“I want a happy ending.”
“Sometimes we have to make our own,” Nicole told her. “Starting with ice cream. What flavor do you want?”
The doorbell rang. Claire’s whole body clenched as she hoped it was Wyatt. Maybe a beam had fallen on him at one of his jobs and the head injury had made him come to his senses. If only.
“I’ll get it,” she said as she left the kitchen and walked into the great room.
She didn’t find Wyatt on the doorstep. Instead Lisa, her manager, stood there.
While Lisa was as well-groomed as ever, she looked tired. And old.
“Claire,” she said with a tentative smile. “I was hoping to find you at home. Can we talk?”
A couple of weeks ago, Claire would have told her no. They had nothing to say to each other. Now, she wasn’t so sure. The sense of longing swept over her again, the need to play, to perform. Along with that yearning was a determination to make things different, to not be the frightened, obedient client she’d been before. She wasn’t who she had been when she’d arrived in Seattle. But who was she now?
“Sure, we can talk.”
Lisa followed her into the house, then closed the door. “You’re looking well.”
“I feel good.”
“Are you—” Lisa pressed her lips together. “Never mind.”
“Am I practicing?” Claire asked, then laughed. “Yes. I’ve played a little, but I’m not on a schedule. I’m not taking classes, either.”
She missed all that, too, she realized. The regular sessions with her music, when it was just her and her coach and the perfection she could create.
“You probably want to yell at me now,” she said, prepared to hear it all and deal with it like an equal, not a subordinate.
Lisa only nodded slowly. “I didn’t think you were playing much. You’re on vacation.” She swallowed. “Is it just a vacation? Are you coming back? Before you answer, I need to say something.”
Claire waited, trying not to feel nervous. She was an adult, she reminded herself. She needed to act like one.
“I was wrong,” Lisa told her, clutching her handbag in front of her. “You were so young when we started working together. I treated you like a child, because you were. But you grew up and I didn’t notice because it was easier for me if I made all the decisions. You kept trying to tell me you weren’t happy and I didn’t listen. I never wanted you to be unhappy. I never wanted you to feel trapped. I’m sorry.”
Claire considered her words. “You were doing whatever you thought was right to get a performance out of me. That mattered more than anything.”
“Only because you’re so gifted. Claire, no one can do what you do. I worried you couldn’t see that. I was afraid you didn’t respect your gift.”
“It’s my gift to respect or not.”
“I know. I see that now. I just hate to think of you wasting away, not playing.”
“Not earning the money.”
“That, too. You are my only client, Claire. If you’re not working anymore, I have a right to know. This is my livelihood, as well.”
Something Claire had never considered.
She led the way to the sofa. Nicole was nowhere to be seen, and probably hiding out in the kitchen with a pint of ice cream. This live performance had to be more interesting than anything she’d seen lately on television, Claire thought, trying to find the humor in the situation. Getting upset wouldn’t help anyone. Better to stay calm and rational.
“I have responsibility for what went wrong, as well,” she said, looking at Lisa. “I should have been more clear about how unhappy I was. Instead I used the panic attacks to get what I wanted. Eventually they began to control me. I wanted to be treated like an adult, but I didn’t act like one. I was a kid faking a stomachache to avoid a test at school. That was wrong of me.”
Wow—admitting fault was not her favorite thing, but it had to be done. “I shouldn’t have just disappeared and left you hanging,” she continued. “That wasn’t fair to either of us. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry, too,” Lisa told her. “For everything.”
They stared at each other for a couple of seconds, then looked away. They’d never had the sort of relationship that made hugging comfortable and Claire didn’t know how to move on.
“Do you know what you’re going to do?” Lisa asked.
She realized then she’d been avoiding the truth for a long time. “I’m going to come back to New York and return to my music.”
Lisa leaned back against the sofa. “Thank God.”
Claire smiled. “Don’t get too excited. There are going to be a lot of changes.”
“Whatever you say. Seriously, you’re in charge.”
“Unlikely,” Claire told her, knowing Lisa was good at her job, but also stubborn. “We’ll have to find a way to compromise. I don’t want to be running all over the world for weeks at a time.” She was also going to have to eventually avoid air travel. The pregnancy wouldn’t allow it. Although she didn’t know when that restriction would start.
“You can write your own schedule. There’s also studio work.”
Claire nodded. “I’ll want to spend a lot of time in Seattle. I might buy a place here.”
“You can play here or in San Francisco and Los Angeles. Even Phoenix. Also Japan, but only when you want to go overseas.” Lisa leaned toward her. “We can make this work, Claire. I want us to be partners.”
They would never be close friends, but she would like them to be partners, too. “I have the greatest respect for you,” Claire told her. “The change is going to be hard on both of us. We have years of patterns we have to break.”
“I can change.”
Claire knew she could, as well. She already had.
CHAPTER TWENTY
AFTER LISA LEFT, Nicole came out of the kitchen. “You’re leaving.” It wasn’t a question.
Claire didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry,” she began.Nicole shook her head, then handed over a pint of ice cream. “Don’t apologize. You have to go. It’s where you belong.”
“I don’t agree with that, but it’s where I have to face my demons.”
“You have mutant hands,” Nicole teased. “You’ll beat those demons for sure. But just because you’re leaving doesn’t mean you have to stay gone.”
“I know.” Claire fought tears. “I meant what I said. I want to get a place here. You’ll get sick of me.”
“Maybe, but I can handle it.” Nicole handed her a spoon. “How does it feel to be in charge of Lisa?”
“I don’t know. Scary, but in a good way. It only took me twenty-eight years to figure out how to be a grown-up.”
