The next day she ran out of anything to do before she ran out of time. An unseasonably cool morning turned into a perfect day. Memories beckoned from the creek so she pulled off her shoes, rolled up her pants legs and waded in the cool water for a while. When a Bob-White quail continued calling from the vicinity of the pond, she headed that way. The old Apple tree spread a blanket of shade in the grass beside the pond. She sat down, leaning her back against the tree, and watched shadows from puffy clouds drift across the surface. It was a lazy day, more like the beginning of summer than the end.
Something buzzed by her head and hit the pond, skipping across the smooth surface. A few seconds lapsed before she realized that someone had skipped a stone. She turned quickly to find the source. Josh was watching her with a strange expression.
“Dreaming about the good old days?” he asked as he walked up and leaned a shoulder against the tree.
“Not really,” she said. “It’s just such a nice day that I thought I’d come out and listen to the birds. I haven’t been here in a while.”
She leaned back against the tree, her back stiff with anxiety. What did he want? Hopefully Alex wouldn’t come home for lunch and find them together. She touched the pouch on her side, confirming that the cell phone was there.
Josh squatted beside her, eyeing the pond with a sour expression. “I don’t understand you women.”
Carmen hugged her knees and smiled. “That must put you up there with 90% of the males.”
His face turned to her, the thin lips twisted in a sardonic smile.
“So why do we bother?”
She shrugged. “Beats me.”
He plucked a strand of grass and stuck it in his mouth.
“She says she loves me,” he finally said around it. “But what she really loves is money.”
Carmen said nothing. He didn’t want answers. He simply wanted someone to listen.
“She’s gone to work all day,” he continued, “and when she gets home she says she’s tired. I told her she didn’t need to work, but she thinks we can’t live without her income.”
He stood and walked to the edge of the pond.
“Maybe she just wants to feel important.”
He pulled the grass from his mouth and studied the end.
“A baby would make her feel important, don’t you think?”
It wasn’t a welcome subject, and he should know that. Yet, of all the reasons she wanted a baby, feeling important wasn’t even in the top 100. Lori didn’t want the responsibility of a baby. She had said that often enough. So why had she married Josh? Probably for the same reason Carmen had married a man who couldn’t give her children - because she loved him.
Josh was watching her, waiting for an answer. Carmen sighed heavily.
“I don’t think I’m the one you should ask about that, Josh.”
He nodded, his gaze becoming sharp.
“You and I both want a baby. How did we end up marrying people who don’t?”
A warm flush crawled up her neck. “Alex wants a baby, Josh. He has simply accepted the fact that we can’t have one.”
“And how about you,” he asked, his gaze becoming intense.
“I’m working on it. He’s had longer to adjust to the idea.”
“You could adopt,” he said, his attention returning to the pond. He reached down and selected a few stones.
“That’s what Alex says, but I don’t want to adopt a baby and then have the mother change her mind after we’ve learned to love it.”
Josh eyed her. “There are other ways.” He skipped a stone across the pond.
She rested her chin on her knees. “No.” Did he come out here to discuss his problems or her options?
He tossed another stone. “I thought about substituting her birth control pills with something.”
Carmen caught her breath. “Josh!”
He shrugged. “Well . . .”
“That won’t solve your problems. It will only make them worse. Besides, a baby deserves the right to be welcomed by both parents.”
“She’d change her mind after it was born.”
“Maybe, but what about your relationship with her? She’d never trust you again. This is something really important, Josh. You can’t mess with things like that.”
“I know.” He threw the last stone into the water without trying to skip it. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he turned to walk away.
“Is that what happened with us?”
She stood and brushed the seat of her pants off.
“There never was an us, Josh. We were just two confused playmates.”
He stopped, his gaze becoming hard. “Maybe that’s what it was to you.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, ducking her head to avoid a branch as she walked under it. “I didn’t realize it myself for a long time.”
“Until Alex came along,” his voice was bitter.
“No, it was before that. I just didn’t know why I was so apathetic.”
Josh walked away, shaking his head. He was going through a rough time right now. But then, Lori must be too. It was impossible to empathize with her. How anyone could not want a baby was beyond her imagination. Still, Lori had been clear enough on that subject. Josh couldn’t claim he didn’t know before he married her – or became involved with her, for that matter.
That evening when Alex came in, she had put the incident to the back of her mind. He walked through the living room and down the hall silently rolling up his sleeves. When he came into the kitchen his expression was reflective. He sat down in his chair without assisting her and picked up the bowl of mashed potatoes.
