She sounded so innocent, he thought, hating how he was aware of the fact that she was in pajamas and not wearing a bra. It seemed that certain parts of his psyche didn’t care about anything but getting na**d.
“Amy wants a cochlear implant because she wants to hear your music. She never wanted one before. It’s pretty sick to use a kid to make yourself feel better.”
Claire felt the earth shift beneath her feet and wondered if it was an earthquake.
Apparently not, she thought, because Wyatt didn’t seem fazed. Although he was very comfortable thinking the worst of her.
“I doubt you’ll believe me,” she said, determined not to get angry, “but I never discussed cochlear implants with Amy at all. She never mentioned getting one, and I certainly didn’t. I didn’t know much about them until you and I discussed them on our date. What you decide should and shouldn’t be done medically to your daughter is your business. Having her hear my music in the traditional sense isn’t important to me.”
She planted her hands on her h*ps and raised her chin. “What I really don’t get is why I have to be the bad guy in this. I’m not Shanna nor am I any twisted view of a woman, as you see the gender. I am someone who has only cared about you and your daughter. I have taken care of her and genuinely like her. I will not have you make that into something ugly, because it isn’t. Amy’s a great kid.”
He started to speak, but she held up her hand. “I’m so not finished with you. I’m willing to admit that I didn’t tell you I was a virgin. Assuming that it’s still my body, I’m not even sure I owed you that information. But for the sake of your current rant, let’s assume I did. I have already apologized for that. And for the record, you were the one who started the whole ‘I want to have sex with you,’ thing. I simply took you up on your offer. So you should stop being pissed off at me because the real person you’re mad at is yourself. Amy is growing up and you’re starting to realize you won’t be able to control everything about her life. Big whoop. That’s part of being a parent. But you don’t want to accept that. You want someone to blame. Like me. Just like you blame me for not bothering to take one hundred percent of the responsibility about using birth control when we did it.”
She leaned in and pointed her finger at his chest. “Stop putting the blame on me. Accept your share of the responsibility and stop thinking the worst about me. I’m a good person, dammit, and you know that. I’ve been nothing but sweet to your daughter and you know that, too. Now get out of here.”
For a second she thought he wasn’t going to move. She waited for the verbal explosion to follow, but Wyatt simply muttered something under his breath and walked out of the house.
Claire stared after him until the door slammed, then she sank onto the small chair in the foyer. She felt as if she’d had a run-in with the energy vampire and he’d just about sucked the life out of her.
Her heart pounded in a way that should have made her worry about panicking, but she didn’t. She’d handled Wyatt, she could handle a stupid panic attack, too. She was done being afraid or judged based on half-truths and stories. She was going to stand up and be counted on her own merit. Just as soon as she had the strength.
Nicole clumped in from the kitchen. “Impressive,” she said. “You really took him on.”
“He annoyed me.”
“I got that. So did he. Men can be such idiots. I hate to put Wyatt in that category, but I sort of have to. Are you okay?”
Claire drew in a breath, then stood. “I’m fine. He’s not going to get me down. I’m stronger than he knows.”
“Apparently. You’re practically self-actualized. Soon you’ll be living on a higher plane.”
Claire grimaced. “I can’t wait.”
RATHER THAN GO INTO WORK and snap at people who hadn’t done anything wrong, Wyatt went home to cool down.
He stood in his study and wondered what was wrong with him. He was the guy who thought first and then reacted. He made it a rule never to say anything stupid enough to require an apology. He kept his life simple, his relationships straightforward. When it came to women, no one got close, no one got involved with his daughter and no one got to him.Except Claire.
She pushed buttons he didn’t know he had. She made him crazy without even trying, which meant he didn’t want to be around when she decided to deliberately push him over the edge.
He crossed to the cabinet against the far wall, opened it, stared at the liquor there, then reminded himself it was barely after nine in the morning. A little early to start, even on a bad day.
He slammed the door shut and walked to his desk. Instead of sitting in the chair, he stared down at the surface, as if the answers were there. The hell of it was, he didn’t even know the question.
Did he really think Claire had been the one to bring up the cochlear implant with Amy? She was right—what did she care how Amy heard her music. The child already loved her playing. Claire had faults, but being a raging egomaniac wasn’t one of them. He’d trusted her with Amy but he wasn’t willing to trust her to be a decent person?
He’d been mad at her since they’d had sex, he reminded himself. Since finding out she was a virgin. So what about that got to him?
He ran through a dozen or so reasons. That not telling the truth was like lying, that he didn’t want the responsibility, that it was all too strange. But he knew he was bullshitting himself. The real reason was that Claire was unpredictable. She had been from the first second he’d seen her and nothing about that changed.
He didn’t like unpredictability, especially in women. If he didn’t know what was going to happen, then he couldn’t stay in control.
Was that what this was all about? Being in control?
Asking the question made him uncomfortable, which meant he was probably close to the truth.
His past had a lot to do with his need to be in control. He couldn’t risk caring and making another Shanna-like mistake. No male in his family had ever had a successful relationship. Why should he be any different?
None of which was Claire’s fault. He seemed to be on a roll, screwing up at every turn. He was going to have to do something to make that better.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
WHEN AMY FLEW into the house that afternoon, Claire knew there was a good chance that Wyatt wasn’t far behind. While she was annoyed with him, there was a still a part of her that wanted to see him. Which was just plain stupid. True, but stupid.
Amy hugged her and signed, “How was your day?”“Good. How was school?”
