I roll with the impact of his words as if it were a physical punch, but, like I’ve been taught, I rebound and step into his space. Tilting my head, I give him no room to focus on anything but me. “I wouldn’t have cared if you told me, but this...”
I flip his tie before I press both of my hands against his chest and push. West staggers back and it’s not because of my strength, but it’s because he gives. “This I can’t forgive. Guess I wasn’t worth fighting for.”
Not allowing him a chance to reply, I pivot and disappear into a swarm of students unloading off the buses. My lower lip trembles and I fight the tears. I walk fast into the school and as the first hot tear cascades down my face I race into the nearest bathroom.
Girls chatter and talk and I ignore them as I duck into the last stall. With the door slammed shut behind me, I slide down the wall and feel as if the ground beneath me is collapsing into a black hole. I suck in air, but none goes into my lungs and then I hold my breath to halt the sob, but it comes regardless—racking my body as if I’m having convulsions.
I’ve lost it all... My home, my family, my hope, West. There’s no place left to go. No more backup plans... There’s no more fight.
Chapter 64
West
I changed into jeans and a T-shirt before driving to the bar. The private-school dress code would get my ass handed to me by a mob of angry laid-off union workers. Though getting the shit kicked out of me by a mob doesn’t sound like a bad idea. It could possibly hurt less than the memory of breaking not only my heart, but the heart of the only girl I’ve ever loved: Haley.
A few guys play poker at a table in the corner. It’s sad I’ve grown fond of the sour stench of spilled beer. Like always, Denny hovers over a laptop near the end of the bar. “You’re late.”
Worthington starts an hour later than public schools. I glance around. It kills me how much pride I’ve got in the dump. The tables and chairs I fixed, the mounting of the speakers, the woodwork along the bar. I finally found something I’m talented at and it all goes down the drain.
I suck in air to keep my fists from closing. I’m not reacting anymore. I’m thinking and I’m giving Haley what she needs. “Thanks for the opportunity, but I’m quitting.”
My boss’s muscles ripple as he straightens. Denny’s the most peculiar person I’ve met: a big-ass man who feeds a stray drug dealer and gives a job to a throwaway. “You crawled back to Daddy after all. I thought you had grown a f**king pair of balls.”
I never told him I was the rich boy. “You’re talking about stuff you don’t know about.”
He crosses his arms over his chest. “I’m talking about shit I’ve known about since your momma was in damned diapers. Sit you sorry ass down and wait.”
It’s like I’ve been absorbed in a tunnel when Denny shuts his laptop and heads into the back. All the sights and sounds and smells of the bar fade away as I sink onto a stool. Thoughts race in my mind... The months of wondering why my mother comes here... Was she having an affair... Abby telling me she came to see her brother...and as Denny slips out of the back with an overstuffed scrapbook in his hand, the horror of the truth makes me dizzy.
“You can still walk away.” Abby slinks up next to me. Doing something she’s never done before, she touches my arm. Nudges it and tilts her head to the exit at the same time. “It’s okay to not want to know some truths. Pretending is much easier. Trust me on this.”
I’m slow meeting her eyes. “Did you lie to me about why she came here?”
“I lie.” The confession with no apology. “It’s what I do to survive and every now and then I do it to help others survive. I need all the good karma I can get.”
The door to the entrance is propped open by a wedge of wood. I could leave and return to my old life like Dad suggested. So many routes to take: head to the party tonight at Mike’s, fill out the new paperwork for the University of Louisville or stay. Leaving could be blissful—to remain ignorant of things that I have no doubt will change me.
Denny drops the scrapbook onto the bar and the sound awakens the drunks and me. Like it’s a spell book that contains magic that can alter history, my hand hovers over the cover, fingertips barely brushing the edge.
“There’s no going back after this,” says Abby. “No take backs.”
There was no going back the moment I met Haley. Regardless of what’s in this book, I’m changed for good. I open it and close my eyes. It’s me— It’s a f**king picture of me. My body convulses like I’ve been shot multiple times.
I reopen my eyes at the sound of pouring liquid. Denny fills two shot glasses with straight Maker’s. He inches one to me and toasts me with the other. “To family and whatever the f**k that means.”
He swigs the shot. I stare at mine, half thinking the burn of bourbon will erase the information, but I made my bed... I chuckle... No, Mom made her bed and now I’m lying in it.
“Dad said they didn’t meet in college.” But even when he said that, I assumed Dad was the one who messed up, not Mom.
“Tell you that, did he?” Denny laughs like one of us told a joke. “That man’s a real piece of work.”
“Mom said she made mistakes.” Especially when she grieves over Colleen. Mom would sit in a ball on the floor of Colleen’s room and wonder if her death was the punishment for Mom’s past unknown crimes. I imagined the worst thing she did was speed on the freeway.