“Why do you ask?”
“Everything has degrees.”
“You think some ways of killing are better?”
“I know they are.”
“Death is death!”
“Agreed. But killing is not always murder.”
“I think she took her somewhere she knew she’d be killed.”
“Now you don’t sound certain she killed her.”
I told him what had happened last night, what the Unseelie had said, how Alina’s body had looked, how Dani had vanished.
He nodded in silent agreement when I was finished.
“So, what do I do?”
“Are you asking me for advice?”
I braced myself for a sarcastic comment. “Don’t snap my head off, okay? I had a bad night.”
“Wasn’t going to.” He sat down on his heels in front of me and looked into my eyes. “This one got you. Worse than all the other things that happened to you. Worse than being turned Pri-ya.”
I shrugged. “I got to have sex nonstop, no blame, no shame. You kidding me? Compared to the rest of my life, that was a joy.”
He didn’t say anything for a long time. Then, “But not something you’d care to repeat in full possession of your senses.”
“It was …” I searched for words to explain.
He was motionless, waiting.
“Like Halloween. When people rioted. They loot. Do crazy things.”
“You’re saying Pri-ya was a blackout.”
I nodded. “So what do I do?”
“You pull your fucking—” He bared his teeth on a silent snarl and looked away. When he looked back again, his face was a cool mask of urbanity. “You choose what you can live with. And what you can’t live without. That’s what.”
“You mean can I live with killing her? Can I stand myself if I don’t kill her?”
“I mean can you live without her. You kill her, you snuff her life forever. Dani will never be again. At fourteen, she’ll be done. She had her chances, she fucked up, she lost. Are you ready to be her judge, jury, and executioner?”
I swallowed and dropped my head, shielding myself with hair as if I could hide behind it and not have to come out. “You’re saying I won’t like myself.”
“I think you’d deal with it fine. You find places to put things. I know how you work. I’ve seen you kill. I think O’Bannion and his men were the hardest for you because they were your first humans, but after that, you took to it with a bit of stone cold. But this would be a chosen killing. Premeditated. It makes you breathe different. To swim in that sea, you have to grow gills.”
“I don’t understand what you’re saying. Are you telling me to kill her?”
“Some actions change you for the better. Some for the worse. Be sure which one it is and accept it before you do anything. Death, for Dani, is irrevocable.”
“Would you kill her?”
I could tell he was uncomfortable with the question, but I didn’t know why.
After a strained silence, he said, “If that’s what you want, yes. I’ll kill her for you.”
“That’s not what I—no, I wasn’t asking you to kill her for me. I was asking if you would in my shoes.”
“The shoes you wear are beyond my ability to fathom. It’s been too long.”
“You’re not going to tell me what to do, are you?” I wanted him to. I didn’t want any of the responsibility for this. I wanted someone to blame if I didn’t like how it turned out.
“I respect you more than that.”
I almost fell off the couch. I parted my hair and looked up at him, but he was no longer squatting in front of me. He’d stood and moved away.
“Are we, like, having a conversation?”
“Did you just, like, ask me for advice and listen with an open mind? If so, then yes, I would call this a conversation. I can see how you might not recognize it, considering all I usually get from you is attitude and hostility—”
“Oh! All I ever get from you is hostility and—”
“And here we go. She’s bristling and my hackles go up. Bloody hell, I feel fangs coming on. Tell you what, Ms. Lane,” he said softly, “anytime you want to have a conversation with me, leave the myriad issues you have with wanting to fuck me every time you look at me outside my cave, come on in, and see what you find. You might like it.”
He turned and began moving toward the entrance to the rear part of the store.
“Wait! I still don’t know what to do about Dani.”