From the corner of my eye, I saw Giguhl freeze.
“Not necessarily,” I said. “Not if I thought you had a good reason for doing it.” The look he shot me was heavy with irony. “I mean, yes, sure I’d be hurt at first, but I like to think that our relationship is strong enough that you—I mean I—would eventually get over it.”
“Oh, shit!” Giguhl rushed forward. Adam swung around to look at him. “I told you not to mention the Slade thing!”
I froze as my gut clenched and cold acid shot through my veins. With wide eyes, I turned on the demon and tried to shoot him cease-and-desist semaphore.
But my efforts were in vain because Adam rounded on me. His face as hard as one of those Easter Island statues. “What Slade thing?”
I recovered a fraction of a second too late. “What? Nothing.”
“Fuck me,” Giguhl whispered, realizing his mistake. “Sorry, Red.”
Adam stiffened but kept his eyes on me. “Sabina?” His voice was unnervingly quiet.
I blew out a breath. The kind that signals surrender to the inevitable. “Remember when I told you Slade and I hadn’t been together since that time we worked together in Los Angeles?”
Adam’s eyes narrowed to sharp slits. He didn’t say anything, didn’t move.
My stomach sunk like it was tied to a cinder block tossed into a freezing river. “Back in October—before you and I were together, mind you—I… Slade and I—”
I looked around frantically for help. For someone to finish the sentence so I didn’t have to say it out loud. PW’s eyes darted from side to side like she wanted to run but was worried about drawing any impending wrath in her direction. And Giguhl, the traitor, slinked away guiltily and dropped into a chair with his head in his claws, as if giving himself the time-out he deserved.
“I’m waiting,” Adam said in that same deadened voice. His eyes told me he’d already figured it out, but he wasn’t about to let me off easy. Part of my punishment was having to admit the betrayal out loud.
I licked my lips. Then words just tumbled out of me. “We slept together.”
Adam’s fists tightened into boulders. A vein pulsed in his neck.
“Adam, I—”
He slashed a hand through the air as if he couldn’t stomach the sound of my voice. “Save it. I can’t even stand to look at you right now.”
My head throbbed and my vision went static. My chest felt like it would collapse under the pressure. My heart shriveled and blackened like a piece of coal.
Before I could react, Adam spun around and slammed out of the apartment. The ensuing silence felt like a verdict. Pussy Willow and Georgia wouldn’t meet my gaze. And Giguhl moaned and rocked with guilt in the corner.
All the fight left me. I collapsed into a nearby chair. Numb shock descended to protect me from reality. I suppose I should have seen this coming. Who had I been kidding to think I could hide a lie of that magnitude from Adam?
“Sabina?” Georgia said softly. She knelt by my side. “What can I do?”
I couldn’t speak. If I opened my mouth I’d start screaming and never stop.
Giguhl rushed over to join the vampire. “Red, I’m so fucking sorry.”
I swallowed the panic rising in my throat. Pussy Willow answered for me. “It’s not your fault, Gigi. Sabina should have told him herself months ago.”
Giguhl shot the faery a hateful look. “Hey! She doesn’t need to hear that right now.”
PW crossed her arms and glared at the demon. “You always take her side!”
“I do not,” he argued. “Besides, I’m the one who told her not to tell him. Then I went and opened my big mouth.” He hit his head with the heel of his claw. “Idiot!”
Georgia stood and addressed both of them. “That’s enough, you guys. Pointing fingers is a waste of time.”
“I’m not pointing fingers.” PW shrugged. “Simply stating facts.”
“You can take your facts and shove them up your ass!” Giguhl said. “If you can’t be supportive to Sabina, maybe you should leave!”
PW gasped and started yelling at the demon. Giguhl, naturally, yelled back. But I was so lost in my shock I couldn’t understand them. Their words hit the air and then scattered like black confetti.
Finally, Georgia put her fingers to her lips and executed an eardrum-shattering whistle. It jerked me out of my trance and shocked PW and Giguhl into silence.
“Now that I have your attention,” the vampire said, “I have a couple of things to say. First, Giguhl and PW, get a hold of yourselves. Right now we need to be supporting Sabina.” She turned to me. “As for you, snap out of it. You’re the one always saying surrender is never an option. If you want Adam, you have to go after him.”