They moved to the sofa and dug into their ice cream. Claire wondered how it was possible to be both excited and sad about her future. She felt the need to start practicing right away, to know what music she would be playing. She was also thrilled about the baby. But there was also the pain of leaving Seattle and her sisters, not to mention Wyatt and Amy. Speaking of her sisters…
She licked her spoon. “You have to forgive Jesse. Not right away, but eventually. She’s family.”
Nicole took another bite of her Cherry Garcia. “Did I ever mention that she and Wyatt had a brief but highly passionate weekend together? Amy was off at camp. They headed to a B and B on the San Juan Islands. I heard they nearly set the place on fire.”
The ice cream formed a hard knot in Claire’s stomach, which felt worse than wanting to throw up. Her skin got really hot, while a sense of anger and betrayal crawled through her body. She wanted to scream. She wanted to rip Jesse’s hair out.
“When?” she asked, her throat thick with pain.
Nicole took another bite. “Gotcha.”
Claire blinked. “What?”
Nicole looked at her. “It didn’t happen. I wanted you to experience about a tenth of what it felt like to find Jesse, the person I loved and trusted most in the world, in bed with my husband and then ask you if you still thought I had to forgive her.”
Relief rushed through Claire. She thought about being angry with Nicole, but she totally got her point. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I won’t mention forgiving Jesse again. You have to deal with that in your own way.”
“Thank you.” Nicole sighed. “You’re right, though. I can’t stay angry forever. It’s going to end up hurting me more than her. But I’m comfortable being really pissed for the next few weeks.”
“The hits keep on coming,” Claire said, knowing Drew hadn’t been the only hurt. Jesse’s stealing the family recipe had made things worse.
“I’m swearing off men,” Nicole told her. “Pretty much forever. I don’t care who the guy is or how he tempts me, I’m not giving in.”
“Never say never.”
“Watch me.”
Claire smiled. “I will, because it will be great fun to say ‘I told you so’ to you.”
They ate more ice cream, then Nicole said, “I’m sorry about Wyatt. That he’s being such a jerk.”
“I appreciate that.” Claire wasn’t sure what to think about all that had happened. “I wish things had gone differently. I wish he could love me back.” She managed to get the words out without her voice cracking. Improvement, she thought. But she still had a long way to go.
“Love sucks,” Nicole said.
“No. But it’s not always easy. I can’t regret loving Wyatt and Amy. I tell myself the big hole inside of me will eventually heal. I’m better for having known and loved him.”
“You’re being really mature. It’s kind of annoying.”
Claire smiled. “Thanks. I’ve grown a lot in the past couple of months.”
“You’ve done good. You’re not a useless ice princess anymore.”
“I was never that.”
Nicole grinned. “See. You’re standing up for yourself and everything. You’re a regular person, with gifts and flaws.”
“And a baby,” Claire said, knowing that was the greatest gift of all.
CLAIRE WAITED until she was sure Amy would be in bed before going over to Wyatt’s. She parked in the driveway, then walked up to the wide, double door and knocked. She had her car keys in her pocket and a legal-size envelope in her hands. Unfinished business, she thought sadly. Too bad there weren’t documents that could fix her broken heart.
He opened the door. “Claire.”She stared at him, trying to memorize everything about his face. The deep color of his eyes, the shape of his mouth. Would their baby have his features or hers? Would people look at the child and know Wyatt was the father by the way he or she smiled?
“This won’t take long,” she said. “I didn’t call first. I was afraid you wouldn’t see me.”
“I’m not hiding from you.” He stepped back to let her in.
“You’re not exactly trying to find me, either.”
He led the way into the family room. Neither of them sat.
“You here to finish what Nicole started?” he asked, sounding more curious than worried.
Claire welcomed the memory of her sister standing up for her. “No. I’m here to give you this.” She handed him the envelope. “I had my lawyer prepare the documents. They’re straightforward enough, but I suggest you get your own legal counsel to look them over. The basic idea is once you sign, you will have no legal or financial responsibility for the baby. I’ll never ask for anything. Not that I would, but this should give you peace of mind. It will be like it never happened.”
Wyatt dropped the envelope onto the coffee table. Is that what he wanted? This to have never happened?
“Look,” he began, not sure what he wanted to say. “I know you’re not Shanna, but this is a lot to deal with.”
“You don’t have to deal at all. That’s the point.”
“Is that what you want?”
She folded her arms across her chest. “Why does that matter?”
“Because we’re both involved. Because I want to know where you see this going.”
What did she expect from him. Marriage? In his head, he balked at the idea. He should be running in the opposite direction. But maybe it wouldn’t be so horrible. Claire wasn’t the woman he’d thought. She cared about people. Amy was crazy about her.
“I want it all,” Claire told him. “I want the happily ever after fantasy. I want you to love me with every cell in your body. I want us to be a family. You, me, Amy, the baby, more kids. I want forever.”
He swallowed and tried not to feel the walls closing in.
“I love you,” she said, staring him in the eye. “All of you. Even when you’re a total jerk. But you don’t love me back. You’ve made that clear, and I won’t settle for less. So I’m leaving. It’s time for me to go back to New York, anyway.”
His mind was completely blank. He didn’t have a single thought. Then they crashed in on him, making it impossible to focus on anything.
She loved him? Seriously? She said it just like that? And she was leaving? “You can’t,” he told her, not sure if he was telling her she couldn’t go or she couldn’t love him.
“I’m going to keep in touch with Amy,” she said as if he hadn’t spoken. “I hope you won’t have a problem with that. She’s wonderful and there’s no reason why she and I can’t have a relationship.” She paused and swallowed. “I hope you find whatever you’re looking for. I hope…”