Apparently, Seth thought this was becoming a bad habit too.
“But it’s so nice,” I pouted, not wanting him to give this up.
“You like this?” he sounded surprised and sleepy- it was my new favorite sound.
“I do like this,” I confirmed. “I like you, Seth.”
“I know you like me,” he turned me so that I was laying on my back looking up at him. He had one arm under my neck and one holding my waist across my stomach. He was looking down at me with full lips and slightly puffy eyes and I felt myself fall just a little bit more in love with him. And then he said, “I want you to more than like me.”
“I want to, too,” I heard myself say.
His beautiful mouth broke out into an adorable grin and he nuzzled his nose along my jawline. “Don’t give up on me, Stella. You need to know that my feelings for you are running my life right now. I know you need time to come to terms with your feelings for me, but I did that the moment I met you. You’re everything to me.”
His voice was rumbling and deep, rough gravel. I knew what he was saying was true because I saw it in his eyes, felt it in his touch, and heard it in the delicious sound of his voice. He was confessing all this to me and it felt like there was a purpose to it, but I couldn’t figure out what it was exactly.
“I won’t give up on you, Seth,” I promised. I reached up and held his jaw, loving the scruffy feeling of his morning growth in my hands. I let my nails scratch over the short hairs, worshipping the spiky feel on the pads of my fingers.
“Promise me, Stella,” he demanded firmly.
“I promise.” My voice was only a whisper because it was weighed down with true emotion. There was something so intense in his eyes, something so infinite. He was asking me something simple, but it felt endlessly more complex. And there was this puzzle he was setting out for me, but I couldn’t piece it together. My thoughts were still foggy and slow this morning and the answer was just out of my reach.
“I also promise that I’m going to do this again, soon. And properly.” He smiled down at me but I couldn’t figure out what he was talking about. I scrunched my eyebrows at him and frowned, but he just shook his head at me. “You’re so beautiful, Stella. And if I do this right, we can do this,” he waved a finger back and forth between us, “for the rest of our lives.”
His words set my heart thudding loudly in my chest. My stomach erupted in heated tingles and I could barely comprehend his words. The one thing I did know though was that for the first time, when Seth talked about our entwined future, it didn’t terrify me.
He leaned down and I sucked in a breath and held it, too afraid to move or do anything that would stop him from what he was about to do. My eyes fluttered closed instinctively, and I felt Seth’s lips brush across mine. Once, twice, and then he pressed his mouth against mine and held me there in a lingering kiss. He kept the kiss sweet and innocent, making me melt under the drugging sensation of his consuming affection.
Seth had been my first kiss. And while this was technically only my second, it felt so much more like an epiphany. Like instead of a kiss, this was a brand. Instead of an innocent gesture, he was claiming me for himself.
My feelings for Seth were real. And if I’d let them breathe every once in a while instead of burying them deep in the earth where they were likely to suffocate and die, I could feel just how happy this man would make me.
He pulled back and I regretted the space between us immediately. His eyes were warm, thick honey and his skin had a beautiful glow to it. He kissed my cheek and then said again, “You’re not going to give up on me.”
“I’m not going to give up on you,” I echoed, meaning it fully.
His expression darkened immediately and he pushed up into sitting. He stared at me for what seemed like an eternity of something secret, something I wasn’t allowed to feel yet and then he said, “I hate to leave you.”
“Then don’t,” I shrugged. “Play hooky with me and we’ll watch movies all day. My parents won’t care. And we already know how Jupiter feels about school.”
“Rain check?” he asked instead of agreeing to my awesome plan.
“Fine,” I groaned. “But I’m way better than high school.”
He chuckled and nodded his head, “That is very true.”
“So you’ll stay?” I asked hopefully.
“You know it kills me to leave you when you’re so anxious to spend time with me,” his smile turned sad. “But I have to go this time.”
“Fine,” I sighed. “Go, leave, betray me.”
“It’s nice to have your permission,” he teased, but there was something dark in his tone that caught my attention. “I’ll see you soon, alright?”
“Alright,” I agreed.
“Bye, Stella,” he whispered when he was standing near the window.
“Bye, Seth,” I matched his desolate tone and waved at him.
I watched him leave and close my window behind him. I stared at the window for a long time after he was gone. I wasn’t really sore anymore; my body had done a great job of healing itself, but I couldn’t bring myself to get up and walk to the window or even leave the bed. A heavy depression had settled over me and I felt inexplicably sad that Seth had left. I wanted to blame it on my intensifying feelings for him, but it was something more than that- something I couldn’t even explain yet.
I allowed fatigue to settle over me again, and because I didn’t have anything else to do, I went back to sleep.
I had weird dreams. Well, I’d been having annoying nightmares ever since the attack, but this time, in my place, the nightmare centered on Seth. He took my place, and I stood in a weird limbo watching it happen in front of me, unable to intervene or stop him from getting hurt.
I saw him near the equipment shed in deep conversation with his sister. But he didn’t look right. His skin was ghostly white, and his eyes were black and blue with fatigue. He was gaunt and sickly, a shadow of himself. I watched as Seven whispered lie after lie into his bleeding ears. And even though I couldn’t make out what she was telling him, I knew it was bad; I knew it would change him forever.