"I was just about to depart," she said. "Would you be so kind as to walk me to my horseless—my auto-mobile?"
"Sure," I said in a very cool and experienced manner so as not to give away the sudden tidal wave of hormones threatening to overwhelm me on the spot. One workout and I already had a hottie after me! Things were looking up.
Okay, so I was probably counting my chickens way before hatching—and possibly before the eggs were even laid—but the rough workout combined with a sudden flush of testosterone made me dangerously full of myself. I grabbed my keys from the locker room, forcing myself to walk in a composed manner even though I had a sneaking suspicion she'd be gone by the time I came back out. When I returned, she was still there. Amazing. She flashed her pearly whites in a full-lipped smile that almost caused an accident in my pants. We stepped outside into the pleasantly chilly autumn night.
"This time of year is simply delightful," Stacey said. She took a deep sniff. I hoped she didn't get a whiff of my BO. She grabbed my arm and drew another deep breath. "You smell delicious."
I smiled and prayed my shirt was covering up my body's reaction to her touch. "Yep, it's a great time of year." We were walking toward the side parking lot of the building. I wondered if maybe I should ask her to go with me somewhere to grab a bite to eat when something like warm wet sandpaper rasped up my arm and to my shoulder. I snapped my focus to the aforementioned shoulder.
Stacey was licking it.
"What are you doing?" I asked and jerked away from her. It wasn't that I minded a girl licking me, but something was just plain wrong with the way she was doing it and the way her tongue felt.
Her eyes stared into mine. Her vertically-slit pupils widened into deep black swirling pools. I felt myself losing a grip on consciousness. My vision snapped again and I staggered backwards, thankfully breaking the hypnotic embrace of her eyes.
"Your kind is so luscious," Stacey said in a low purr. "So sweet. But so hard to convince."
"My kind of what?" I said backing away as tendrils of cold fear spread through my stomach and into my chest. "Sweaty fat boys?"
She bared her teeth like a lion about to pounce.
I ran.
Chapter 9
Usually I wouldn't flee from cute girls, but this time I was willing to make an exception. Something was seriously wrong with this chick. I huffed and puffed and made a frantic beeline for my car near the back of the dark parking lot. I looked behind me. Stacey was nowhere to be seen. I stopped and doubled over as an acute hitch stabbed into my side.
My legs felt like molten rubber. I cursed Victoria and her hardcore workout. I cursed my terrible physical state. As I panted like a dog in a heat wave, I scanned the gym parking lot for any sign of Stacey. Was this a joke? Was one of Katie or Brad's friends punking me? Anger scoured the fear from me. I clenched my teeth. I was willing to bet by the time I got home, there'd be a YouTube video of chubby me fleeing from a girl. Those butt sphincters! I looked around one last time but Stacey—if that was her real name—had vanished. I clutched at the stitch in my side and hobbled for my car.
A warm hand touched my neck. I shrieked like a little girl in a helium factory. Stacey stood behind me. Just great. Now they'd have video of me screaming too.
"You think this is funny?" I yelled. "Who put you up to this? Katie? Brad? Harry? Nathan?"
Stacey's full scarlet lips stretched into a languorous smile. Her pupils resembled vertical black slits in a sea of sparkling amber. Whoever had done her makeup had done a great job. I really needed to get them to help me out for Halloween.
"I am unacquainted with these people of whom you speak. Perhaps we could continue this conversation at a more comfortable location." Her British accent was even more clipped and proper than before, making her all the creepier.
"Ha, ha," I said, using the full brunt of my extreme wit. "Nice act, but you're not fooling me anymore." I turned to walk away.
Something like hot steel clamped onto my arm and spun me around. Stacey opened her mouth in a broad grin. Correction: She bared her teeth. She pressed me against a black SUV. I struggled uselessly in her iron grip. This wasn't right. Her smile widened to reveal long sharp canines. Was she a vampire? She sure as hell wasn't a mermaid.
Also, I was almost a hundred-percent sure someone wasn't punking me now. This chick was for real and I was about to die or become fatally anemic.
"You smell divine," Stacey said. "A pity I couldn't convince you to accompany me to my home. I would so enjoy taking my time with you. Your kind is exceptional, so much better than ordinary kine. So raw and emotional."
I didn't know what in the world "kine" meant. It wouldn't matter shortly. My track record with women was about to get markedly worse. Or maybe being sucked dry by a vampiric hottie was a decent way to go. Except I wouldn't be around to brag about it, which was kind of depressing.
Stacey pressed both my shoulders against the van. I struggled like a mouse under a cat's paw, but might as well have been clamped in place by steel bands. She pressed her pert nose to my neck and inhaled deeply.
