me, and he kissed me…” I broke off, knowing this was not stuff Aiden wanted to hear. I swallowed heavily before continuing. “And everything made sense. I was whole for the first time in so long, whole in a way I never knew I could be. My indistinct feelings toward Bret, the strange emptiness inside of me, it all made sense because what I had been missing all along was Cade. With him it was so easy, so beautiful, and so absolute. Even my guilt, and lingering sorrow over surviving that car when dad didn’t, weren’t anywhere near as bad when he was holding me. With him everything was better, even with the world falling apart around us.
“It was true Aiden, you must believe that. You have to also believe that though I am empty without him, I will do everything I can to come back to you and Abby. I love you; I don’t want either of you to experience anymore pain. I’m broken, but I will survive and I will continue to keep on living. Please believe me when I tell you that I do not have a death wish.”
Aiden’s eyes were filled with a sorrow that tore at me. There were tears in his eyes, tears I knew he would later shed for Cade and I. Tears that I was unable to shed for us. “I didn’t know Bethany.”
“I know.”
“I’m sorry. I wish I could take this from you, I truly do. I’m your older brother, I should be protecting you. I should be the stronger one of the two of us, not you.”
I frowned at him, confused by his words. “But you are the stronger one Aiden.”
“You saw dad die, and you never cried. You saw Cade die, and you never cried.” I winced at his words, shying away from the awful memories they aroused. “You are the stronger one Bethany.”
I bit on my bottom lip as I shook my head. “No Aiden. That just makes me the colder one.”
The sadness in his eyes was almost more than I could bear. I embraced him tightly, knowing that I had to leave before I couldn’t. “I love you Bethy,” he said, cradling my head gently.
“I love you too Aiden. I’ll see you soon.”
“I know.”
CHAPTER 4
With just the four of us, we made pretty good time. If the terrain allowed, there were times we were able to jog for a couple of miles at a time before having to take a break. Lloyd would have been able to make even better time without us, but he never became irritated with our slower abilities. According to the GPS it was a little over twenty miles to the hospital. I wished that we could do it all in one day, but I knew eventually we would become tired, hungry, and more than likely come across some form of danger.
I still held out some small hope that we wouldn’t run into anything. The sooner this was over and done with, the happier I would be. Jenna was the first to tire. She had changed a lot from when the aliens had first attacked, but she had always been a girly girl and some habits were hard to break. Physical exercise was still not one of her favorite things, but she had been trying to adapt to our new world. That was the only reason I didn’t become annoyed when she asked for a break after only five miles.
She settled onto the ground, panting slightly as she wiped the sweat from her brow. I still didn’t understand why she had insisted on coming with us in the first place, but I wasn’t going to push her. There were things I preferred to keep secret also. Maybe she had simply wanted to escape the warehouse, and the people, for a bit. I had a feeling it had more to do with wanting to stay near Bret, but she surprisingly hadn’t pursued that relationship as aggressively as I’d thought she would after our break up. Though I suspected she had stayed away because Bret was mistakenly convinced that we would still get back together again one day.
Bret handed Jenna and I each a bottle of water and a power bar. The sun was moving over the horizon, it was getting closer to lunch. “I think we should rest for a couple of hours now. We’ll move again later on in the day,” Lloyd said softly.
“We can’t move as fast at night.”
“We can’t move as fast in the heat either,” Lloyd informed me.
I frowned but nodded my agreement. He was right, it was September but the day was unseasonably warm. The heat would drain our energy, and our water, far faster than any of us wanted. I settled down against a tree and closed my eyes. I hadn’t slept much last night, but I knew I wouldn’t sleep now. Sleep was a lost commodity to me, one that I had given up on a long time ago. I had actually gotten quite good at dealing with the depravation, though I would have welcomed at least a couple of minutes of rest. Anymore time than that and the dreams would start. Dreams that, while comforting at the time, left me lost and broken and aching for something I couldn’t ever have again when I awoke.
I listened to the sounds of the birds and squirrels moving through the trees, reassured and lulled by their presence. I had learned in the beginning that when the aliens were near, the animals became eerily quiet. Apparently they were even terrified, and scared off by the monsters lurking about. I listened to them jump and play, smiling softly as one squirrel yelled angrily at another before skittering down a tree.