I had to believe that.
I spent the rest of the night in my room working on the homework I was behind in. And finally when it was time for bed I called Tristan.
“Hey,” he breathed into the phone in a sleepy voice.
“Were you asleep?”
“Just about,” he chuckled and the gravelly sound made my toes curl. “I was waiting for you to call.”
“Sorry to keep you up.”
“No, it’s fine, I don’t know why I’m so tired.”
“Probably that intense practice earlier. Why did your coach make you run the bleachers? What did you guys do to piss him off?”
He groaned a muffled growl and I imagined that he was rubbing a hand over his face. Finally he said, “Rigley got caught smoking with that new kid right before practice and coach punished us all.”
“Rigley was smoking with Jude?” I shouldn’t be surprised, but I definitely was. Rigley made a lot of bad decisions, but this one seemed worse than all. That he was smoking wasn’t exactly beyond comprehension. But I honestly thought Rigley would have some kind of intuition that would warn him about hanging out with Jude.
This cemented in the idea that Jude was here to stay. And that sucked.
Maybe I could get him kicked out before he caused too much havoc on school grounds. I would just wait until he was smoking and turn him in every time. It would probably take one day for him to get expelled.
“That sucks,” I sympathized with Tristan. I debated whether to tell him about Jude and our special relationship or not…. I decided to see if I could get him out of my life first. I’d give him a week and if he wasn’t gone, then I’d fill Tristan in.
“That kid is something else isn’t he?” Tristan was so much more intuitive than I gave him credit for.
“I think he’s bad news.”
“Me too.”
We were silent for a while and then finally Tristan asked, “Any news on Seth?”
The very mention of his name sent shooting pain to my chest and tears to my eyes. “Nope, nothing. Except that we know he’s gone and not coming back.”
“I’m sorry this happened to you, Stella,” Tristan whispered seriously. “I’m sorry he did this to you.”
“Thanks,” I whispered weakly.
“I know this sounds crazy… but is he going to be alright? I mean, I’m worried about you first, obviously. But, I can’t imagine that he’s doing all that great either.”
Wow. That was a level of maturity I never thought I’d see from Tristan.
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “He’s given up his soul for this whole thing. He could be fine. But he could also be…. not fine.”
“No, he’ll be alright, Stella,” he decided suddenly. “Seth will be alright. If anyone could pull out of this with their mind still together, it’s got to be him.”
“Thank you for saying that.” Now my heart was hurting for an entirely different reason. Tristan was different tonight. He was… I didn’t know what. Something was different between us and I knew it had to do with Seth’s disappearance; but it was somehow the opposite of what I expected to happen.
Not that Seth leaving and joining Team Evil was exactly like a free pass for Tristan and me. But Ok… it kind of was. So why did the absence of Seth seem to be pulling Tristan and I further apart in that area? Why did Tristan seem more accepting of my relationship with Seth now that he was gone?
I was so confused.
And I had more important things to worry about than boys.
“Talk to you tomorrow?” I was suddenly unable to keep my eyes open.
“Yep. You have a game tomorrow night?” he asked.
“Yes, although I will not be starting. Coach is still punishing me for my disappearing act.”
Tristan laughed at that. “Well, I’m sure that will last all of ten minutes until she comes to her senses. Besides, she needs someone on the field to calm your crazy best friend down.”
Now it was my turn to laugh. “Piper’s carrying a yellow card from last game. She’ll be smart tomorrow. She has to be.”
“Sure she will,” but he didn’t sound like he believed me at all. “You need to get that girl under control.”
“I do what I can,” I smirked. Piper was definitely a menace on the athletic field. She had such a temper. Even I was a little afraid of her at times.
“See you tomorrow,” Tristan said.
“Yeah, see you tomorrow,” I echoed.
And then he clicked off.
No I love you? No sweet dreams? No…. anything?
Huh.
Chapter Eleven
Four minutes in stoppage time to win this game. We were currently tied at two-two. Piper had both goals and I knew she was looking for a hat trick, but I had the ball.
I dribbled the ball around a defender, cursing the tall, thick grass near the goal. Sweat dripped into my eyes and my hair was plastered across my forehead. I was out of breath, since my Light was on a dimmer switch while I played against humans.
The ball moved easily at my feet, though, and in one more move I would be head to head with the keeper alone. I feinted right and then moved left, giving the ball a short touch with the inside of my foot, setting myself up. Then I pulled my right leg back and connected perfectly with the top of my foot. The ball soared up into the air with real force and found the money shot, the far right corner, just on the inside of the bars. The keeper stretched up to block it, but she wasn’t fast enough and the ball flew back until it found the easy resistance of the white net.
Gooooooooooooooooooal!
