“Oh yes. He’s really excited! He’s been to all the classes and everything!”
God, I can’t believe in a few weeks’ time Suze will have a baby. I won’t even be here.
“Can I touch?” I put my hand gingerly on Suze’s stomach. “I can’t feel anything.”
“That’s all right,” says Suze. “I expect it’s asleep.”
“Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?”
“I haven’t found out.” Suze leans forward earnestly. “But I kind of think it’s a girl, because I keep being drawn to all these sweet little dresses in the shops. Like a kind of a craving? And they say in all the books, your body will tell you what it needs. So, you know, maybe that’s a sign.”
“So, what are you going to call her?”
“We can’t decide. It’s so hard! You know, you buy these books, and all the names are crap…” She takes a sip of tea. “What would you call a baby?”
“Ooh! I don’t know! Maybe Lauren, after Ralph Lauren.” I think for a few moments. “Or Dolce.”
“Dolce Cleath-Stuart,” says Suze thoughtfully. “I quite like that! We could call her Dolly for short.”
“Or Vera. After Vera Wang.”
“Vera?” Suze stares at me. “I’m not calling my baby Vera!”
“We’re not talking about your baby!” I retort. “We’re talking about mine. Vera Lauren Comme des Brandon. I think that’s got a really good ring to it.”
“Vera Brandon sounds like a character off Coronation Street! But I like Dolce. What about if it was a boy?”
“Harvey. Or Barney,” I say after a little thought. “Depending on whether it was born in London or New York.”
I take another sip of hot chocolate — then look up, to see Suze gazing at me seriously.
“You wouldn’t really have a baby in America, would you, Bex?”
“I… I don’t know. Who can tell? We probably won’t have children for years yet!”
“You know, we all really miss you.”
“Oh, not you, too, Suze.” I give a half-laugh. “I had Mum on at me today to move back to Oxshott.”
“Well, it’s true! Tarkie was saying the other day, London just isn’t the same without you.”
“Really?” I gaze at her, feeling ridiculously touched.
“And your mum keeps asking me if I think you’ll stay in New York forever… you won’t, will you?”
“I honestly don’t know,” I say helplessly. “It all depends on Luke… and his business…”
“He’s not the boss!” says Suze. “You have a say, too. Do you want to stay out there?”
“I don’t know.” I screw up my face, trying to explain. “Sometimes I think I do. When I’m in New York, it seems like the most important place in the world. My job is fantastic, and the people are fantastic, and it’s all wonderful. But when I come home, suddenly I think, Hang on, this is my home. This is where I belong.” I pick up a sugar packet and begin to shred it. “I just don’t know whether I’m ready to come home yet.”
“Oh, come back to England and have a baby!” says Suze wheedlingly. “Then we can be mummies together!”
“Honestly, Suze!” I take a sip of chocolate, rolling my eyes. “Like I’m really ready to have a baby!” I get up to go to the ladies’ room before she can say anything else.
On the other hand… she has got a point. Why shouldn’t I have a baby? Other people do — so why not me? I mean, if I could somehow bypass the actual having it bit. Maybe I could have one of those operations where you go to sleep and don’t feel anything. And then when I woke up I’d have a baby!
I have a sudden pleasant vision of Suze and me walking up the road together, pushing prams. That might be quite fun, actually. I mean, you can buy loads of gorgeous baby things these days. Like cute little hats, and tiny denim jackets… And — yes — doesn’t Gucci do a really cool baby sling?
We could have cappuccinos together, and walk round the shops, and… I mean, that’s basically all mothers do, isn’t it? Now that I think about it, I’d be perfect at it!
I must definitely have a chat with Luke.
It’s not until we’re leaving Oriel that Suze says, “So, Bex, you haven’t told me anything about the wedding!”
My stomach gives a little swoop, and I turn my head away, under the pretense of putting on my coat.
I’d kind of managed to forget about the whole wedding issue.