—Caution.
—At some point, you’re gonna have to trust someone. If anything, you could get hit by a milk truck tomorrow and there’d be no one left who knows any of whatever it is you keep to yourself.
—You do realize I am essentially a spectator in all of this. I do not come from outer space. I did not build a giant robot. I did not even play any significant part in finding it or understanding how it works. You can therefore assume that 100 percent of the knowledge that I possess was handed to me by other people. If anything were to happen to me, there would be someone left who knows what I know, a lot of someones. I trust that, in the event of my demise, the right information would find its way to the people who need it, as it found its way to me.
—Sure, but why not save us all a lot of time and tell us, so we can, you know, help a little!
—You are helping, tremendously. And part of the reason you are able to contribute so significantly to this project is that you are not burdened by unnecessary knowledge. Some of it might help you, I agree, but some of it would also narrow your options, steer your thoughts in one particular direction, prevent you from seeing all there is to see. Since I cannot know which information would hinder your thought processes, I find it best to provide you only with what you really need to know.
—Really? All this time I thought you were just the biggest micromanager the Earth had ever known. I never realized you were doing all of this for me. How can I ever thank you enough?
—You should leave the sarcasm to Ms. Resnik. She is infinitely better at it than you are. Are you ready to go back to work?
—What work? I’ve done two things so far, decipher some alien symbols on panels I accidentally dematerialized, and learn to pilot a robot you sent to the bottom of the ocean. As far as I can tell, there’s nothing left for me to do.
—That was not my question. I was asking whether you felt ready or not.
—To do what?
—Anything. I am asking whether you feel ready to do anything.
—I don’t understand.
—Unless there are aspects of your life I was not made aware of, all you have accomplished in the last five months is to grow a beard and build models of World War II naval ships. While those ships are admittedly highly detailed, and do testify to your patience and dexterity, they offer little in the way of reassuring anyone about your mental stability.
—I…I don’t know what to say…I’m stable…mentally, and I can do…things, that you won’t tell me about.
—What is the current state of your relationship with Ms. Resnik?
—My…I haven’t spoken to her in quite some time.
—Precisely. How can you pretend to be strong enough to resume work if you cannot even pick up the phone and call a woman you obviously care for very deeply?
—I wanted to wait until I was sure.
—Sure of what?
—I’m almost there. I will call her soon, I promise. I wanted to wait until I was sure.
—…
—Until I was sure I’d never fall again.
—…
—I don’t know how else to explain it. I wake up every morning hearing Rose screaming for me to stop. People keep telling me that it’ll pass, that there’ll come a day when I don’t have to watch her die over and over again in my dreams. I don’t think that day will come, but I’ve learned to live with it.
I mean, of course, I wish I could only remember the good parts. She gave me her trust, her friendship, and she opened the doors to a world I would never have dreamed of. I’ll be in her debt until it’s my turn to die. I wish I could only see that, but I can’t. So, if waking up screaming every morning is part of remembering her, I’m fine with that.
I can’t bring her back. It’s too late for me to listen to her, and I can’t promise I’ll always do what anyone else asks me to do, but I swear to you, I swear on my life, I will never fall again. I will never let anything happen to someone I love because I wasn’t strong enough, starting with Kara. That’s why I’m waiting to call her.
—I do not question your resolve, I never have, but you cannot guarantee that your knees will not simply give again, as they did the last time.
—I climb stairs.
—What?
—I climb stairs with my knees in reverse.
—Perhaps there are aspects of your life I was not made aware of. Please go on.
—At night, in my apartment building. I set my alarm for 2:00 A.M., and I go up and down the back stairs. I go up four floors, then down, then up again, until I can’t move anymore.
—How often do you do that?
—Every night since I came back here. My legs are too tired to work out during the day, so I drink protein shakes and work on my concentration. I build model ships while I do multiples in my head using alien math. It’s a bit unorthodox, I know, and I’m sorry if it’s not up to everyone’s standards, but it’s the closest thing I could find to working the console. So I don’t know what you’re really asking me to do, but if you’re thinking of getting the band back together, I’m ready. I’m ten times more ready than I was the last time I set foot in the sphere.
—Getting the band back together might not be that easy.
—…I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you. It’s just, what you said, it’s a quote from Jake in that movie, The Blues Brothers.
—I was citing you, from a moment ago…
—I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…
—…and that line is from Elwood, not Jake. Congratulations.
—What did I do?
—You have convinced me that you are fit for duty. All you need to do now is to convince Ms. Resnik.
FILE NO. 239
INTERVIEW WITH ALYSSA PAPANTONIOU, CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER AND CHIEF SCIENCE OFFICER, BVI COMPANY NUMBER 462753 INC.
Location: Undisclosed location, near San Juan, Puerto Rico
—Alas, Ms. Papantoniou, we meet again.
—Yes, it must be hard for you.
—Why would you say that? I was sorry to see you go.
—You had me de…deported.
—Yes. I meant afterward. I had underestimated your contribution to the team. I believe you lack the social skills and empathy that are necessary to lead people, but I realize that you are a uniquely talented individual and that we can greatly benefit from your presence.
—And now the board has ch…chosen me. I’m in charge this time.
—Indeed they have. You must have made quite an impression with the Russian government. I am curious, however, as to what you really offered them since you knew nothing of this facility. You must have convinced them that you could find a way to activate the controls for their pilots, were they able to retrieve the pieces from the bottom of the trench on their own. I am fairly certain the United States would not look kindly on your proposal to the Russians.
—I don’t think they would look kindly on your setting up this consortium either.
—Exactly. As you can see, we have a lot in common. We are both deeply committed to this project, enough so that we must often choose between what is ethical, honorable, and what is important. I hope this shared commitment can serve as the foundation of our renewed relationship. I hope we can have a…fresh start.