Carmen poured his coffee and sat down in her chair. After a brief moment of thanks, she looked up to find Alex watching her.
“What did Josh want?”
“Josh?” she asked. How did he know Josh had been there?
“I saw his tire tracks in the yard.” He forked a steak off the serving tray and handed the tray to her.
“They have an unusual tread.”
She accepted the tray. “He showed up suddenly when I was sitting beside the pond. I guess he and Lori are having problems and he needed someone to talk to.”
“So he came to you?”
She shrugged, forking a stake. “We’re old friends.”
He grunted. “So, if we have problems, will you go to him?”
Her gaze shot up to his. Those dark eyes were studying her intently. It was a fair question, even if she had never thought of it that way. It was hard to tell what she would do – if or who she might talk to.
“I doubt it,” she said, sitting the tray down. “So when did you become the great white hunter?”
He frowned. “What?”
She smiled. “Reading tire tracks in the dirt.”
His lips thinned into a straight line as he focused on the food in his plate. He ate several bites without responding.
Finally she sighed and put her fork down.
“Please don’t do this to me, Alex.”
The fork paused half way to his mouth, his startled gaze meeting hers. For a moment the question was in his eyes and started to form on his lips – and then comprehension softened his gaze.
“I wish he’d stay home,” he finally said. “He has two parents and three sisters. Why can’t he talk to them?”
Carmen lifted one shoulder in a noncommittal shrug.
“Probably because he doesn’t want to disappoint them.”
Alex watched her for a moment, his gaze searching her face. Finally he sighed.
“That was a comforting answer, but I’m not sure it was accurate.” He shook his head, as if to clear it. “So what were you doing down at the pond?”
“Just sitting there, enjoying the weather.” She picked up her fork. “Would you mind if I used mother’s dishes?”
He lifted a brow, a twinkle coming into his eyes.
“Aren’t these the same dishes you didn’t want to use at your house?”
Warmth crawled up her neck. “That was different. This place is so nice . . .”
He grinned. “And my dishes aren’t?”
The flush crept up to her cheeks. “If you want me to use yours . . .”
His soft chuckle interrupted her. “I’d feel honored if you brought your mother’s dishes here and used them instead of these. I remember how much you treasured them.”
It was strange how their disputes seemed to be building blocks. For Lori and Josh, they were like building blocks being torn down. Did Josh and Lori actually love each other? But then, marriage wasn’t a smooth ride. Sooner or later she and Alex would run smack into the middle of something unpleasant. Hopefully it wouldn’t involve Josh – or Lori, for that matter. Memory of the phone call brought back a dark question. Would Alex cheat? It was a question for which there was no answer. It might depend on the circumstances. Yet, if his interest in her was fading, surely he wouldn’t be so concerned about Josh.
Saturday morning Alex was up early and insisted on doing the chores. About ten in the morning he announced he was going to the clinic for a little while. Carmen watched his truck disappear down the road. Was he actually going to the clinic? Was that where he planned to meet the mystery person? For nearly a half hour she struggled with the idea of going to the clinic. Finally, rationalizing that they needed milk, she headed for the grocery store. On the way back, she drove by the clinic, but his truck wasn’t there. If he didn’t go to the clinic, where did he go? By the time she got home, she was certain he was having an affair. And yet, when the garage door lifted, his truck was parked inside.
Alex met her at the door and took the sack of groceries. “I wondered where you got off to. I have a surprise for you.”
She glanced around the living room. Apparently it was in another room.
He put away the milk and waved a hand for her to follow as he headed out the back door. Sooner or later, most people give in to a child’s voice deep inside. With Alex, it surfaced in a love of surprises. Unable to contain his excitement, he started out ahead of her, turning to make sure she was following. He did that all the way to the barn. Inside, he flipped on the light and covered her eyes, guiding her a short distance before removing his hands.
At first she didn’t see the white form in the hay. Alex watched her, smiling as she looked around the barn. Finally she spotted the lamb. She caught her breath and glanced up at Alex.
“Is it for me?”
He nodded, clearly pleased by her reaction. One of our customers was telling Saundra about it and she thought you might be interested. The ewe had more than she could feed. “
“Oh,” Carmen gasped, putting a hand to her mouth. “How will I take care of it?”
“Bottle feed it. I bought some lamb milk formula. You fed your baby goats with a bottle. It’s not that different.”
“But the lamb is so tiny.”
