Madison leant across the table and reached for my hand. “I think you’re amazing, Blade. You’re too hard on yourself sometimes.”
Fuck, if only she knew the half of it.
I pulled my hand away from hers. “I’m not, and if you knew the truth about me you wouldn’t think that,” I snapped.
She knew I was angry now, but she wasn’t the type of woman who was easily affected by that. Having grown up surrounded by bikers would have taught her how to handle herself. She fixed a dirty glare on me and said, “Well, perhaps if you shared more about yourself with me, I would be able to show you that nothing you tell me would make me see you any differently. I love you and accept you for who you are; all of it, the good and the bad.”
I was done with fucking deep and meaningful for the day. Pointing at her pancakes, I said, “Eat up, I’ve got shit to do today, and discussing my feelings is not on that list.”
She huffed at me but did as I said.
We sat in silence until Scott joined us a few moments later. Eyeing me, he asked, “You heard from Marcus recently?”
“No,” I replied, taking in the dark circles under his eyes and exhausted features.
“Me either,” he murmured, deep in thought. “We should have a sit-down soon, go over where we’re all at with this.”
“Yeah. Work out a time with the boys and let me know.”
“You free tomorrow morning? My house.”
“Yeah, eight good for you?”
He nodded, then looked at Madison, and asked, “You okay?”
“Yes, apart from having brothers who don’t tell me shit,” she answered with a glare.
Frustration crossed Scott’s face. “Right, I’m out of here. See you tomorrow.”
As she watched him go, Madison blew out a long breath. They frustrated each other, and yet I could easily see the love and concern they shared. Madison’s was more obvious, but Scott’s was just as deep; he just showed it in his own way. Growing up, I would have done anything to have that kind of love in my life. Funny how the universe conspires endlessly against some people . . . but I’d fought back and took what I could when I had the opportunity. Having Madison’s love now was something I was grateful for, and I’d always do everything necessary to keep it. Showing her my true self would almost guarantee the loss of that love, though, and I wasn’t willing to take that gamble.
***
The rest of my day went fairly smoothly. That was, until Merrick broke news to me that pissed me off. We’d been going through my appointments for today and tomorrow when he paused for a moment before continuing in a slightly pained voice, “I’ve heard rumblings that Phil Deacon wants a shot at the Hurley construction job. Apparently, he’ll be bidding for it, and has made threats that he’ll do whatever it takes to win it over you.”
Our construction company was a huge part of our organisation these days. It was one of the areas we’d branched into after we walked away from drugs and prostitution years ago. The Hurley job was massive, and I didn’t intend for us to lose it.
I began pacing the room. Phil was a loose cannon; one never knew entirely what his next move would be. We’d have to tread carefully where he was concerned, because the fucker wasn’t afraid of using dirty tricks or violence to get what he wanted. “Keep an eye on him. I refuse to lose the job to him so I imagine it’ll get dirty for awhile.”
Merrick nodded. “Yeah, I figured. I’ll put Ben on him.”
Ben was a good choice: brilliant at what he did and not afraid to take whatever action was needed to ensure our end goals were met. “Good.”
I stopped pacing, my mood shifting as control eased back into me. “Has my mother called?”
A frown creased his forehead. “No. Doesn’t she usually call your direct number?”
“Yes, but I just realised I didn’t hear from her yesterday. Figured she may have called you instead.”
Understanding flickered in his eyes. “I’m sure she’s alright.”
“I’ll phone her, make sure.” My mother phoned me every day, checking in and letting me know she was okay. She’d started doing it when Marcus stopped seeing her late last year. I’d been surprised as fuck when he’d made that move, and I had to admit I’d been waiting for the day he changed his mind. She’d been distraught when he’d stopped seeing her, and I knew she’d fall at his feet whenever he said the word. For her to miss a call made me consider the possibility he’d taken her back.
As he left, Merrick added, “You’re a good man.”
I scoffed. “Hardly.” What the fuck was up with people telling me this shit today?
“Sure, we’ve been through some shit over the years, but this work we’re doing now is good.”
“Don’t let it fool you, Merrick. The good doesn’t negate the bad. And it certainly doesn’t make me a good person.”
He raised his eyebrows, the look on his face one of irritation. “I see things a little differently from you, Blade.”
He walked out of the room, and I sat back at my desk. Surveying my office, I thought back to when we started doing this work. The day Merrick and I took matters into our own hands was burned into my memory. Ashley had been the catalyst of that, had shown me the truth of the lie I’d been living up until that point. It had been a bloody battle that day; a battle I hadn’t hesitated to take charge of and do whatever was necessary to ensure victory. Justice had been served to the one who had wronged so many. The fact Ashley wasn’t here to witness the results of everything we’d put in motion that day broke my fucking heart. But it just reminded me life had a way of taking the good and fucking with it when you least expected it. All you could do was savour what you had, while you had it, and hope like hell you kept it for a long time.