I sighed deeply. The air stabbed my lungs like shards of glass. “What’s the point? You heard him. He can’t even stomach being in the same room as me right now. Even if I knew what to say, he wouldn’t listen.” I sat up straighter. “Besides, aren’t you being a little hypocritical?”
She tensed. “What?”
“You could have fought for Mac, but instead you gave up and are planning on running back to New Orleans.”
She crossed her arms. “That isn’t the same thing at all—”
“Bullshit,” Giguhl coughed into his claw.
“Hey!” she protested. “Mac chose her kin over me. I know when I’m beat. But you have a chance to make this right.”
“So do you,” I countered. I knew I was harping on Georgia, but it was a lot easier than talking about my issues. “Maybe once Michael calms down he’ll listen to reason, too. Despite his Alpha ways, he cares about Mac. If we can talk to him and convince him that marrying her off will make her unhappy, maybe he’ll listen.”
She hesitated. “I don’t know—”
“Listen, forget the lie for a moment. She doesn’t deserve what Michael’s planning. If you love her, you’ll help her. She doesn’t have anyone else right now.”
Georgia’s face fell. She didn’t speak, but I got the feeling I was wearing her down. “How about we make a deal? You promise to go with me to talk to Michael, and I’ll promise I’ll try with Adam.”
Her eyebrow went up. “When?”
“Tomorrow night. You and I can go see Michael just after sundown. That should give him enough time to calm down.”
“And Adam?” she asked.
I sighed and sat back in the chair. “I don’t know.”
“He has to come back here at some point.” Giguhl shrugged.
“I guess.” I honestly wasn’t sure what I’d say if he walked back through that door in a couple of hours. But Georgia was right. I couldn’t let everything we had together dissolve because I made a dumb mistake. We were supposed to be stronger than that.
“What if they won’t listen?” Pussy Willow asked. “What will you both do then?”
The promise of a challenge made Georgia’s vampire instincts flare to life. A small smile lifted her lips, flashing a little fang. “We’ll make them listen.”
Adam didn’t come home that night.
I lay alone in our bed staring at the ceiling well past sunrise. I guess I was naive to hope he’d return to the scene of the crime so soon.
Probably, he’d crashed at Rhea’s. The idea of my mentor finding out what I’d done made my already tight stomach knot painfully. Even if I could somehow manage to make things right with Adam, Rhea wouldn’t be so easily won over. She was protective of her blood. The fact that we’d grown so close over the last several months wouldn’t matter more than her connection with Adam.
I sighed and turned over. The movement ruffled the sheets and stirred up Adam’s sandalwood scent. I grabbed his pillow and hugged it to me. Closing my eyes, I let the tears fall. I’d put on a brave front for everyone earlier. But the truth was, I didn’t know how to fix this.
Since the first time I met Adam, I knew our relationship would end badly. With me involved, how could it go any other way? I’d fought being with him for so long because I knew I’d never be good enough for him. And if I were being honest with myself, maybe on some level I held this secret close to my vest, knowing that it would come back eventually. Maybe in some sick way it was my way of controlling how the end happened.
But even though I’d been expecting this all along, it still hurt like hellfire.
However, I’d always believed pain was my friend. In a fight, it told me I was still alive. And in love, it told me I still cared. Which meant I’d swallow my pride and beg him to forgive me, if that’s what it took.
My fatalism about love might have turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I’d never put too much stock in prophecies anyway.
23
The next evening, I decided to hit the gym for a workout. I hadn’t slept at all, but my body strained for action. My pent-up emotions and worries needed a release.
The headphones on my ears blocked out the world and filled my head with angry music. All my energy was focused on knocking the stuffing out of the punching bag. My skin dripped sweat and my muscles screamed from exertion. It felt good to be back in the zone.
I was so focused on my punishing workout that I didn’t notice the person coming up behind me. Not until a hand landed on my shoulder. On autopilot, I spun and swung my fist into a jaw.
“Oof!” My target fell to the hardwood with a crash.
Panting, I looked down and cursed. “Shit. Orpheus, I’m so sorry!”
I threw off my headphones and bent down to help him off the ground. His eyes were unfocused and he was so disoriented he didn’t fight my assistance. When I finally had him upright again, he wobbled. His hand flew to his jaw and he worked it back and forth with a grimace. “That’ll teach me to sneak up on a former assassin.”
“Sorry.” I grimaced. “You caught me off guard.”