He chuckled. “She was the smallest. She will grow with love and care.”
When Alex opened the make-shift gate, Carmen stepped inside and knelt beside the lamb. Its wool was as soft as freshly washed hair and it bleated when she scooped it into her arms. Was this what he didn’t want her to find out about? He must have picked up the lamb and left the clinic, which would explain why he wasn’t there when she drove by. Hopefully he’d never find out she doubted him.
Later that evening, Alex answered his cell phone.
“Hey, sugar.” He laughed. “Yes, she liked it. She’s right here. Do you want to talk to her?”
Alex handed his phone to Carmen.
“Sugar?” She asked.
Alex laughed. “Saundra.”
Carmen took the phone and thanked Saundra for helping Alex get the lamb to her. They talked for a few minutes, and after they were done, she closed the phone and handed it back to Alex.
“So, what’s the story behind sugar?”
“Just an office joke,” he said. “I asked her if she wanted some coffee with sugar, but she didn’t hear the word with. She thought I was joking around and said: Do you want some coffee, sugar? So she said – jokingly, of course: No thank you, honey.”
That explained the note, but why was it written in Spanish? Saundra didn’t speak Spanish. Instantly the answer was clear. Alex was teaching Saundra to speak Spanish. Why hadn’t that occurred to her before? For a moment she envied their working environment. It must be nice having someone to talk to every day. Katie was available most of the time, but she and Katie saw things differently. Mums was retired, but that was another generation. Alex was right. She needed to get out more.
That night she made a vow to herself. She wouldn’t waste her time wondering about fidelity. Among other things, it was disrespectful to Alex. He had done nothing to cause her to doubt him.
The next morning when she was feeding the horses, Brutus wandered up with something in his mouth. Carmen coaxed him to surrender it to her hand. When she recognized the deer hock in her hand, she dropped it.
“Oh my gosh, Brutus! Not again!”
She gingerly picked the grizzly trophy up from the barn floor and tossed it in the trash bucket.
“Where is it this time?”
Brutus eyed her suspiciously. He didn’t know what she was saying, but he knew that tone. He was in trouble.
She finished chores and decided to go look for evidence. Crossing the creek and field to her house, she studied the hillside beyond for any sign of a deer. Brutus took off toward the forest, barking.
Carmen ran after him. “Brutus, come back here! Leave the deer alone!”
Something moved up in the trees, but it was impossible to determine what it was in the shadows. It was probably a deer, though. She caught up with Brutus near the tree line and that was when she saw it – half hidden under a dead limb. It was a deer – or what was left of one, anyway. It looked like a fresh kill. The hoof Brutus had brought her had to be a different one.
She was reaching for her phone when she saw Josh coming up the hill.
“I saw you running over here and thought I’d better check on you. What’s going on?”
She put the strap back over her phone. There was no point in disturbing Alex at work. Josh could help with this issue. She pointed at the deer carcass.
“This is the second one I’ve found up here. I’m afraid Brutus might be killing deer.”
Josh eyed Brutus and then shook his head.
“Not likely. When was the first time you saw one?”
Carmen shrugged. “A few days before we were married.”
Josh stared at her for a moment and then a lopsided smile twisted his lips.
“Let me guess. You didn’t tell Alex about it.”
Carmen felt the warmth crawl up her neck. She wasn’t going to dignify that question with an answer.
“So why do you think it isn’t likely it was Brutus?”
Josh continued to watch her. “You didn’t tell him, did you? You figured Brutus killed the deer and you figured he’d shoot him.”
“No,” she answered defensively.
He grinned. “No you didn’t tell him or no you didn’t think he’d shoot him?
She stamped her foot. “Stop it Josh!”
He chuckled. “Well, well. It isn’t all paradise, is it?”
She turned away from him and headed for the carcass.
“I saw something up here a few minutes ago. Maybe another deer.”
He followed her and studied the deer.
“Or a wild dog.”
She stiffened and peered into the forest.
“I haven’t seen any strange dogs in a long time. The last time I saw the deer up here, I found a track big enough to belong to Brutus – only it didn’t look like his tracks.”
He frowned. “What did it look like?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know – a big track.”
Brutus growled again and Josh took her by the arm.
“Come on. Let’s get out of here. I don’t have a gun or anything.”
When he pushed her ahead of him down the hill, she gave him no argument and continued without comment. She wasn’t supposed to be up here alone and it probably wouldn’t make Alex feel any better to know Josh had been here with her. Somehow she needed to get Alex to check this out – without telling him she or Josh had been here.