Oh yes, my pretend Mexican announcers were going crazy in my head.
I turned around just in time to get caught around the waist by Piper and Bree. They were screaming and I was screaming and it was a moment of pure happiness in the middle of my upside down life.
“That was insane!” Pipe shouted in my ear.
The whistle blew and we separated to go back to our positions. The other team set up and kicked off, but thirty seconds later the final whistle sounded and the game was over. We won!
Cleanup after the game was a flurry of motion. First our coach shouted her congratulations to us, then we packed up our things and the fans surrounded us, screaming their impressions of the game and slapping us on the back. Finally, we were left to wander to our cars alone.
The night game took place at a school thirty minutes away, and those of us with cars had driven ourselves instead of riding the smelly bus. I said goodbye to my parents, and they left in my dad’s truck to go straight home. I was taking my mom’s Malibu, so I could meet up with Piper and Tristan to celebrate our win.
I must have been delayed longer than the others because by the time I was throwing my bag in the trunk of my car, I was almost alone in the lot. Tristan had ridden with Rigley and Lincoln; the plan was to meet at an Arby’s between here and home. Piper and Bree had already driven off to meet them.
I slammed my trunk down and then stifled a scream when I saw Seth leaning against my driver’s side door.
“You scared me!” I exclaimed while my insides went completely berserk at the sight of him.
“Come here,” he demanded.
My heart shot up to my throat and I couldn’t breathe. He was different- already. I could tell immediately. He was darker somehow, his Light already diminishing. His eyes didn’t hold that glowing honey color I adored. His face was more angled, less boyish and charming, more haggard man. But he was still the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
He was just more Fallen than Angel now and my soul split in half with that realization.
I remembered the first time I met him and how I was convinced there was something Fallen about him. His beauty had always been dark, but now he was consumed by it. I knew that his fall into soullessness would be a gradual decent. Little by little he would lose everything moral and righteous in him. But I was shocked by how fast he seemed to fall, how marked of a change there was after a week and a half.
I was nervous to go near him, but at the same time I couldn’t wait. I had been missing him forever it seemed. I hadn’t even gotten to say goodbye and now he was standing in front of me.
Something I didn’t think would happen again. At least not this soon.
“Stella, I don’t have a lot of time, come here,” he commanded more firmly.
I felt my feet moving before my brain told them to. He was risking something to be with me tonight. My chest clenched at the realization that he was endangering himself for me. Even now. And I knew he wouldn’t hurt me.
When I was just inches away from him he reached out for me. I was still too afraid to move. Not because I was afraid of him, but because I was terrified this was a dream, or a hallucination and the moment I touched him he would disappear.
The night was pitch black around us, without even one star peeking through the heavy cloud cover. The stadium lights were shut off and every other car disappeared from the lot. It was just Seth and me.
His hand reached up and traced a delicate line along my cheek and jaw line. His hand shook as he touched my skin, as if he were restraining himself, or trying to grapple control. But I trusted him. I didn’t know how far gone he was, but it wouldn’t matter if he was solidly Fallen by now, I would always trust him.
“I’ve missed you,” I whispered as tears pricked my eyes. His eyes were too intense to be affectionate, too depthless to be loving. They were something else entirely- with intensely, concentrated power that was burning a hole all the way through me.
“You shouldn’t miss me.” His voice was growly and harsh with his words. The feel of it grated against my skin because it was so wrong, because it was so definitely not Seth.
But at the same time butterflies ignited in my stomach because there were still these concentrated feelings between us. I could feel the electricity as it sparked in the air around us.
“I shouldn’t?” I asked in a pleading voice.
“No.” His hand dropped from my face and reached out to grip my waist almost painfully. He yanked me against his body so that my legs straddled one of his and our chests pressed up against each other. “I’m not the same man, Stella.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I stayed silent, just absorbing his presence and drinking him in. He felt dangerous now, like the enemy he was. But I still couldn’t pull myself away from him.
“But I can’t stay away from you,” he growled. “Not even after I’ve lost so much of myself.”
And then before I could think or process his words his mouth was on mine, hungry and desperate. This was in no way like any kiss he’d given me before. This was passionate and consuming, he was drinking in my soul to fill the place where his was missing.
And I was letting him.
His mouth was insistent and demanding on mine. One moment we were pressing lips together, and the next his tongue had slipped inside and claimed mine. I gasped at the feel, the hot sensation, the explosion of desire inside of me.
He gripped my hips with his huge hands and slammed my body against his. He slid down an inch on the car so our mouths were perfectly aligned. My hands clutched at his chest, his shoulders, I slid them around his neck and then into his hair. I couldn’t decide where they should land or what part of him I wanted to touch more.
