“You paused, Marna.” I let this sink in.
She sounds frantic. “Please, listen. It’s not what you think.”
“It’s exactly what I think.”
“No, I mean it. There was just one moment, one tiny kiss, but they’re not—”
“Stop,” I whisper fiercely, squeezing my mobile. “I don’t want to hear it.”
I can’t believe this is happening. In this moment I acknowledge to myself that I always held out a small hope that Anna would never allow it to happen, no matter how much Kope pursued. But she gave in, and for all I know maybe they’ve been together all along and the news just now got to Marna. They might’ve even been together when I saw her in February, a thought that wrings my lungs of air.
Within a matter of seconds, I rebuild the walls around myself that Anna Whitt tore down. The I-don’t-give-a-damn-about-anything walls. My jaw clenches and I sit up straighter.
I don’t care.
I don’t feel.
Nothing can touch me.
“Kai?” Marna whispers on the other end of the phone. I scarcely hear her.
Anna from work stands in front of me, staring down at her phone. Her aura is gray with disappointment and she lets out an “Ugh.”
“What’s wrong?” I ask her. Marna tries to pipe up, and I say, “Not you, Marn. Hang on.” I put the phone to my shoulder and look at the frowning Anna.
“My roommate is coming home and doesn’t feel good—she doesn’t want any people over.” She pushes straight strands behind her ear.
A sickening sort of determination to prove just how much I don’t care comes over me. “Brilliant,” I say. Anna’s eyebrows come together in confusion until I say, “Party at my place, then.”
She slowly grins. “Really?” Her excitement makes my gut twist with nervous guilt, but I ignore it. I’ve put this girl off for too long. And for what reason? If my Anna is moving on . . . I shake my head. Not “my” Anna. She’s never been mine.
Raj bounds over and slaps me on the shoulder. I put the phone back at my ear as word spreads that I’m having people over. My parties used to be epic, so the guys are stoked.
“Gotta go, Marn. Fun to be had.”
“Don’t do it, Kai. It’s not—”
“Bye, then.”
I hang up and my stomach turns. For the first time, I don’t try to move away or escape when Anna talks to me, playfully pushing my arm or slapping my knee. She can sense the difference. I see it in the way she’s searching my face, wondering if I’ve finally seen the light.
Yes. Yes, I have. And it’s blinding.
She’s filled with happiness and excitement, bright and shining.
I give her my attention, but my chest is filled with a hive of stinging hornets.
We waste no time moving the festivities to my place, and soon it’s overflowing with people. The party fills the whole apartment complex as neighbors open their doors and filter over. Music blasts from my speakers loud enough to shake the floors, just how I like it. Everywhere I look people are drunk, high, dancing, snogging, falling on one another, laughing. Anna sits between Raj and Bennett on the couch, playing a drinking game with cards.
I lean against the wall, watching as people drift past. My rage has not subsided. It’s still in my eyes when Anna glances up and catches my gaze. She appears taken aback by the intensity there, her aura zapping with excitement and trepidation. Her guardian angel sees this and starts whispering to her. I want to tell the poor fellow not to waste his spiritual breath.
I raise two fingers and beckon her to me. Without a word to the other guys, Anna gets up and makes her way through the crowd, nervous but determined. They watch her. She stands before me now, breathing faster.
“What’s up? Are you okay?”
“No, actually.”
“Um.” She rolls her bottom lip between her teeth. “So . . . what’s wrong?”
I’ve told Anna on numerous occasions I don’t date people I work with, that I’m not dating material anyhow, and that I’ve got loads of crap going on in my life. It has been enough to keep her at bay so far, and yet here she is.
“A lot is wrong with me, Anna. But I think you’ve figured that out by now, yeah?” My hand snakes around to the back of her neck, and I feel the light vibration of her breathy moan as I pull her closer. Her aura pops with shock and elation. My body is steady, but inside I’m shaking, driven by everything I refuse to feel.
“Can I . . . help you?” she asks.
“I think you can.”
For the first time in what feels like forever, I give my body permission to take over. My mouth covers hers. At the feel of her lips, months’ worth of desire explodes through me. I back her roughly against the wall, and she grabs the back of my shirt in her fists. From across the room the entire band hollers their approval, but I can hardly hear.
I know I have to control myself, because I can and will hurt her if I don’t. I break the kiss and take her by the hand, pulling her to my room. It’s packed with people. I don’t have the patience to wait for them to leave, so I pull her into the bathroom. She grabs my face the second the door is closed and we’re kissing again. She doesn’t protest when I pull off her shirt or strip down her jeans. And she definitely doesn’t protest when I raise my own shirt over my head and drop it to the floor.
“Holy shit, Kai,” she breathes, running her hands over my chest and stomach. “You should just walk with your shirt off all the time.” Her eyes dart up to mine as if she’s horrified she’s just said that out loud. I kiss her again, but she keeps breaking the kiss to look at me, and kiss me again. For some reason I cannot take it—cannot stand being looked at right now. I turn her and press her against the bathroom door. It has the desired effect. Her palms are against the door, face turned to the side, hips pushing back against the front of me in a way that makes me grab her hips and groan.