As soon as the words leave her mouth, I’m punched in the face with the realization that Jackie is the same woman who Lawrence loved all those years ago. It all makes sense now. Ollie. Bradley. Jackie’s confession in the kitchen about her past. Lawrence’s description of her parents. All the pieces of the puzzle finally come together and it shakes me to the core.
“Jackie … please, if you’ll let me explain—”
“What? What could you possibly explain? I’m sorry but nothing that you do or say will justify in my eyes what you did to my brother. He loved you, Blaire. So much. And then you left him, and he hasn’t been the same. I don’t even recognize him. But that wasn’t enough for you, was it?” She looks me up and down. “It never is for women like you. You had to hurt Lau—Lawrence, too.”
Wincing, I raise a staying hand as I try to speak, but the words get stuck in my throat. “I’m sorry. I can’t—”
“You know what, Blaire? In hindsight, I’m glad you’re out of their lives. They’ll be better off without you. Good-bye.”
With her words ringing in my ears, I see Lawrence walk out of the building and meet Jackie by the revolving doors. He places his hand on the small of her back and they begin to walk in our direction. Our eyes meet briefly before he looks away from me and gets in an expensive car that I don’t recognize, driven by a man who isn’t Tony. It’s as though he’s purposefully erased all traces of me from his life.
I watch the car pull away as Elly’s fingers intertwine with mine. “Make him look back at me, Elly. Make him …” my voice wavers. I let go of her hand and seek solace in her arms. “Make him come back.”
“What will you do once you get there?” Elly asks, watching me from her place on the couch. “And would you stop that? You remind me of a caged hyena I once saw at the San Diego Zoo.”
Sighing, I stop pacing the floor of her small living room and stand still. “I guess I’m going to go home and take it from there.” I rub my arms as I gaze down and notice a faint pattern on her carpet from my shoes. “My mom might not even live there anymore.”
“If she doesn’t, what are you going to do?”
“I’m not sure. Ask around, I guess. And if that fails, come back home and get on with life. I need to find a job desperately. By the way, it’s really nice of Alessandro to let me borrow his car.”
Elly’s attention seems to be caught by a stack of magazines lying on her coffee table. I stare at her as she swiftly leans forward, picking them all up in her arms, and heads toward her bedroom. When she comes out, she seems relieved and calm. The magazines are also missing.
“Sorry, what were you saying?”
I frown puzzled by her odd behavior. “What was in those magazines?”
Elly instantly looks away but not before I see the guilt in her eyes. Without giving her a chance to stop me, I walk to her bedroom in search of whatever she’s hiding.
“Blaire, no. Wait!”
After a quick search, I end up finding the magazines hidden under her bed. I sit on the floor cross-legged and start going over the covers as my pulse accelerates, a bad feeling settling in the middle of my chest.
“It’s not worth it,” Elly murmurs sadly.
“What’s not …”
My voice trails off like an unfinished thought as I discover what Elly didn’t want me to see. Quickly as though my life depends on the speed of my fingers, I flip through the pages until I find Ronan’s interview. My eyes consume the words written about him and when I’m done reading the article, I punish myself even further by looking at his pictures, memorizing each one of them. Like the one where he’s with the blonde woman from the party. With an arm around her waist, Ronan is photographed whispering something in her ear that makes her laugh. Her name is Rachel. She’s a socialite. The next photograph is of Ronan’s profile as he stares out of a massive window. He looks more like the man that I knew and fell in love with on a dream-like summer, but it’s just an illusion. My heart’s desire playing me for a fool. He’s gone.