That evening she was fixing supper when she glanced out the window in time to see a white truck pull up at her house. Alex was followed by Bill and then Josh. She sat down on the window seat and watched as the men walked up the hill with rifles.
So Josh had informed Alex about the situation. Was it an attempt to cause a rift between them or did he think there was real danger? Surely if they had a wild dog problem again, they would have seen or heard them by now.
The men gathered at the spot where she and Josh had seen the deer carcass and appeared to be discussing something. Alex kneeled on the ground, looking at something and then stood. Finally they all walked back to their trucks and left the property.
A few minutes later, Alex came in from the garage. Carmen used the chore of setting the table to avoid his gaze. He would be disappointed or upset – maybe both.
“Supper’s ready,” she announced nonchalantly.
“Great. I’m starving,” he answered in a casual tone.
Encouraged by his response, she glanced up at his face. His sober gaze ran over her face as he assisted her with her chair. He sat down opposite her and picked up his napkin.
“So what have you been doing today?”
She shrugged. “The usual.”
He forked a piece of chicken off the platter.
“Has Brutus been acting strange lately?”
She kept her focus on the task of loading her plate, avoiding his gaze.
“He’s been barking some.”
“Are the goats staying closer to the house?”
She glanced up at him involuntarily. “I haven’t noticed, but Brutus has been here a lot, so I guess the goats have been too.”
He made no further comment and concentrated on his supper. They ate in silence and when he finished, he leaned back in his chair sipping his coffee, staring at the table absently.
Carmen started cleaning up the table. She might as well stop avoiding the subject. He obviously knew anyway.
“I didn’t mean to go up there. I was just trying to catch Brutus.”
His gaze lifted to her, gradually focusing on what she was saying. When she had his undivided attention, she continued.
“He brought me a deer hock.”
Alex frowned. “Who?”
“Brutus.”
Did he think Josh brought it to her?
“Josh saw me running after Brutus and came over to see what was wrong.”
His bewildered gaze traveled over her face, landing questioningly on her eyes.
Carmen sighed. “I saw something move in the forest near the deer carcass. I thought maybe it was a deer. Brutus started growling at it and Josh said we should go back. I was going to tell you when you got home.”
Alex leaned forward in his chair and slowly set the coffee mug on the table. His troubled gaze searched her face.
“Let me get this straight. You went up there alone? You saw something in the forest; Brutus was growling and you had to be told to get out of there?”
She stared at him. Oops. Apparently Josh hadn’t told him she was there after all. She gnawed on her lower lip as she lifted their plates from the table and walked over to the sink. Still, Josh must have said something or Alex wouldn’t have been there with his gun. Of course, Katie could have told him. No, she wouldn’t do that.
Alex followed her to the sink.
“You know, that’s precisely why I don’t want you up in the hills alone. You don’t use good judgment.”
As Mom used to say, truth hurts, but surely silver tongued Alex could have found a less contentious way of saying it. Then again, maybe he would have if he hadn’t been so frightened.
“Josh was with me,” she reassured him.
Alex snorted. “I guess that explains why he lied about what happened.”
Carmen turned on him, warmth shooting up her neck so quickly that it was painful.
“I didn’t tell him to lie, if that’s what you think.”
Alex nodded. “I can believe that, but why would he lie to me about it? Why would he say he found the deer when you did?”
His voice was calm, but his eyes accused her.
She shrugged. “I suppose he was trying to protect me.”
Dark brows crouched over equally dark eyes. Oops again. Alex took great pride in protecting her.
“Protect you from me? What have you been telling him?”
This was getting ridiculous. What was there to tell?
“Nothing. I guess he just knew you’d be upset.”
He leaned against the counter, folding his arms across his chest.
“Why would he think that?”
Indeed, why would he? She hadn’t said anything to give Josh the idea that Alex would be upset. In fact, maybe what gave him that idea was what she hadn’t said – or done.
She shrugged. “I guess because I didn’t tell you about the first time.”
His brows shot up. “The first time?”
It was her land and they weren’t even married then. Who was he to tell her where she could go? It was his place to make decisions, but he wasn’t going to run her life.
She lifted her chin and met his gaze defiantly.
“A few days before we were married, I found the remains of a deer. I stuffed it in a trash bag and put it in the burn barrel.”
His gaze searched her face. For a moment his eyes held a touch of humor that never found his lips. He ran a hand through his hair.
