“I like computers,” says Jess.

“Er… me too,” I backtrack hastily. “Absolutely!”

Which is kind of true.

I mean, I love eBay.

As I lead Jess into the kitchen I feel a rush of excitement. I reach for the CD remote control, and a moment later, Sister Sledge belts through the kitchen speakers at top volume. I bought the album especially for this!

“ ‘We are family!’ ” I sing along, while taking the champagne bottle out of its ice bucket. I pop the cork. “Have some champagne!”

“I’d prefer something soft, if you’ve got it,” she says, looking at the bottle without enthusiasm. “Champagne gives me a headache.”

“Oh,” I say, halted. “Well… OK!”

I pour her out a glass of Aqua Libra and quickly put the bottle away before she can see the price and start talking about potatoes again.

“I thought tonight we could just relax,” I say over the music. “Just enjoy ourselves… talk… have fun…”

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“Sounds good,” says Jess, nodding.

“So, my idea was, we could do makeovers!”

“Makeovers?” Jess looks as though she’s never even heard the word.

“Come with me!” I pull her along the corridor and into the bedroom. “We can do each other’s makeup… try on all different clothes… I could blow-dry your hair if you like… ”

“I don’t know.” Jess’s shoulders are hunched uncomfortably.

“It’ll be fun! Look, sit down in front of the mirror. Try on one of my wigs!” I pull the blond Marilyn one onto my own head. “Isn’t that fab?”

Jess flinches.

“I hate mirrors,” she says. “And I never wear makeup.”

I stare at her, a bit nonplussed. How can anyone hate mirrors?

“Besides, I’m happy with the way I look,” she adds a bit defensively.

“Of course you are!” I say in astonishment. “That’s not the point! It’s just supposed to be… you know. Fun.”

Jess doesn’t reply.

“But anyway!” I say, trying to hide my deflation. “It was just an idea. We don’t have to do it.”

I take off the Marilyn wig and switch off the dressing table lightbulbs. The room is immediately plunged into semi-gloom, which is kind of how I feel. I was really looking forward to doing Jess up. I had all these great ideas for her eyes.

But never mind. We can still have a good time!

“So! Shall we… watch a movie?” I suggest.

“Sure.” Jess nods.

And anyway, a movie is better. Everyone likes movies, plus we can chat during all the boring bits. I lead the way into the sitting room and gesture enthusiastically at the fanned-out videos on the floor. “Take your pick. They’re all here!”

“Right.” Jess starts looking through the videos.

“Are you a Four Weddings girl?” I prompt her. “Or Sleepless in Seattle… When Harry Met Sally…”

“I don’t mind,” says Jess at last, looking up. “You choose.”

“You must have a favorite!”

“These aren’t really my kind of thing,” says Jess, with a little grimace. “I prefer something a bit more heavyweight.”

“Oh,” I say. “Oh, right. Well… I can go and get a different video from the rental shop if you like! It won’t take me five minutes. Tell me what you’d like to watch—”

“It’s OK. I don’t want to put you out.” She shrugs. “Let’s just watch one of these.”

“Don’t be silly!” I say with a laugh. “Not if you don’t like any of them! We can do… something else! No problem!”

I smile at Jess, but inside I’m a bit disquieted. I don’t quite know what else to suggest. My backup plan was the Dancing Queen karaoke tape — but something tells me she won’t want to do that either. Plus we’re not wearing the wigs.

Why is everything so awkward? I thought we’d be laughing hysterically together by now. I thought we’d be having fun.

Oh God. We can’t just sit here in silence all night. I’m going to come clean.

“Look, Jess,” I say, leaning forward. “I want to do whatever you want to do. But you’ll have to guide me. So… be honest. Suppose I hadn’t invited you here for the weekend. What would you be doing right now?”

“Well…” Jess thinks for a moment. “I was supposed to be at an environmental meeting this evening. I’m an activist for a local group. We raise awareness, organize pickets and protest marches… that kind of thing.”




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