I didn’t come up with any satisfactory answers. The lack of answers didn’t stop my mind from whirling, and when I climbed into bed and tried to sleep, the whirling increased.
It was while I was tossing and turning and generally feeling miserable that I really started to understand everything Grace had told me in her attempt to torture me before killing me.
Grace was old enough to remember the time before the Erlking made his agreement with the Queens. So was my dad. Aunt Grace was able to extrapolate from what she knew that the Erlking would be looking for a way to trick me into giving him my virginity. So did my dad. Aunt Grace had known when the Erlking freed Ethan exactly what I’d had to promise in return. So had my dad.
Aunt Grace had been so hell-bent on revenge that just killing me wasn’t enough. To make me as miserable as possible, to make me feel like a total fool, she’d broken her ties to the Seelie Court so she could tell me the Erlking’s secret power. And that was where she and my dad differed.
Knowing what was at stake, knowing the kind of danger I was in, he still hadn’t been willing to break with his precious Seelie Court in order to warn me. Instead, he’d stuck with his vague, useless warnings about how I mustn’t do what the Erlking wanted; warnings that were so vague they were easy to ignore.
Granted, even without any warnings from my dad, I’d known from the beginning that there was something more to my bargain with the Erlking than met the eye, and I’d had no intention of going through with it until I figured out the ramifications. Also granted, my dad didn’t know that having me under twenty-four-hour guard wasn’t enough to stop me from seeing the Erlking. Maybe Dad would eventually have decided he had no other choice but to sever his ties to the Court so he could tell me what I needed to know. But I wouldn’t, couldn’t forget that for the time being, at least, he’d chosen to leave me in ignorance.
I clung to the belief that my dad loved me, and that he loved me for reasons other than what I could do for his political career. But not only was he Fae, he was old Fae, and the old Fae in particular had a very different value system than us mere mortals. I vowed that I would never again allow myself to forget that.
Chapter twenty-eight
Considering how momentous and life-altering that night in the tunnels had seemed, my life pretty much returned to normal—at least, what passed for normal these days—almost immediately.
There were a few ripple effects, of course, one small one being my need to keep the Erlking’s mark hidden at all times. No more wearing tank tops to spar with Keane. At least Avalon never got hot enough for me to want to wear tanks outdoors. If Keane noticed my wardrobe change, he made no mention of it. He was as surly and unpleasant as ever, and when I made an attempt to smooth over our last argument, he cut me off at the knees. Typical guy, not wanting to talk about it. Which, to tell you the truth, was fine with me.
There was a much more significant ripple when the Erlking paid my dad a personal visit. I wasn’t there to see it, but my mom told me about it afterward. She was pretending our fight had never happened, and I was happy to let her. There were a lot of things I’d done since I’d come to Avalon that I felt guilty about, but forcing my mom to stay sober wasn’t one of them.
Arawn informed my father about Aunt Grace’s death. According to Mom, Dad took the news with typical Fae stoicism, although he was no doubt both relieved and saddened. Grace had been his sister, after all.
Mom didn’t hear the whole conversation, but it seems that somehow, Arawn managed to convince my dad that I was in no danger from the Wild Hunt. I suppose it wasn’t that hard. After all, my dad knew what the Erlking wanted, and he knew I had to be alive to give it to him, so he, too, would realize keeping me alive was in the Erlking’s best interests.
The upshot of all this is that I don’t have to make as big a production about leaving my safe house anymore. I still have to take Finn with me wherever I go, but I don’t have to ask Dad’s permission, and I don’t have to scrape up a second bodyguard. I felt positively liberated. Amazing how my standards had changed since I’d come to Avalon.
Even with my new “freedom,” it was a bit awkward trying to find a way to be alone with Ethan for a while, but he and I needed to talk. I tried calling him a couple of times, but he always seemed to be in the middle of something and couldn’t stay on the phone long. I was sure he was lying, but I didn’t want to start our heart-to-heart with accusations. There were a lot of reasons he might want nothing to do with me now that he knew about my deal with Arawn, but I needed to clear the air between us anyway. Even though he wasn’t—and now never could be—my boyfriend, there was no denying his importance in my life.
In the end, I decided the best way to trap him into talking was to show up on his doorstep again. I briefly considered using the Erlking’s brooch, but I still had the uncomfortable feeling that I didn’t want Ethan to know about it. Which meant I was stuck taking Finn along. I hadn’t really gotten a good look at Ethan’s apartment when I was there last, but I assumed it was just like Kimber’s, which meant the only place we could go for a private conversation was his bedroom. I wasn’t entirely sure Finn would go for that—I remembered how he’d played chaperone when Ethan and I went to the movies—but I didn’t see another choice.
I called Kimber before I set out and asked her to confirm that Ethan was home. She was happy to oblige me, and as far as I could tell, Ethan hadn’t told her what he’d learned about my pact with the Erlking. She still thought I was under a geis not to talk about it. Yet another secret I was keeping that could come back to bite me. Kimber would be very unhappy with me if she ever learned the truth.