He groaned a masculine sound against my mouth and said, “God, Anna.” But there was so much more than lust in those words. The despairing grip of his hands on me said it all.
I could only whimper in response, causing his arms to tighten around me.
“What will I do?” He sounded in pain. “I can’t lose you.”
“Stop thinking that way. I can’t fight them if you’re not on board, Kai.”
He looked at me, his forehead creased. I knew he was feeling selfish, wanting to keep me and keep our bubble of joy as long as we could, knowing it couldn’t last. I knew he wanted to support me, and that he would when it came down to it. But right now he couldn’t own it.
I tugged his face to mine and spoke against his lips. “You haven’t lost me, Kai. I’m right here with you. Hold me.”
He buried his face in my neck and did just as I asked, pulling me close and not letting go.
That night we cuddled in the backseat under a blanket—Kai leaning against the door and my back against his chest. His arms moved around my waist and I linked our fingers. The other cars eventually left. We stared out at the stars for a long time, both lost in thought.
I whispered, “The first time I came to Lookout Point—”
His fingers tightened around mine, almost painfully.
“Not with a guy!” I clarified, wanting to laugh as his grip loosened. “It was the day I got the postcard from you after the summit.” Again I felt his whole body tense, maybe with guilt about how things had played out back then. I kept going. “I knew I had to let you go, and I knew there was something bigger coming.” I turned, angling myself enough to look into his haunted eyes. “I never thought we’d get this time together. We’re so lucky.”
I unclasped one of our hands so I could reach up and stroke his face. He closed his eyes, the troubled tension never leaving his features.
“Kaidan, if anything happens to me—”
His eyes flew open and he yanked me closer. “Don’t. Don’t you dare finish that sentence. Nothing is going to happen to you.”
I swallowed hard. We both knew that might not be the case.
His eyes seemed to burn in the reflected moonlight, impassioned.
“If we both, you know, end up down there . . .” I cleared my throat. “In hell. We can make it through together. We’ll keep each other strong until it’s time for our judgment.”
He said nothing, and from the corner of my eye I saw his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed.
“I’ll never leave your side,” he whispered. “I swear it.”
I sighed, and snuggled down against his chest. In his arms I felt secure and stronger as the threads of our love twined together like a sturdy rope for us to hold tight to.
May we never let go.
A shift of the light woke me hours later and I opened my eyes to the rays of a pink-tinged sunrise. We were scrunched in the seat, half sitting, half lying. My heart softened at the sight of Kaidan’s sweet sleeping face with long waves of hair lying against his skin. He appeared gentle and innocent. At peace.
We must have both been exhausted last night. I couldn’t recall falling asleep, but now a spike of fear pierced me at the thought of being seen together like this. I hated to wake Kai, but when I tried to sit up he sucked in a ragged breath and jolted upward, pulling me to his chest and searching around us.
“It’s okay,” I said.
He let out the breath and leaned back.
“We shouldn’t have slept like that last night,” I said, reaching into my purse for a mint.
“Yeah.” He cracked his neck, which probably had a kink from how he’d slept. “Not our best idea.”
“They could have caught us.” What were we thinking? Whisperers were out hunting for me, and we fell asleep snuggling in public? How stupid!
Kaidan’s face hardened and he stared out of the window, giving a shrug. I narrowed my eyes at him.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I mimicked his shrug.
“You’re intent on being turned in anyhow.”
“Yes, but on our terms. And I’m the only one getting turned in, not you. They have to trust you.”
He continued to stare out at the great expanse past the cliff’s edge. I knew he didn’t like the idea of me being in danger “alone,” and he hated pretending to be against me, but he was more valuable as an ally if Pharzuph trusted him.
I reached for his knee, needing to comfort him and make him see the importance of his role, but he shifted and my hand landed inside his thigh. I pulled away, but it was too late. His red badge expanded then snapped back to its normal size and began to throb. His head lowered and his blazing blue eyes rose to mine.
“Maybe we should take a break from talking,” he said in a low voice.
The breath I’d been inhaling got stuck.
Bad, bad, dangerous boy.
“We can’t.” I tried to sound strong, but then he licked his bottom lip and flicked his hair aside, and a burst of citrusy pheromones filled the car. My eyes fluttered a little, and I cursed my weakness for him. “Kai, don’t. We seriously can’t be caught in any compromising . . . you know . . .”
“Positions?” He sported a devilish half grin.
Yeah. That.
His hot hand reached for my hip, but I pushed the car door open and jumped out. The air was warm outside and already muggy, but when I felt him come up behind me I shivered with desire. I spun to face him, stepping back.