Before I could grasp his demand, he pulled all the way out then slammed back into me, and my body felt like it went up in flames.
A warm shiver shot down my spine and that white-hot heat shot through my veins. The vibrating turned into trembling and then shaking as warm shivers continued to torment my body.
Deacon hissed and bit down on my collarbone to muffle his sudden curse. His body felt rigid against mine for only a moment before his hips moved harder and faster than before, then harder still.
Each movement from him prolonged what was happening inside me, and I both loved and hated it. I never wanted it to end, but I felt out of control and terrified by that.
A shudder rolled through Deacon’s back, and he groaned against my neck as his hips jerked against mine when he found his release inside me. His back shook from his exaggerated breaths, the muscles there rippled beneath the tips of my fingers as we both tried to find our way back to ourselves.
He lifted his head, and his eyes met and searched mine as he slowly rolled onto his side, taking me with him. “You okay?”
Exhausted, wanted him again, and never felt more alive, but “okay” would do. I nodded once, but wasn’t able to voice the response he needed. The way Deacon was looking at me was all I could focus on. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
It was as though he was worried and proud, felt possessive and protective.
Deacon brushed away a chunk of hair that had fallen out of my bun, and cupped my cheek in his palm. “Never going to want to give this up, Charlie Girl. He was insane to.”
I smiled weakly as my chest warmed at his words. “I gave you my heart, you don’t have to.”
But I knew what I would have to give up in order to keep this.
Stranger.
For the first time in too long, I was acutely aware that the man holding me close to his body with his lips pressed firmly to mine was not the same man I texted every night.
It had been too easy to visualize Stranger as Deacon while talking to him. To swoon over his words and fall for him even though I knew I couldn’t. Even though I knew that it would be entirely stupid to allow myself to. Then again, I hadn’t had much of a choice in the matter when Stranger had so clearly known the way to my heart without even trying.
Some odd mixture of guilt and denial and fear filled me as I acknowledged the extent of my conversations with Stranger. How they’d made me feel, and how I’d come to crave them even as I’d told myself that they were innocent. Even as I’d told myself that he was a fictional character in one of my books.
Because somewhere out there, he was real. Because no matter what I told myself, the conversations weren’t innocent if the thought of Deacon ever seeing them had ice sliding through my veins. Because even though I’d envisioned them to be the same person, I had to accept that Deacon and Stranger were two separate men, now that I was about to lose one of them.
I looked up into light brown eyes when Deacon pulled back, and made up my mind. The song was finished; it had been for a few days. I would send it to Stranger, and then I would tell him good-bye.
Why did the thought of never speaking to him again hurt so much, when I was staring at what I wanted?
Chapter Eighteen
Deacon
July 4, 2016
NEVER GOING TO want to give this up.
I didn’t know where the words had come from when they had slid off my tongue before, but the thought continued to float through my mind again and again as I lay there with my arms tightly wrapped around Charlie’s body, and my head resting on her stomach.
Charlie’s fingers gently moved up and down my back, trailing over the raised lines from her nails, and every now and then one of her fingers would pass over where she’d broken the skin just as she’d fallen apart beneath me.
Her hesitations and reactions tonight hadn’t been something I’d expected. Considering her past with Ben, I’d never thought Charlie would be as innocent as she was. But, Christ, it had made my blood pound knowing no one had touched her that way. Knowing I was the first to take care of her the way she should be. Knowing no one else had made her feel the way she had tonight.
Ben was a damn idiot for not treating her like she was everything, but I wouldn’t complain, because I knew I would remember the way Charlie had responded to my touch, and the look on her face, for the rest of my life.
I’d remember everything about tonight for the rest of my life.
I blew out a slow, steadying breath against her stomach, then kissed the skin there as I thought about my wallet and what I had left in there. What I hadn’t even considered grabbing because I’d wanted Charlie, had wanted to feel her come undone while I was buried deep inside her, so damn bad.
Then again, I had a feeling just the fact that it was Charlie would have had me forgetting everything else but her, because she was the only one who could.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered as she traced over her mark on me. “I didn’t mean to.”
My mouth curved into a smile, and I lifted my head to look at her. “Don’t,” I said simply. If she only knew how fucking hot it had been. “Besides,” I said in a low tone as I pushed myself higher up on her body. “I’ll return the favor.” It was a promise emphasized when I dipped my head to bite the underside of her breast.
Charlie let out a soft gasp, and her fingers tightened on my back. She cradled my body between her thighs, and curled one of her legs slowly around one of my own—and already, that foil packet in my wallet was forgotten.
Never before, but Charlie Girl wasn’t like any of the others.
I rolled my hips against hers, and covered her mouth with my own, swallowing the next quick gasp that left her at the contact.
“Wait,” she said halfheartedly, but pulled me closer to her warmth. She shuddered when I rocked against her again, and bit down on her bottom lip as her head dropped back when I did it again. “Oh God,” she whispered.
“You gonna walk now?” I asked, my tone teasing, and kissed her soundly.
Her head shook faintly. “No. No, wait,” she said more firmly. “Wait, just let me—before I get too consumed in you, let me go check on Keith.”
“Shit,” I hissed, and pushed away from her. “I forgot. I’m sorry, I forgot.”
Her face, that just seconds before had shown her need and her pleasure, was now full of amusement as she watched me hurry around her room gathering clothes. “Forgot what, exactly?”