I smile, wishing I could laugh. I can’t remember the last time I laughed. My misery has hung over me like a dark cloud and everyone can see it. Most choose to ignore it, though. “I’ve always been envious of the fact that you can basically do what you want.”
Her smile is fleeting, her eyes full of sadness. “What makes you think I can? I’m just as controlled by him as you and Violet. He just chooses to do it in a different way. I’m the shunned one. The outcast. At least you’re the favorite.”
“I am not,” I say indignantly. I can’t believe she thinks that. “Violet is the favored one.”
“And she’d tell you I’m the favored one. So there you have it. We’re all pretty much screwed.” She smiles grimly.
A wave of nausea hits me and I rest my hand on my stomach, feeling it clench. Oh, God. I think I’m going to be sick. I tried my best to curb it all day, drinking ginger ale whenever I got a chance and making sure saltines were always nearby. “I need to go to the bathroom,” I mumble as I leap out of my chair, escaping the party as fast as possible.
“Rosie, wait!” Lily follows after me but I can’t stop. My stomach is pitching and roiling like a ship in a violent storm and I push open the women’s bathroom door with a loud bang, collapsing on my knees in front of the toilet in one of the stalls just in time.
“Jesus,” Lily breathes, coming up behind me. “Rosie?”
I’m too busy throwing my guts up to answer her. Not that I have much coming up. I haven’t really eaten much the last few days. The floor is cool on my knees and I brace my hands on the edge of the toilet, gasping and spitting and generally feeling like a total ass. The necklace dangles from my neck and I rest my hand over the front of it, not wanting to get anything on it.
So gross.
Lily rubs my back, pulling back my hair when I bend back over the toilet to retch one last time. The wave of nausea leaves as fast as it came and I fall against the cool metal wall of the toilet stall, pressing my forehead to it and closing my eyes.
“Rose.” My big sister’s voice is stern. She’s rarely tried to pull her authority on me, even when we were young. I’m the annoying baby sister she didn’t want to deal with, especially when she went through her wild years. But right now I can tell she means business. “You need to tell me what’s going on. This is beyond feeling tired and overheated. Are you drunk?”
I laugh weakly, but it hurts my stomach so I stop. “I wish I were drunk,” I mutter. I could drown all my sorrows in booze. But that’s not happening.
Blowing out a frustrated sigh, Lily reaches over and flushes the toilet before she grabs hold of me under my arms. “Come on, let’s get you over to the sink so you can wash up.”
I let her lead me there and I wash my face, then rinse out my mouth as best I can. Lily presses a stick of gum into my palm and I thank her gratefully, relieved that the strong minty gum nixes all bad flavors in my mouth with a few chews.
Lily fixes my hair and whips out a lipstick from her purse, slicking it on my lips for me. I let her take care of me, thankful someone is doing it because for far too long, I’ve been taking care of myself. Watching out for myself. For those blissful weeks I had someone take care of me, comfort me, and I miss it.
I miss him. Caden.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
“You want something to eat?” Lily asks once she’s finished putting me back together.
I make a face and shake my head. “Absolutely not.”
“Something to drink, then. Maybe a little wine to calm your nerves?”
“I can’t.” I press my lips together, not wanting to give my secret away. “I’m trying to stay off alcohol.”
Lily’s eyes narrow and she studies me for a long, nerve-wracking time. “Why?” she asks skeptically.
“Because it’s bad for your skin.” I shrug.
“Honey, if that’s the case where you’re concerned, I’d recommend you chug a bottle of the stuff because your skin looks terrible right now. You’re so pale, and you have dark circles here.” She runs her finger below one eye, then the other. “And here.”
I bat her hand away. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Why not?” She rests her hands on her hips, her expression one of pure skepticism. She doesn’t believe anything I’m saying and I can’t really blame her. I’m a terrible liar.
More than anything, I don’t want to lie to Lily. I want to tell her the truth. Then I won’t feel so alone anymore.
Turning away from her, I start for the door. “I’d better get out there. I’m sure Daddy needs my help with … something.”
“He’ll survive.” She follows after me, I can hear the click of her heels, but I don’t look back. I exit the bathroom and start for the door that leads back out to the party but she grabs my arm, stopping me from leaving her.
“Tell me what’s going on, Rosie. Spill.” I try to pull out of her hold, but she won’t let me go. “And if you don’t tell me, I’m going straight to Dad and telling him something’s up with you.”
“You wouldn’t.” I glare.
She raises a brow. “Try me.”
Damn it. She will. Lily plays dirty. She always has. Glancing around, I step closer to her, lowering my voice almost to a whisper. “You have to promise you won’t tell anyone. Not even Violet.”