“I got an A on my spelling test.”
“Yay, you!”
Amy went tearing into the living room to greet Nicole. Wyatt walked into the kitchen.
He was big and tall and handsome enough to make her breath catch. All part of his appeal, she reminded herself. She knew nothing about having a type, but she would guess he was hers.
She leaned against the counter, determined to make him speak first.
“Got a minute?” he asked.
Did she want to have another conversation with him? The last couple had been awful. And yet she found herself nodding.
They went downstairs, into the studio. Claire settled on the bench in front of the piano while Wyatt pulled up one of the stools in the corner.
She waited.
“It’s possible I’ve been an ass,” he began.
Despite her lingering hurt and annoyance, and maybe because of her powerful attraction to him, she smiled. “When are you going to decide?”
“Really soon.”
“Let me know when you do.”
He looked at her. “You’re not like anyone I’ve ever known. I like my women easy. You’re not easy.”
She wasn’t even sure she knew what easy meant in that context, but knowing she wasn’t made her happy.
“You push all my buttons,” he continued. “The hell of it is, I don’t know how to fix that. I like things predictable and you’re not that, either.”
Safe, she thought. He wanted relationships safe and meaningless. Did that mean he cared about her? He sure put a lot of energy into being mad at her.
“I would never get between you and Amy,” she told him.
“I know. I’m sorry. It’s what you said before. I don’t want to lose control. I don’t want her to grow up and away and that’s what’s going to happen.”
She didn’t totally understand his pain—after all she didn’t have a child of her own. But she could imagine it would be uncomfortable.
“Amy loves you,” she said, rising to her feet and crossing to him. “You’re everything to her.”
“For now. In a few years, some kid is going to show up and try to steal her heart.”
“That won’t change how much she loves you.”
“Maybe not.” He looked her in the eye. “I don’t want you getting close. It’s one of the rules. I tried to be clear about that, but after we were together, I figured out you didn’t play by any rules.”
Meaning she was too innocent to have rules or she just didn’t bother? She wasn’t sure and…She frowned. “Wait a minute. It’s not up to me if I get close to you or not. You control that.”
“I know.”
There was something in the way he said those two little words. Something dark and sexy that made her toes tingle and her blood heat.
“I’m getting to you.” She wasn’t asking a question. For the first time in her life, she felt sexually powerful.
“More than you know.”
Electricity snapped between them.
She didn’t know what to do. Rush toward him and risk it all? Run in the opposite direction?
One corner of his mouth turned up. “Don’t sweat it, Claire. It doesn’t have to mean anything.”
But it meant something to her. Then the floor overhead creaked and she remembered they weren’t alone and could be interrupted at any moment.
“A safer topic might be better,” she told him.
“How about that piano you’re sitting next to? Did you practice on it when you were little?”
“Until I went away.” She opened the cover and pressed her fingers lightly against the keys. “It’s been unused for so long, it’s hard to keep tuned. The strings keep wanting to go back into their old position. But we’ll get it right.”
“Hard to make magic with an instrument that isn’t in tune.”
She stiffened in surprise. “I don’t make magic.”
“What would you call it?”
“I don’t know. Everything used to be so clear to me. My life was mapped out for me, one concert season at a time. I was always busy. Practicing, traveling, recording. Now I’m not doing anything.”
“Which is better?”
“Neither,” she said without thinking, then realized it wasn’t true. “I miss playing.”
He seemed to squirm in his chair.
“What?” she asked.
“Knee-jerk guy reaction. See problem, fix problem. I want to say, ‘so play,’ but I know it’s not that easy for you.”
“The panic attacks,” she murmured. “I haven’t had one since that first morning I worked at the bakery. I came close when I played at Amy’s school. I know I’m better, at least in my regular life, but could I perform again? I don’t know.”
“You need to, Claire. It’s what you were born to do. It’s your passion.”
Maybe, but she wouldn’t mind something else being her passion, too. A man, children, a family.
“I miss playing, but I want more in my life this time.”
“So make that happen. Aren’t you in charge?”
“Not according to my manager.”
“Get a new one.”
As easy as that, she thought, knowing if it were him, he probably would. “I’ve been with Lisa since I was twelve years old. That’s more than half my life.”
“It’s business,” he told her. “You had to sneak away to get time off to help out Nicole. You’ve given away all your power. Do you want to keep doing that?”
The easy response would be to get mad at him, but he was only telling the truth. She let Lisa run her life because it was easier than doing it herself.
“I’ve never stood up for what I wanted,” she said slowly. “I can’t tell you why. Maybe fear or inertia.” She gave a harsh laugh. “I’ve always prided myself on not being a diva. I never made demands. I didn’t need certain foods or special flowers in my dressing room. But I let Lisa handle the most important decisions—the ones about my time and my talent. I’m twenty-eight years old. Shouldn’t I be more grown-up than that?” She sighed. “Be careful how you answer. I’m feeling vulnerable.”
“You are grown-up. You’ve been lazy until now. That’s all. Decide to do things differently.”
If only, she thought. “You make it sound easy.”
“Why does it have to be hard? Decide and then follow through. Or go back to things the way they were.”
“No. I won’t do that.”
“Then you’re halfway there.”
She smiled. “You’re coming across as very sensitive and understanding. You probably don’t want that being spread around.”
“No way.”
“So I can hold something over you.”
“You like having power, don’t you?” His voice was teasing as he spoke.
“Who doesn’t? Power is good.”
“In the right hands,” he told her.