These are the kinds of thoughts that sweep me away when I'm completely alone like this. I'm used to being around people twenty four seven, and I've never noticed how lonely it is in a pup tent a few meters from everyone else. As much as she irritates me, sleeping in the same room as Katya keeps these thoughts from plaguing me.
Not wanting to dwell on the past or the emotions percolating, I turn off the lantern and crawl into my bag.
Folding my hands behind my head, I stare into the darkness. There are some days when I think I have a problem that runs a little deeper than the occasional nightmare. I hardly sleep anymore and when I do, it's not well.
I'm beginning to think I'll have to hunt Katya down when the door to the tent rustles and unzips. A gust of wet wind enters.
"Just me," she says. "You awake?"
"Yep."
"Oh." She sounds disappointed and seals us back in. "Nice and warm in here."
I ignore my anger. "You missed a fantastic dinner."
There's a pause, and then she chuckles.
"I assume you're trying to torture or kill me with this food."
"Hmm. Why would I want to … oh, yeah. Something about you killing my brother."
Walked into that one.
She settles on the other side of the tent. If the constant tap of some body part against the floor is any indication, she's shivering.
"Where you been?" I ask.
"Around." Her teeth are chattering.
Be cold, Iceman. "All right. Sleep well."
It's too dark to see in the tent. I can hear her rustling for a moment then sense her stretch out on the ground beside me.
I'm not going to do it. Not going to fall for it. Not going to get drawn in.
Not going to take mercy on her because she gave her sleeping bag to a nine-year-old orphan.
I know it's a losing battle before I grate my teeth and sigh deeply.
"I'll share," I say reluctantly. "Shoes, socks and rain gear off. You can hop in with me."
I am going to regret this. The last thing I want is to be so close to her, we're touching the whole night.