And then I remember how I felt last year when I’d slept with all those women after coming back from our road trip. I’d been riddled with guilt and self-disgust. I never want to feel that way again. This is the first time I’ve ever challenged myself, and I need to win this.
If Kope can bloody well fight his temptations, so can I.
After six months, I have to admit, I’m so damned proud of myself that I want to shout it to the world: I haven’t shagged in six months!
On second thought, I don’t think anyone would be that impressed. Except Anna. And she’s the only one I truly want to tell. I almost ring her so many times, especially when our first single hit local airwaves and we were invited back to Atlanta for a signing.
I love you. I only want you.
And then an image of Belial’s face fills my mind and I’m reminded of all the reasons why I can’t have her. A pang of dreadful fear pierces me at the thought that Anna might be over me. I can’t hold it against her if she stops loving me, but I will never stop loving her.
My plan to stay away is ruined when Anna shows at the Atlanta record store. I should have known Jay would hear about it and tell her. The moment I sense her, I attempt to rapidly build a fortress of stone around my heart, shoving my emotions deep within the keep. But her brown eyes penetrate my barriers, as always, and I can’t help but notice she’s . . . changed. Intricate piercings line her ears. A short skirt shows off her sexy legs. Her look no longer screams innocence. Except those passionate eyes.
I’m filled with familiar rage, at everything. My anger and sarcasm rain down on Anna. The more she shows love and desperation, the harder I push her away.
I don’t care, I tell myself. She shouldn’t have come. She knows as well as I do. This is a mistake.
When we leave, she sees me being picked up by Marissa’s driver. We’re only having dinner tonight, no new nieces to train, thankfully, but Anna doesn’t know that. I see the heartbreak in her eyes as she’s reminded once again of all the reasons she shouldn’t love me.
We are cursed. And my fortress is useless against her. I return to L.A. emptier and more broken than ever.
It’s Friday when Anna Malone approaches me at the studio, holding her hands together in front of herself, her aura both excited and nervous.
“Hey, Kai. Um, I’m having people over at my apartment tomorrow night. Just a small party. . . .” She bites her lip and her eyes go round. She really is quite attractive.
I flip through different excuses I can use, but I know the other band members will expect me to be there.
“Sorry, but I’m visiting an old mate of mine in Santa Barbara this weekend.”
“Oh!” She smiles, but disappointment fogs her aura. “No problem. Hope you have fun.”
“Yeah, you as well.”
Now I just have to ring Blake and let him know. He’s been trying to get me to visit for months, but I haven’t wanted him to know I’m not working. Well, no better time than now.
“Dude. Brah. Compadre. Cut the shit.” Blake and I are sitting on bar stools under a tiki hut on a crowded beach where I have gently rejected the advances of three girls in the past hour. Blake is ogling me in disbelief. I continuously search the skies for whisperers.
“Don’t make a big deal of this,” I say.
His eyes drop to my glass of water then rise to my face. “I will make a big deal of it, because it is a big deal. You don’t need to do this, man. You got nothin’ to prove.”
“I’ve got plenty to prove. To myself.”
He closes his eyes, shakes his head. I didn’t expect him to understand.
A blond bombshell saunters up to us with mile-long legs and mini black shorts. She has a posse of manicured beauties following behind her. Blake sees me looking over his shoulder and turns.
“Ah, hey, baby!” he says. The blonde smiles and stands between his legs, wrapping her flyaway arms around his neck and kissing him.
She’s magazine material. A few men glance at Blake with envy.
“How’s my man?” the girl asks, leaning her forehead against Blake’s.
“Helluva lot better now that you’re here.”
She turns to me and blinks with big eyelashes.
“Oh, hey,” Blake says. “This is my boy from way back, Kaidan. This is my girlfriend, Michelle, and her J-Pack of friends, Jessica, Jamie, and Jen.”
Girlfriend? Apparently I’m not the only one with secrets.
We shake hands, and I say, “Nice to meet you, Michelle.”
Her eyes widen at my accent, and her friends move forward, all their eyes on me, auras zinging with red. I shake each of the J-Packs’ hands and sit back.
“Hey now,” Blake says when Michelle has stared at me a beat too long. “Don’t be looking at him. He’s gay.”
I fight back a grin.
“Oh,” Michelle says, eyeing me differently now.
“Just kidding,” says Blake. “He’s bi. Sometimes we get it on.”
Her face scrunches when she realizes he’s teasing her, and she slaps his shoulder. Her friends laugh and smile at me.
“Wait,” says the friend Jamie, with a hand on her hip. “So, are you gay or not?”
“He’s whatever you want him to be,” Blake tells her. “Straight, gay, bi, tri. My boy here does it all. He also likes to watch. So you girls go ahead and put on a show.”
I keep a straight face as the girls laugh at Blake’s antics and swat at him with their clutch purses.