Did they know this planet would fall just like all the rest of them?
And that I was helpless to stop it from happening?
“Don’t.” Seth commanded, his low voice a growl in my ear. “Whatever you’re thinking, don’t. Let’s get you to bed.”
I shook my head and tried to clear it of those awful, paralyzing thoughts and realized I had started to tremble. I refocused my eyes and turned around so that Seth could lead me up the stairs and to my room. Each step felt painful and took effort. Each movement of my body was forced and struggled for.
I was exhausted. But I was more than anything disturbed deeply by what happened tonight. More than the fear of my almost death was the realization that Aliah could have done anything to me and I wouldn’t have been able to stop him. Besides the number of sins he was capable of committing against me, it was more that I was weak and helpless in his arms. He had debilitated me before I could even wrap my head around what was happening and he had forced his Darkness into me while only embers of my abilities flickered against his all-consuming power.
He was so much more than I could ever have imagined facing.
So much more evil than I ever believed existed.
Or ever wanted to believe existed.
Seth opened my bedroom door and turned on the bedside lamp so that the room was illuminated by a soft, warm glow of light. I stepped inside my room feeling like I didn’t belong here anymore. This was the room of a naïve, sheltered child and I had come home tonight as a wide-eyed, inadequate failure.
This room was for those who believed they were still safe.
I wasn’t safe.
“Come to me,” Seth demanded. And I obeyed.
He was leaning against the closed door; his shoulders were still painfully tight, his light still shimmering around him. His eyes were a perfect color of honey that was deepened with his intensity. He reached out a hand to me, a strong, calloused, perfect hand and I took it so that he could pull me into him and crush me against him again.
I didn’t feel safe anymore. All of my disillusions had disappeared.
Except in Seth’s arms. Here, against his chest, with the beat of his heart pounding against my cheek and his protective arms shielding me from every dark thing in this world…. here I felt safe.
“Whatever you are feeling…. whatever you are thinking…. it’s not your fault,” Seth promised, his voice so thick with emotion that it made my chest constrict until I had to force myself to breathe again.
“It’s not yours either,” I whispered. His breath hitched in response and he clutched me impossibly closer. “Seth, he wants you,” I tried to hide the agonizing fear that laced each of my thoughts with despair, but it was useless. The fear seeped in, infected everything inside of me and left me empty of hope.
“He won’t get me,” Seth answered simply and I was surprised by the simplicity of his confidence. “I’ve lived the last eight years knowing two things for certain. One that the Darkness, in whatever form it takes, is actively hunting each and every living, breathing, good thing that exists in this universe. There are levels of denial and safety and naivety, but the Darkness wants us all. And it will stop at nothing until it either has us all or it’s destroyed. And the second thing I know is that at some level…. we all want it to capture us.”
I stopped breathing completely at his words. I had been scared into reality tonight. But Seth lived with a level of pain and struggling that I couldn’t even begin to comprehend, not at any level. And as easy as it would be for me to believe him, especially after tonight…. I had to believe there was an in between the pain of his path and the reality of the world we lived in.
“We fight two battles, Stella,” he continued and now I knew he was right. “One against the Darkness that threatens everything we know and love. And another against ourselves and what we would destroy should we give into the Darkness and end it all ourselves.”
We stayed like that for a few more minutes, before he slipped a finger under my chin and tilted my face upward to look at him. He leaned down into me and despite tonight’s events the room swam in my peripheral vision. His face was the only thing I could see clearly, his piercing eyes, his chiseled jawline, his full, wet lips.
I felt my own lips tremble just before they met his with soft, yielding pressure. He kissed me sweetly, gently and I had never felt more delicate but protected in my entire life. The kiss, my first kiss ever, only lasted for a few seconds, but it was enough to change me, rearrange the most secret places of me, and forever move some pieces of me that would never go back to being the same.
In the sweetness of his gesture I felt every fear and insecurity he had and held for me, but I also felt the depth of his emotion, the hope he had for us and in the undiscovered future neither one of us fully realized yet. He was so much more than the Angel I met just over a month ago, so much more important to every fiber of my life.
“Get some sleep, Stel, everything will feel less heavy in the morning,” he smiled down at me, disarming me with his perfect, easy grace.
“Promise?” I asked in a small voice.
“Promise,” he said finally and then released me. He left my room and suddenly the space around me felt ginormous and coldly empty.
I changed into fresh pajamas and lay down in my bed with thousands of thoughts swirling around in my head. I couldn’t bring myself to turn off the lamp, especially with Seth gone. I listened for a while to the conversation that continued after Seth returned downstairs, but eventually the voices quieted and then disappeared completely, although I was almost positive no one had left our house.
I willed myself to shut down and go to sleep but there was too much going on inside of me, too much had happened tonight.
I wouldn’t allow myself to think on Aliah directly, or dwell on what could have happened tonight. The memories and insecurities snapped through my thoughts like a disjointed, half-distorted slide show on repeat. I knew if I tried to dissect what went wrong I would only be swallowed up by the feeling of failure.