“I guess that would explain the smell. I thought you left some garbage and I burned it.”
Apparently that was what inspired his decision to arrange for a trash truck once a week.
His gaze drifted in thought and then came back to her suspiciously.
“Was he with you then?”
Carmen caught her breath. “Of course not. I was only there long enough to pick up some pictures. Brutus came to me with blood on his muzzle. I didn’t know what to think.”
Once again his gaze traveled over her face. Finally he lowered his arms and took a step toward her, grasping her shoulders.
“Sweetheart, I wish you wouldn’t hide things from me that way. It hurts me to think you’re afraid of me.”
She leaned toward him, gazing up at his face.
“I’m not afraid of you Alex.”
For a moment they stood gazing at each other. He stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers and ran a thumb along her jaw.
Carmen sighed. “I’m sorry it caused you to worry but I don’t think it was wild dogs. I haven’t seen any sign of strange dogs around.”
He considered the information a moment and then took a pad and pencil from the counter.
“Come here,” he said, sitting down at the table.
She sat opposite him and watched as he drew two different tracks.
“We found some tracks,” he began. “This one is what Brutus’ tracks look like.”
She stood and leaned closer to study the track. He drew an x through both tracks and pointed at the other one.
“This is the track we found.”
The x went between two toes and straddled the pad on the one he drew to represent Brutus. On the other track, the x went between the toes and through the pad. She frowned at him.
“So, does that prove it wasn’t Brutus?”
His smile was wry. “It wasn’t even a dog. It was a cat.”
She shook her head. “The track I saw was too big to belong to a cat.”
Even as she said it, she realized what he was telling her. She caught her breath.
“A mountain lion?”
He nodded. “Now do you see why I was so concerned about you being up there alone?”
The blood drained from her face so fast that she had to sit down. Alex reached for her.
“Are you alright?”
She nodded. “Do you think we chased the mountain lion away? Was that what I saw?”
He stood. “It’s hard to tell. It could have been anything. But if you had been alone and it was a mountain lion . . .”
He left the sentence hanging. The answer was obvious.
He watched her for a moment. “Why would you hide something like that from me?”
She gazed up at him. “I thought Brutus might be killing deer.”
He frowned, “And?”
She shrugged. “I thought you would be upset.”
He studied her for a moment and then put a hand on her shoulder.
“Did you think I would ask you to put him down? I wouldn’t do that, Carmen. There are alternatives.”
She gazed up at him. “I know, but . . .”
It didn’t matter. The fact was, she wasn’t sure how he would react if he discovered Brutus was killing deer. Fortunately, Brutus wasn’t the culprit.
“What are we going to do about the mountain lion?”
He shrugged. “Deer are the mountain lion’s natural prey. As long as it sticks to that, it has a right to be out there. I just want you to be careful from now on. Can you use a gun?”
She nodded. “My father taught me, but I don’t want to carry a gun everywhere I go. Besides, most wild animals will avoid humans.”
He nodded. “That’s true, but they do attack humans on occasion.” He put an arm around her shoulder. “When Brutus is growling or barking at something, he’s warning you. Listen to him, okay?”
She nodded. “I will from now on.”
If it hurt him that she didn’t tell him about things like that, how would he feel when he found out about the place on the mountain? Josh was right – partly. Of course, Alex didn’t have to find out. But Josh might tell him. It would be better if she told him before Josh did.
She got as far as opening her mouth, but when one brow lifted, she hesitated.
“What?” He asked.
She shrugged. “Nothing.”
There was no point in talking to him about it now. She’d tell him when the time was right.
She smiled. “So how did you learn all your hunting skills?”
He shrugged. “My father taught me.”
“He hunted?”
He nodded. “And fished.”
She made a face. “How did a man who hunted animals to eat become a veterinarian?”
The dimple made an appearance. “How did a woman who loved goats bring herself to eat them?”
She wrinkled her nose. “I needed the food.” She sighed. “Even if you didn’t need the meat, you might want the variety.”
He nodded. “I enjoyed hunting with my father.” His gaze searched her face. “Did you ever hunt or fish with your father?”
She smiled wistfully, thinking of their time together on the mountain. “He didn’t hunt – that I know of, but we fished sometimes at the pond.” Her gaze lifted to his. “I guess it must have been disappointing to him that I turned out to be a girl.”
Alex smiled, his eyes going that soft milk chocolate color.
“I doubt it. I’m sure glad you weren’t a boy, though.”