I opened the message, and that jealousy and disbelief grew and grew as anger simmered in my veins.
Words: Hey, Stranger. Thought you might want to see this.
Below was a picture of a page in her journal. The very one I’d just been holding.
You can’t believe it’s daylight
We stayed up again all night
Talking just cause you like the way I make the words sound
I triple-double dare you
Fess up and make the first move
You need me like I need you
That’s why you come around here
Cause you know I’ve always been the one
With my heart tied behind my back
You can’t help it when I look at you like that
Don’t deny it cause we both know
I could love you with my eyes closed
I could love you with my eyes closed
Who listens to your sad songs
The shoulder that you cry on
Out on that ledge you walk on
When you’re sinking
Who keeps your secrets locked up
When there’s no one you can trust
I know it’s much more than just wishful thinking
Just say the words and you know I’ll be there
With my heart tied behind my back
You can’t help it when I look at you like that
Don’t deny it cause we both know
I could love you with my eyes closed
I could love you with my eyes closed
I clenched the phone so tightly in my hand, I was sure I would break it.
I got it now . . . who she’d started writing about. Ben. Because there’d never been anyone else for Charlie than him until I’d finally seen what I should have long ago.
But I also knew she’d changed the song to start writing about me. Well, Stranger, for her.
And right now all I could see was that part where she talked about her heart and loving him.
Was it possible to be jealous of yourself?
Was it possible to be mad that your girl was in love with you?
When she didn’t realize that it was you, and thought it was another man entirely, the answer was yes.
I shoved my car into gear and took off away from the lake without thinking about what I was about to do.
I was back at Charlie’s faster than I should have been, and though I knew I needed to calm myself down, each step closer to her door had my anger growing hotter.
The door was unlocked and I flung it open easily, and I only spared a second to glance in the direction of Keith’s room to make sure I didn’t see or hear him before storming into Charlie’s room.
The smile that had been lighting up her face immediately fell when she noticed my anger, and though she called my name, I didn’t respond.
My eyes scanned her room for the journal that was no longer on the nightstand. As soon as they landed on it, I walked over and snatched it up from where it sat next to her on the bed, and didn’t miss the way she reached for it, trying to stop me, as though she was afraid of me having it.
“Deacon, give that to me!” she said quickly, her tone full of worry.
“You and your words,” I sneered.
Her head snapped up. “What did you just say?” she asked breathlessly.
I slammed Candy on top of it and thrust both at her. “An hour,” I growled when she took them from me. “Not even. I was inside you not even an hour ago, and you’re already sending this shit?”
“What is this?” she asked in a shaky voice. “Whose phone is this?”
I leaned forward and planted my hands on the bed so my face was directly in front of hers. “You gave me your heart, Charlie Girl, yeah? Or did you give it to Stranger? Or maybe someone else that I don’t know about.”
Dread filled her eyes. “How . . . how do you know—”
“I made you mine. I’m pretty sure I wanted to continue making only you mine for the rest of my goddamn life, and it’s you who can’t choose just one person?”
“No.” Her head shook stubbornly. “No, you don’t know what you’re talking about!” She held the phone up, and asked again, “Whose phone is this, Deacon?”
I pushed away from the bed and ran my hand through my hair as I took a step away from her. A frustrated huff burst from my chest that she was refusing to see what was happening. “Mine!” I snapped when I faced her again. “It’s mine, Charlie. I’m Stranger, you’re Words. Don’t you fucking get it?”
“No, this isn’t your phone. That isn’t—I have your num—you don’t talk to me the way—I thought he was—” She quickly cut off her frantic rambling, and leaned away from me when I bent close to her again.
“Thought he was who?” I demanded. When she only shook her head, I yelled, “Who, Charlie, who the fuck did you think you were falling in love with?”
“You!” she cried, and her blue eyes welled with tears. “I fell in love with you, but you can’t be him—”
“You sure about that?”
“—you can’t be Stranger!”
“Then tell me who is!”
“I thought it was Graham!”
I stumbled away from her and the bed as if her words had been a physical blow to my chest.
Her confession mixed with my demand, both lingered in the space between us and louder than I could handle in the silence that now filled her room.
I staggered a step away from her, and then another, before I turned toward the door. Just as fast, I turned back around. “You thought you’ve been talking to my best friend, and this entire time, all I’ve been able to see was you?”
“No, that’s not it. That’s not what I meant. I always pictured you, but it was the things—”
“Save it, Charlie,” I whispered, my tone bordered on a plea.
“Will you let me talk?”
I lifted my arms to my sides, then let them fall. “Why? So you can drive that knife into my chest a little more?” I laughed softly, but there was no humor behind it. “You know, I couldn’t figure out why it was so hard to even consider walking away from Words, but I get it. I fucking get it now because I never would’ve been able to walk away from you.” Before . . . I mentally added.
“You knew . . .” She murmured when I started to back up again, her tone now filled with suspicion. “How long have you known, and how long would you have let it go on if we hadn’t had sex tonight?”