I can't … process everything. I begin working on Anton's project once more. Something wet causes my finger to smear the mouse pad. I look down, puzzled, and watch as another droplet splashes onto my laptop.
Touching my wet cheek with my hand, I pull it away wet with moisture and realize I'm crying. I set the laptop aside. I'm shaking, overheating and also too cold, panicking and excited. Unable to contain the emotions any longer, I bury my face in a pillow on the couch and sob.
It takes me most of the day to get a hold of myself but finally, after Todd's fourth text asking me when I'm coming, I take a long, hot shower, hide the signs I've been crying with makeup and get ready to go.
A cab takes me through snowy streets to the edge of town. I'm not surprised to see the brightly lit Christmas trees lining the driveway to Petr's home. The drive is clear, and the courtyard area, as well as the front yard, are packed with vehicles. The driver drops me off at the front door, where a cheerful sign hangs.
Come on in!
I stare at it, start to laugh and then shake my head.
The design is mine, one of those Anton asked me to do. I thought he was playing around for the three weeks of projects.
The moment I step into the foyer, I spot the banner I made him hanging from the rafters supporting the second floor.
Happy Holidays!
"Crafty old man," I murmur.
The coatroom is open, and I place my jacket there. The house is huge; I don't blame them for coming to the door every time someone arrives. Likewise, I don't know it well enough to know where I'm supposed to go.
I head towards the kitchen and the sunroom where we had brunch. The house smells of food, and it looks like they added another layer or two of decorations everywhere. Twinkling lights, splashes of red, green, and gold, trees, presents, stockings and all kinds of winter décor pack the walls, line the hallways and clutter and dangle from every surface. There are groups of people, platters of food and places to sit in the formal rooms I pass. I don't recognize anyone at all, and the sense of not belonging bothers me.
The decorations cheer me up. In a place like this, after my phone call today, I can feel the exhilaration and magic of the holiday in a way I haven't since I was a kid. Though I still can't quite determine what I feel.
Giddiness.
Fear.
Hope.