If there had been a specific time when it happened, it might have been awkward, or even frightening. Maybe it was because he took his time, or because there were so many opportunities that were passed over – whatever the case, it wasn’t as unpleasant as she had imagined. And yet, afterward, he held her close, comforting her while she cried. It wasn’t pain that caused the tears. In fact, she had no idea why she cried. She simply felt sad, as if she had lost someone forever. She explained it that way to Alex and he thought she might be grieving her virginity. Maybe that was part of it, but it felt more complicated. Still, as welcome as his compassion was, it only served to increase her tears.
Later when she woke to darkness, his arm was draped across her protectively. For a few minutes she lay still, basking in the security of his presence. His warm breath puffed on her bare shoulder with the rhythm of sleep. The contentment that consumed her body and soul wasn’t merely the satisfaction of lovemaking. In honoring her beliefs regarding chastity – even when he didn’t agree, he had expressed his respect for her. Alex was a good lover - in more ways than one. He was as concerned with her wants and needs as he was with his own. He understood the value of a gentle caress and a soft spoken word. He was attentive and understanding. Those were the things that made loving him so satisfying – so exciting.
She ran a hand across his forearm, enjoying the feel of his muscles. No more would she crawl between icy sheets and shiver until her own body heat warmed them - or wake to a cold lonely house. When she heard strange noises in the night, a simple nudge would replace the telephone call she was too ashamed to make.
Her stomach growled, reminding her that they hadn’t eaten supper. Glancing at the clock, she sighed. It was two-thirty in the morning after their wedding - and she was hungry.
Gently lifting his arm, she slid out from under it. Once out of bed she slipped into a nightgown and headed for the kitchen. Washing her hands in the kitchen sink so that she wouldn’t disturb him, she sneaked a peak in the refrigerator. It seemed an invasion of his privacy, but he had insisted that it was now all theirs, not his.
“I don’t think you’ll find much in there.”
His voice startled her to the point that she squealed. She turned to find him dressed in pajamas, watching her.
He smiled. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“I’m sorry. I was hungry and I thought . . .”
His brows lowered. “why are you sorry.”
She straightened, folding her arms across her chest and eyed him cautiously.
“I’m going to be in trouble if I say I’m sorry for getting into your refrigerator, right?”
He chuckled. “Not if you can find something to eat. I’m starving.”
“I think we need to go to the store tomorrow - today, but I can fix us a snack.”
Ten minutes later the snack was a grilled cheese sandwich and milk. They sat in comfortable silence, eating. It was nice sitting there with him. She glanced up to find him watching her.
His concerned gaze searched her face. “Are you alright?”
A warm flush rushed up her neck. She ducked her head, avoiding his questioning gaze. “Yes.” She bit her lower lip.
His hand covered hers gently. “I understand.”
Understand? How could he when she didn’t? Maybe it was relief from the stress of worrying about that moment – or hormones.
“It will be different next time,” he said. “It will be better.”
“Better?” Her gaze lifted to his. Was he disappointed?
He leaned back in his chair and watched her, his eyes twinkling with humor. “Everything gets better with practice, Carmen.”
Her face burned. Maybe so. In her case, any change would have to be an improvement - and what about the loss of innocence? Wasn’t that innocence what attracted him to her in the first place?
Stretching his arms and yawning, he leaned forward to rise. “I was looking forward to sleeping in this morning.” He stood and held a hand down to her. “How about you?”
She grasped his hand and came out of the chair with his assistance. He slipped an arm around her shoulder and turned toward their bedroom. Hopefully sleeping was all that was on his mind right now.
Her concerns were unfounded, as usual. This time when they went to bed, she snuggled next to him and they slept in each other’s arms until the sun awakened them. Marriage was going to be a wonderful change.