"Such a young tender fledgling." She licked me with her sandpaper tongue again. I wondered if this was the same as sniffing a warm apple pie before chomping it.
"Maybe it's my Axe body spray," I said. My voice trembled and my body started to shake. I drew upon every bit of willpower I had left and rammed my knee into her stomach. My knee met a plate of steel. I yelped. The girl must do serious ab workouts.
She laughed. "Such spirit. Such fear." Her nose nuzzled my ear playfully. The faster my heart thudded in my chest, the louder she purred with happiness.
"What are you? A vampire?"
She let out a deep-throated laugh. "My little lamb, you are so precocious." Her hot lips pressed against my neck and traced up to my ear, leaving a hot trail on my skin. She nibbled my earlobe. I expected the sharp sting of those fangs at any moment. She faced me with half-lidded eyes. Her purring grew louder and her eyes widened until she seemed to gaze into my very soul with those luminous amber moons. Something tugged at my fear as though it were a large fish swimming in my sea of emotions. A part of me resisted the pull, jerking and flailing. Another part of me rejoiced in the sheer ecstasy of the moment. But the numbing warmth only increased the terror slamming my heart against its ribcage. I fought harder but my will faltered. Those eyes had the gravity of stars and I was a helpless planet about to be sucked into oblivion.
Something vaporous drifted from my eyes and toward her. It was like staring down a long tunnel of white misty light. I tried to scream but something seemed to block my vocal cords. The light resisted the pull and slowed to a crawl. The tension increased yet again and the terror in my heart climaxed. The light reached her eyes.
Fireworks exploded in our faces. Or at least they looked like fireworks. Red, green, and blue lights flared like the destruction of a tiny star between our noses.
Stacey rocketed backward, slamming into the side of a white BMW and leaving a Stacey-sized dent in the door. She fell to the ground, screaming and covering her blackened face. My own face felt sunburned and fried but I only staggered back slightly. While she writhed on the pavement making pathetic mewling noises, I kicked her. It wasn't exactly the gentlemanly thing to do but I didn't care. It was, however, the wrong thing to do. I might as well have kicked bricks. My foot made a cracking noise.
I yelped and hopped on one leg. I don't know how I kept my balance. Unless I procured a rocket launcher, I wasn't going to do anything else to hurt this girl of steel. So I did the only thing I could do. I limped very, very quickly back to my car, whimpering from the pain in my possibly broken foot and tried to block out the horrible dying cat act from Stacey. I started up the Jetta and peeled out of there like demons were on my tail.
About halfway home I broke into sobs. "This can't be happening. This did not just happen. I'm going insane. I am insane. I'm freaking insane!" My eyes burned and watered. My vision blurred. If drinking my dad's beer had made me drunk, something Stacey had done to me was making me feel drunk and high at the same time.
I swerved around a corner just as a pregnant woman stepped into the road in front of me. Her face flashed in the headlights. I slammed on the brakes but it was too late. Eyes squeezed shut, I waited for the thud of body on metal. The sound never came. I leapt from the car and staggered around it. No body. No sign of anyone at all. But a woman had been there! Her face—my God, her face. She'd looked just like Mom. I dropped back into the car as my eyesight blurred again. Whatever Stacey had done to me was causing hallucinations. That had to be it.
A baby cried in the distance. I tried to pinpoint the sound but it came from all directions. A woman screamed. Something inhuman seared the air with a roar of pure agony. What was going on? I'm going insane, that's what. I shoved the car back into drive.
Somehow, I made it home although I almost plowed into the mailbox. I got out and staggered up to the door. I half expected to see a crazed vampire streaking down the road after me. Thankfully, no. I barely remembered locking the front door behind me and then shoving furniture against it. Shoving more furniture in front of my bedroom door. Then the hardwood floor greeted my face.
I woke up, panting, my heart thudding in my ears. A baby's screams sounded from somewhere outside my room. I climbed down from my bed and grabbed the plastic sword Daddy had given me. My palms sweated. I tightened my grip and stepped into the dark hallway. Wails echoed down the long corridor. In one direction lay darkness. In the other, bright light. I turned for the light. I looked at the picture-lined walls. I couldn't make out the faces of the people. The harder I peered, the blurrier the images became.
The baby screamed. I didn't know if it was terror or hunger, or if it had simply pooped in its diapers, but I ran. My padded pajama feet made little noise as I ran for the light. But the light only seemed to move further away. The faster I tried to run, the harder it was to move.
"I'm coming!" I shouted, my voice sounding tiny. "I'll save you!" I brandished my toy sword, ready to meet any threat.